I'm considering leaving DH and not taking my kids.*UPDATE**UPDATE 2**
DH isn't abusive,and he used to be a very good dad,I just can't be with him anymore,everyday in this house kills me a little bit more,I don't like him,I'm falling out of love with him.I want a divorce so badly,so urgently...I'm just hoping that one day my kids won't judge me too harshly for this.It won't be permanent.
Thank you to everyone who replied,I know it was sometimes frustrating thinking I "won't take your advice",its hard to explain the situation you live in to a 3rd person,especially over the net,there's obviously a lot I haven't stated,how could I?its too much.
And to the ones who said "bad mom,selfish bitch,you don't deserve kids etc"you don't make me feel bad,because nothing you said was true,SO I just rolled my eyes at your tantrums,and moved along to more constructive posts.
As a mom,I can understand where a lot of you are coming from,but I can't act on my emotions alone,I have to be realistic,its hard realizing that the best place for my kids might not be with me for now,that I might have to let go a little bit to strengthen all our futures.
Lastly,I'm moving 2 hours away,first month,then look for a place close to their school and house,first month I'd drive to be with them several times a week,and after I get a place closer to them,I can continue to pick them up from school everyday and spend afternoons with them,while I don't work,if I find a job,I'll still see them after work,and during holidays.<
Thank you again,I've seen such amazing women in this post,that have given me food for thought,some have even made me really hope for my marriage to work,I didn't have the slightest interest in that when I started this post,I enjoyed reading the stories of those women,I wish I could have read many more stories of getting through the tough times in marriage.
There others I would like to thank are the ones with stories from their childhoods,and those with alternate suggestions,I was in such a dark place when I wrote this post,now I see that my options are not as limited as I thought.
I expected to be so bashed,I was surprised at the compassion,even from moms who didn't agree with me.Thank you moms.