He doesn't want to marry me because of his ex! *Edit for answers*
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There are a lot of questions, and I work thirds so i am now just able to read the replies. I have two stepkids, ages 4 and 6. They are only with us every other weekend. They live about five minutes away so we are fighting to get to see them more. He has a court date March 6.
My SO worked for the DNR, that was his last job so that is the pay they are going by for his CS. We thought about getting it lowered, but his ex does not make enough to support the kids, and I don't want them to go without. They were coming over in clothes too small and flip flops in the fall. I don't know what exactly they need over there, so paying child support ensures they are at least getting their basics. What i pay in child support is LESS than a weeks check for me, not more. If i payed more, we would get it lowered, but i make enough to where it does not hurt us.
My SO is not on disability, he is fighting for it, they denied him once because of his age, he is appealing it.
We called a lawyer today and set up an appointment. We will be discussing his disability as well as his custody case/ child support case.Thank you for all of your replies.
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My SO is disabled, lots of back, knee and hip issues that leave him on the floor crying in a ball some days.
Because of this i work and he is a SAHD. I make good money and i do pay his child support. I love my stepkids like my own DD and i have been there since my SD was in diapers. I do not mind paying child support, because i see those kids as mine too. No matter how much their mother keeps trying to raise his child support, i will pay it just to be able to see them without the drama, and so that my SO stays out of jail. He is fighting for disability.
Yesterday, i overheard him talking to his mom on the phone. She is always telling him he needs to marry me. He thought i was sleeping on the couch. He said that we are not getting married any time soon. Then I am assuming she asked why (again) and he said that if we get married then his ex is entitled to my income taxes and part of my pay, and they can take it directly out of my check. He said that he didn't want to do that to me, because i do so much for them already. And that as soon as we get married he knows his ex would go straight to the courthouse and demand that they raise his child support based on my income. And i know she would, he is not lying. She has tried to raise it based on "common law" marriage and they dismissed it.
We already pay close to $500 a month. Thats less than one of my weekly checks. I believe that is more than enough, beings we also pay for stuff such as sports, shoes, ballet and things like that.
I just don't know what to think about this. His ex is the reason he does not want to marry me. Part of me is sad and the other part wishes she would just get sick of my Stepkids and drop them off to us and never pick them up again. That would make me the happiest stepmom in the world.
I am stumped and don't know what to do or think now. Will it be like this until they are 18? I want to get married, not right now, but within the next few years.
What would you think if you overheard that conversation?
I do appreciate it, but i don't want her to be the one reason we can't get married. She has already done so much to us and to the kids.
Quoting angel_eyez:
I would appreciate that he cares enough not to try and get u robbed by his bm.
I can't lie, she is not unfit, not the best mom, but not unfit. My SO has his good days and bad days. On his bad days his younger brother comes over and helps him. I work thirds, so if its really that bad, i just nap here and there during the day so i can help with the kids. There has only been one time i have had to call in cause we couldn't get anyone to come over so i could sleep.
Quoting Anonymous:
IDK. Call CPS on her and try to get her declared an unfit mother so you guys can have sole custody. How is he able to deal with his pain when he's home with the kids?
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- mom2cheesebug
on Feb. 15, 2012 at 5:08 AM