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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

I'm considering leaving DH and not taking my kids.*UPDATE**UPDATE 2**

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
I know society frowns upon mothers who leave their kids behind,but they have a good lifestyle with DH,a great house,private schools,and (I'm sure this will get me more bashings still)a nanny.I can't afford that life for them right now,I'm unemployed and I need to get on my feet first,get a job,my own place,etc

DH isn't abusive,and he used to be a very good dad,I just can't be with him anymore,everyday in this house kills me a little bit more,I don't like him,I'm falling out of love with him.I want a divorce so badly,so urgently...I'm just hoping that one day my kids won't judge me too harshly for this.It won't be permanent.

Update

Thank you to everyone who replied,I know it was sometimes frustrating thinking I "won't take your advice",its hard to explain the situation you live in to a 3rd person,especially over the net,there's obviously a lot I haven't stated,how could I?its too much.

And to the ones who said "bad mom,selfish bitch,you don't deserve kids etc"you don't make me feel bad,because nothing you said was true,SO I just rolled my eyes at your tantrums,and moved along to more constructive posts.

As a mom,I can understand where a lot of you are coming from,but I can't act on my emotions alone,I have to be realistic,its hard realizing that the best place for my kids might not be with me for now,that I might have to let go a little bit to strengthen all our futures.

Lastly,I'm moving 2 hours away,first month,then look for a place close to their school and house,first month I'd drive to be with them several times a week,and after I get a place closer to them,I can continue to pick them up from school everyday and spend afternoons with them,while I don't work,if I find a job,I'll still see them after work,and during holidays.<
UPDATE 2
br />
Thank you again,I've seen such amazing women in this post,that have given me food for thought,some have even made me really hope for my marriage to work,I didn't have the slightest interest in that when I started this post,I enjoyed reading the stories of those women,I wish I could have read many more stories of getting through the tough times in marriage.

There others I would like to thank are the ones with stories from their childhoods,and those with alternate suggestions,I was in such a dark place when I wrote this post,now I see that my options are not as limited as I thought.

I expected to be so bashed,I was surprised at the compassion,even from moms who didn't agree with me.Thank you moms.
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Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 19, 2012 at 3:00 AM
Replies (31-40):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 19, 2012 at 4:19 AM
1 mom liked this
Tell me,where do I take them?do I take them out of school?out of their beds?and go where?their dad is a lazy,selfish asshole who's given over the parenting reigns completely to me...BUT I don't doubt for one second that he will step up and do good by his kids,does a father's love not matter as much?


Quoting helloistaken:

Kids don't need nannies and private schools. They need a mothers love. If i were in your situation leaving the kids is one sentence I could not ever type. 

It would not even enter my head on my most dizziest of days to leave my daughter regardless if she was left behind in a mansion.

So dad has checked out mentally and emotionally and now you are gonna leave them with him perhaps , how does that work? 


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3xangel
by *Angelicious* on Feb. 19, 2012 at 4:20 AM
1 mom liked this
This. I suggest you try marriage and individual counseling instead of just up and leaving. If your dh is great with the kids and is more stable than you, I don't see a problem with you leaving the kids with him.

Quoting KrissyKC:

Sounds like DH isn't the problem.   You are having problems inside of yourself.   You don't feel like you or your life has any value or anything.

I suggest individual counseling and find hobbies and interests that give you value as a person.   You feel lost in your husband's world and don't have much in your own.


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Cheekimomonkey
by on Feb. 19, 2012 at 4:21 AM
12 moms liked this

If he doesn't abuse you, provides for his family, and aparently doesn't seem to treat you bad at all from the way you've been talking about him in your previous posts.  How can anyone pity you?  Unless there's a WHOLE-nother-story that you're leaving out, sounds like you, YES YOU, are the one with the problem not him.


Your kids will judge you, probably harshly.  

Quoting Anonymous:

Oh yes,it very easy living with a man like this,a man so bad that you have to consider leaving unprepared and without your kids,just because you can't take a second more of this shit,and you can't let him think that you deserve his disrespect one minute more.Yes,its the easy way.


Quoting Anonymous:

Easy way out honey ?


helloistaken
by on Feb. 19, 2012 at 4:27 AM
2 moms liked this

Well it sounds like he has checked out lady so yea a fathers love in this case seems irrelevant. We do not agree but I would stay in a damn caravan or trailer as you call them there just to have my kids with me, seriously. As I said,  it would not be in my vocab to say,  bye kids, I will come get you guys when i get on track with my life.

Can you stay with family? friends, can he leave? my point simply is i would sleep in the car before parting with them, yes I would and they would love me for it!

Quoting Anonymous:

Tell me,where do I take them?do I take them out of school?out of their beds?and go where?their dad is a lazy,selfish asshole who's given over the parenting reigns completely to me...BUT I don't doubt for one second that he will step up and do good by his kids,does a father's love not matter as much?


