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I'm considering leaving DH and not taking my kids.*UPDATE**UPDATE 2**

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
I know society frowns upon mothers who leave their kids behind,but they have a good lifestyle with DH,a great house,private schools,and (I'm sure this will get me more bashings still)a nanny.I can't afford that life for them right now,I'm unemployed and I need to get on my feet first,get a job,my own place,etc

DH isn't abusive,and he used to be a very good dad,I just can't be with him anymore,everyday in this house kills me a little bit more,I don't like him,I'm falling out of love with him.I want a divorce so badly,so urgently...I'm just hoping that one day my kids won't judge me too harshly for this.It won't be permanent.


Thank you to everyone who replied,I know it was sometimes frustrating thinking I "won't take your advice",its hard to explain the situation you live in to a 3rd person,especially over the net,there's obviously a lot I haven't stated,how could I?its too much.

And to the ones who said "bad mom,selfish bitch,you don't deserve kids etc"you don't make me feel bad,because nothing you said was true,SO I just rolled my eyes at your tantrums,and moved along to more constructive posts.

As a mom,I can understand where a lot of you are coming from,but I can't act on my emotions alone,I have to be realistic,its hard realizing that the best place for my kids might not be with me for now,that I might have to let go a little bit to strengthen all our futures.

Lastly,I'm moving 2 hours away,first month,then look for a place close to their school and house,first month I'd drive to be with them several times a week,and after I get a place closer to them,I can continue to pick them up from school everyday and spend afternoons with them,while I don't work,if I find a job,I'll still see them after work,and during holidays.<
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Thank you again,I've seen such amazing women in this post,that have given me food for thought,some have even made me really hope for my marriage to work,I didn't have the slightest interest in that when I started this post,I enjoyed reading the stories of those women,I wish I could have read many more stories of getting through the tough times in marriage.

There others I would like to thank are the ones with stories from their childhoods,and those with alternate suggestions,I was in such a dark place when I wrote this post,now I see that my options are not as limited as I thought.

I expected to be so bashed,I was surprised at the compassion,even from moms who didn't agree with me.Thank you moms.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 19, 2012 at 3:00 AM
Replies (61-70):
by Ruby Member on Feb. 19, 2012 at 12:44 PM
Well, good luck. :/

I don't think you are a bad person or a bad mother, I can see you want the best for your kids. Money isn't everything though.
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by on Feb. 19, 2012 at 12:45 PM
8 moms liked this
arrghh..I'm not the spelling police usually but it's counselor and counseling..
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by Ruby Member on Feb. 19, 2012 at 12:47 PM
Good luck what ever you do. Hopefully you can get yourself situated
by on Feb. 19, 2012 at 12:48 PM
1 mom liked this

 I'm sorry you're having such a terrible time. I had ppd with my first child, and I just wanted to run away and never look back. Counseling, medication, and coping skill changed my life. Good luck.

by Ruby Member on Feb. 19, 2012 at 12:49 PM
If he used to be a good dad why would you leave them?
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by Anonymous 8 on Feb. 19, 2012 at 12:50 PM
3 moms liked this

I let my ex take my dd because he was better set up than I was and had more support.  Here we are 6 years later he still has full custody and there is nothing I can do about it.  I understand wanting the best for them and how hard it is to let them stay with the parent that is better able to supply things for them. I know first hand it does not make you a bad mother, but I also know first hand that you are most likely not going to be able to get custody of your children back. I have joint custody with him being primary and unless she begs him and a court takes her side my daughter will always live with my ex.  I am not saying you are a bad mom for thinking about it.  It takes a very good mom to realize that her situation is not the best one for the kids. I am just warning you so that you can plan. If I where you I would stick it out till one of those job offers comes through.

by on Feb. 19, 2012 at 12:50 PM
9 moms liked this

okay first off you will get more help and services to get on your feet if you HAVE your kids with you.  i would start with social services and see what options you have as far as getting into a womans shelter or some kind of temporary housing.  is staying with mom an option?  i know you hate pulling them out of school and uprooting them but trust me, if your husband is really that bad there is a chance he will take it out on the children either by mentally abusing them or creating a horrible custody battle that will scar them for life.

you also will have access to emergency food stamps if you dont have ANY money so dont worry about food.  oh and there is this thing called child support....and maybe alimony depending on the situation.  if he is making that good of money you will get a temorary order for child support which he can contest but until it the divorce is final he will still have to pay it.  you need to file for divorce FIRST and take your children with you if you truly want this to work out in your favor.  i dont think you or your kids should stay with him....please reconsider leaving them behind.

by on Feb. 19, 2012 at 12:53 PM
14 moms liked this

They will judge you. You will never regain custody, you'll have every other weekend at best. You might have to pay child support. 

Instead, consider a different course of action. Stay in the house, put together an exit plan. Save money (hide it, stash it away, or sell something of yours), and hire a lawyer. File for divorce while remaining in the house, with the kids. File for pendente lite child support and temporary custody.  Chances are, he will be ordered to leave the house, he will be the one granted EOWE visitation, and he will pay you child support. He might also have to pay the mortgage until you sell the house. Half the house is yours. Think about how you want this to end, and then follow the strategy that gets you there.

Good luck.

by on Feb. 19, 2012 at 12:55 PM
1 mom liked this

 Just live separate lives, and get on your feet while still in the home. Make some kind of arrangement with him, and maybe try telling him what is going on. How can you know he wont go to counseling, if you haven't even told him what you are thinking. I would stay married to him, atleast long enough to get on my feet and to keep my children with me. Go back to school, and get a plan do not just run out. That is a huge mistake, and your children will hold resentment for you because of it.

by Anonymous 9 on Feb. 19, 2012 at 12:56 PM
3 moms liked this

 Trust me being with their mother is better for them than private schools, a mansion, and a nanny. You should get your shit together before you move out so you dont have to leave your kids. I have seen the long term affects this can have on a child and they will one day resent you for it.  Both parents are important but there is something about a mother that cant be replaced with a nanny. IMO

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