I'm considering leaving DH and not taking my kids.*UPDATE**UPDATE 2**

[Anonymous]

I know society frowns upon mothers who leave their kids behind,but they have a good lifestyle with DH,a great house,private schools,and (I'm sure this will get me more bashings still)a nanny.I can't afford that life for them right now,I'm unemployed and I need to get on my feet first,get a job,my own place,etc

DH isn't abusive,and he used to be a very good dad,I just can't be with him anymore,everyday in this house kills me a little bit more,I don't like him,I'm falling out of love with him.I want a divorce so badly,so urgently...I'm just hoping that one day my kids won't judge me too harshly for this.It won't be permanent.

Update

Thank you to everyone who replied,I know it was sometimes frustrating thinking I "won't take your advice",its hard to explain the situation you live in to a 3rd person,especially over the net,there's obviously a lot I haven't stated,how could I?its too much.

And to the ones who said "bad mom,selfish bitch,you don't deserve kids etc"you don't make me feel bad,because nothing you said was true,SO I just rolled my eyes at your tantrums,and moved along to more constructive posts.

As a mom,I can understand where a lot of you are coming from,but I can't act on my emotions alone,I have to be realistic,its hard realizing that the best place for my kids might not be with me for now,that I might have to let go a little bit to strengthen all our futures.

Lastly,I'm moving 2 hours away,first month,then look for a place close to their school and house,first month I'd drive to be with them several times a week,and after I get a place closer to them,I can continue to pick them up from school everyday and spend afternoons with them,while I don't work,if I find a job,I'll still see them after work,and during holidays.<
UPDATE 2
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Thank you again,I've seen such amazing women in this post,that have given me food for thought,some have even made me really hope for my marriage to work,I didn't have the slightest interest in that when I started this post,I enjoyed reading the stories of those women,I wish I could have read many more stories of getting through the tough times in marriage.

There others I would like to thank are the ones with stories from their childhoods,and those with alternate suggestions,I was in such a dark place when I wrote this post,now I see that my options are not as limited as I thought.

I expected to be so bashed,I was surprised at the compassion,even from moms who didn't agree with me.Thank you moms.

[AnastasiaKorsh]

I don't think there is anything wrong with leaving your kids somewhere they are better provided for.

[Anonymous]

Because he's busting his ass to support you maybe? Because you won't work and all.

Quoting Anonymous:

He used to be hands on,had time for the kids,etc.ever since he started making as much money as he does now,he changed,he does nothing with them,he loves them,and seems a little interested in them still,but he's either sitting down with a beer,or out wherever.

Quoting GAGAhatesitall:

What do you mean by "used to be a good dad"?





Not sure if I could ever leave my babies behind, but if I did, it wouldn't be with someone who "used" to be a good dad. Maybe I misunderstood.

[Anonymous]

Easy way out honey ?

[cowgirlsmommy]

There are things more important than money. And amazingly enough, millions of children get through life every day without a nanny.

[Anonymous - Original Poster]

Oh no,DH is a HUGE problem.A huge one.Let's just say I have never ever wanted to marry the type of man he has morphed into.

Quoting KrissyKC:

Sounds like DH isn't the problem.   You are having problems inside of yourself.   You don't feel like you or your life has any value or anything.

I suggest individual counseling and find hobbies and interests that give you value as a person.   You feel lost in your husband's world and don't have much in your own.

[Anonymous - Original Poster]

WON'T?up until March 2011 I was a marketing manager of a diamond company,after having my 4th child WE both decided that I should stay home for a couple of years,he had gotten a better job,a great salary package,I left my job,and stayed home...but in October after seeing the man he was turning into,I started looking again,and I'm still actively looking,with 2 very good prospects.

Let me tell you something else,for 2 years 2008-2010 I supported his ungrateful ass,when HE was struggling to find permanent work and all he could do was freelance here and there.Won't work?please.

Quoting Anonymous:

Because he's busting his ass to support you maybe? Because you won't work and all.

Quoting Anonymous:

He used to be hands on,had time for the kids,etc.ever since he started making as much money as he does now,he changed,he does nothing with them,he loves them,and seems a little interested in them still,but he's either sitting down with a beer,or out wherever.

Quoting GAGAhatesitall:

What do you mean by "used to be a good dad"?







Not sure if I could ever leave my babies behind, but if I did, it wouldn't be with someone who "used" to be a good dad. Maybe I misunderstood.

[helloistaken]

Kids don't need nannies and private schools. They need a mothers love. If i were in your situation leaving the kids is one sentence I could not ever type. 

It would not even enter my head on my most dizziest of days to leave my daughter regardless if she was left behind in a mansion.

So dad has checked out mentally and emotionally and now you are gonna leave them with him perhaps , how does that work? 

[Anonymous - Original Poster]

Oh yes,it very easy living with a man like this,a man so bad that you have to consider leaving unprepared and without your kids,just because you can't take a second more of this shit,and you can't let him think that you deserve his disrespect one minute more.Yes,its the easy way.

Quoting Anonymous:

Easy way out honey ?

[Anonymous]

Indeed easy way out.

Quoting Anonymous:

Oh yes,it very easy living with a man like this,a man so bad that you have to consider leaving unprepared and without your kids,just because you can't take a second more of this shit,and you can't let him think that you deserve his disrespect one minute more.Yes,its the easy way.

Quoting Anonymous:

Easy way out honey ?

[helloistaken]

This is angering me reading it,  you have not answered anyone who asked if you are going to see them. I am sorry but I would leave the toxic man behind and take my kids. He may call it abandonment and you will be screwed to get them back and he would be within his rights to stop you cause you are gonna cause them such sadness leaving them behind. 

Uggh I don't get some people.