Quoting helloistaken:

Kids don't need nannies and private schools. They need a mothers love. If i were in your situation leaving the kids is one sentence I could not ever type. 

It would not even enter my head on my most dizziest of days to leave my daughter regardless if she was left behind in a mansion.

So dad has checked out mentally and emotionally and now you are gonna leave them with him perhaps , how does that work? 



Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 19, 2012 at 4:51 AM
1 mom liked this
Nobody has asked if I will see them.Yes,of course I will,several times a week when I can,also I do plan on fighting for custody,the only reason I'm considering leaving them for a while is because I need time to get on my feet,find a job,get a new place,get enough money to support all of us.


Quoting helloistaken:

This is angering me reading it,  you have not answered anyone who asked if you are going to see them. I am sorry but I would leave the toxic man behind and take my kids. He may call it abandonment and you will be screwed to get them back and he would be within his rights to stop you cause you are gonna cause them such sadness leaving them behind. 

Uggh I don't get some people.


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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 19, 2012 at 4:55 AM
My main dilemma is school,and how I would have them live,what if we don't have food?what if I can only afford shady places?what if we won't be safe?my mom lives 2 hours away,I have 4 kids,all my friends have families,who would take us in?


Quoting helloistaken:

Well it sounds like he has checked out lady so yea a fathers love in this case seems irrelevant. We do not agree but I would stay in a damn caravan or trailer as you call them there just to have my kids with me, seriously. As I said,  it would not be in my vocab to say,  bye kids, I will come get you guys when i get on track with my life.

Can you stay with family? friends, can he leave? my point simply is i would sleep in the car before parting with them, yes I would and they would love me for it!


Quoting Anonymous:

Tell me,where do I take them?do I take them out of school?out of their beds?and go where?their dad is a lazy,selfish asshole who's given over the parenting reigns completely to me...BUT I don't doubt for one second that he will step up and do good by his kids,does a father's love not matter as much?





Quoting helloistaken:

Kids don't need nannies and private schools. They need a mothers love. If i were in your situation leaving the kids is one sentence I could not ever type. 

It would not even enter my head on my most dizziest of days to leave my daughter regardless if she was left behind in a mansion.

So dad has checked out mentally and emotionally and now you are gonna leave them with him perhaps , how does that work? 





Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Stelita
by on Feb. 19, 2012 at 4:56 AM

I'm not judging you by any means. I will tell you about my husband though. His mom cheated on his dad. Dad took full custody for the same reason (he was in the airforce). Maybe you won't be this way but she left and never looked back. She moved to another city and state and never sent a bday card, etc... He is a man with ISSUES, let me tell you. Most of them having to do with security. I personally think children can grow up ok without fathers, but not without mothers. If you do decide to leave, you have to put extra effort otherwise you can easily lose them with time... I love my husband but I know he always needed a mother. And it kills me sometimes. Hope you find your answer.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 19, 2012 at 4:59 AM
11 moms liked this
Yes,I'm not saying exactly what's happening,I live with him,what's wrong with him won't fit in any post.Not all monsters are good for nothing,unemployed,women beaters-the most dangerous people are the glossy ones,because nobody believes they aren't really what they seem.


Quoting Cheekimomonkey:

If he doesn't abuse you, provides for his family, and aparently doesn't seem to treat you bad at all from the way you've been talking about him in your previous posts.  How can anyone pity you?  Unless there's a WHOLE-nother-story that you're leaving out, sounds like you, YES YOU, are the one with the problem not him.


Your kids will judge you, probably harshly.  

Quoting Anonymous:

Oh yes,it very easy living with a man like this,a man so bad that you have to consider leaving unprepared and without your kids,just because you can't take a second more of this shit,and you can't let him think that you deserve his disrespect one minute more.Yes,its the easy way.





Quoting Anonymous:

Easy way out honey ?




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renijazzysmom
by Silver Member on Feb. 19, 2012 at 5:02 AM
4 moms liked this
Good for you, for thinking about your children's needs and not your own. Children deserve the best and sometimes being with their dad is.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 19, 2012 at 5:03 AM
Oh no,I'm not planning to make it permanent,I just need to get back on my feet.


Quoting Stelita:

I'm not judging you by any means. I will tell you about my husband though. His mom cheated on his dad. Dad took full custody for the same reason (he was in the airforce). Maybe you won't be this way but she left and never looked back. She moved to another city and state and never sent a bday card, etc... He is a man with ISSUES, let me tell you. Most of them having to do with security. I personally think children can grow up ok without fathers, but not without mothers. If you do decide to leave, you have to put extra effort otherwise you can easily lose them with time... I love my husband but I know he always needed a mother. And it kills me sometimes. Hope you find your answer.


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