I'm her support and it's getting harder to help
- 11 Replies
I am trying desperately to help my SIL. She gets no support from her husband and is trying to juggle school and a one year old. She called me crying last night and said her husband is saying she neglects her son and is lazy because she works on her homework. I know she isn't neglecting her son. Her husband barely lifts a hand. She gets up in the night even on weekends and is the more active parent 24/7. She called me when they were arguing last night. He was yelling at her and she was just so sad. He thought she was talking to her mom because she doesn't want him to be mad she called me. I ended up hanging up. They were screaming at each other and I have PTSD from growing up in a house with abuse. I want to help but I can't sit on the phone while they scream at each other. They live 2 hours away and I am trying to help her but I'm worried it's gonna put a gap in my husband's relationship with his brother. But she has no support and school means so much to her. My husband is nothing like his brother. He is caring and supports me a lot. He also is just as active in my kids life as I am. So what would you do. Talk to her or tell her you can't?
Tell her you can't talk to her if they are actively fighting. That would be a must for me. After that I would talk to your husband about if it will bother him if you talk to your sister in law. It would be a tough line to walk, but it is possible for you to help her and not get in the middle of them. Maybe just be there to listen and if you can safely go further then do so.
talk to your husband and get his advice first
I try to listen and I usually don't say anything against him even when I want to. My husband is pissed with his brother. Me and my husband never yell at each other and we support each other. I've told her she can't tell hm she talks to me and she doesn't It's just so sad to me because she is a great mom and a good friend.
Quoting Anonymous:Tell her you can't talk to her if they are actively fighting. That would be a must for me. After that I would talk to your husband about if it will bother him if you talk to your sister in law. It would be a tough line to walk, but it is possible for you to help her and not get in the middle of them. Maybe just be there to listen and if you can safely go further then do so.
They need it They have been married over a year and have separated probably 20 times. He keeps telling her it's all her and not him. He never takes responsibility for his part. He won't go to couples counselling but he makes her go to her psychologist
Quoting Anonymous:Her hubby sounds like my bf.... I know what she is going through!! Poor thing! :(
Recommend couples counselling, or taking a break from each other... that's what helped me and my bf... we still fight, but not like that anymore!
You should explain to your dh about what's going on and how its effecting you.
OMG he's a controlling little dick!! I would do everything to talk her into leaving his screwed up ass!! It's all a control thing then!!! He wants her to think she isn't good enough and make her think she needs help, just so she won't leave him... Unfortunately you can't do anything but try to convince her to leave him, and convince her it's all head games!
Quoting Anonymous:They need it They have been married over a year and have separated probably 20 times. He keeps telling her it's all her and not him. He never takes responsibility for his part. He won't go to couples counselling but he makes her go to her psychologist
Quoting Anonymous:Her hubby sounds like my bf.... I know what she is going through!! Poor thing! :(
Recommend couples counselling, or taking a break from each other... that's what helped me and my bf... we still fight, but not like that anymore!
I don't think he wants her to work and have her own money. He just wants a wife but I'm proud of her. He's not all bad but he's pissing me off. Shes trying to make her life better.
Quoting Anonymous:OMG he's a controlling little dick!! I would do everything to talk her into leaving his screwed up ass!! It's all a control thing then!!! He wants her to think she isn't good enough and make her think she needs help, just so she won't leave him... Unfortunately you can't do anything but try to convince her to leave him, and convince her it's all head games!
Quoting Anonymous:They need it They have been married over a year and have separated probably 20 times. He keeps telling her it's all her and not him. He never takes responsibility for his part. He won't go to couples counselling but he makes her go to her psychologist
Quoting Anonymous:Her hubby sounds like my bf.... I know what she is going through!! Poor thing! :(
Recommend couples counselling, or taking a break from each other... that's what helped me and my bf... we still fight, but not like that anymore!
Happy Memorial Day.
