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I'm considering leaving DH and not taking my kids.*UPDATE**UPDATE 2**

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
I know society frowns upon mothers who leave their kids behind,but they have a good lifestyle with DH,a great house,private schools,and (I'm sure this will get me more bashings still)a nanny.I can't afford that life for them right now,I'm unemployed and I need to get on my feet first,get a job,my own place,etc

DH isn't abusive,and he used to be a very good dad,I just can't be with him anymore,everyday in this house kills me a little bit more,I don't like him,I'm falling out of love with him.I want a divorce so badly,so urgently...I'm just hoping that one day my kids won't judge me too harshly for this.It won't be permanent.


Thank you to everyone who replied,I know it was sometimes frustrating thinking I "won't take your advice",its hard to explain the situation you live in to a 3rd person,especially over the net,there's obviously a lot I haven't stated,how could I?its too much.

And to the ones who said "bad mom,selfish bitch,you don't deserve kids etc"you don't make me feel bad,because nothing you said was true,SO I just rolled my eyes at your tantrums,and moved along to more constructive posts.

As a mom,I can understand where a lot of you are coming from,but I can't act on my emotions alone,I have to be realistic,its hard realizing that the best place for my kids might not be with me for now,that I might have to let go a little bit to strengthen all our futures.

Lastly,I'm moving 2 hours away,first month,then look for a place close to their school and house,first month I'd drive to be with them several times a week,and after I get a place closer to them,I can continue to pick them up from school everyday and spend afternoons with them,while I don't work,if I find a job,I'll still see them after work,and during holidays.<
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Thank you again,I've seen such amazing women in this post,that have given me food for thought,some have even made me really hope for my marriage to work,I didn't have the slightest interest in that when I started this post,I enjoyed reading the stories of those women,I wish I could have read many more stories of getting through the tough times in marriage.

There others I would like to thank are the ones with stories from their childhoods,and those with alternate suggestions,I was in such a dark place when I wrote this post,now I see that my options are not as limited as I thought.

I expected to be so bashed,I was surprised at the compassion,even from moms who didn't agree with me.Thank you moms.
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Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 19, 2012 at 3:00 AM
Replies (81-90):
by Bronze Member on Feb. 19, 2012 at 1:08 PM
6 moms liked this

 Sounds like you two have just grown apart over the years. That happens to everyone at some point or another. Life gets you busy and you stop working on your relationship cause you feel like you are in a safe zone. You need to work on your relationship. Sounds like you need to get a job, let go of the nanny and just be the person you set out to be. You are relying on everyone else for happiness, they aren't giving it to you now you want to look elsewhere for it. You won't find it there either.

Let the nanny go, spend time with your kids, their isn't anything she can give them that you can't. Get a job a couple days a week, just so that you find yourself and spend time with everyday ppl and not sit around feeling worthless. It happens time to time you feel as though you aren't contributing to anything. Just working and having a little self worth helps eons.

Then spend one night a week out with your dh. Not with you or him working on other things, spend that time together, talk about hopes and dreams for the future.  Find what you still have in common. Go do something childish with each other. Sounds like thats all you need to do to me. Find yourself. You can do that without leaving dh or your kids. But thats just my opinion.

by on Feb. 19, 2012 at 1:09 PM

Quoting KrissyKC:

Sounds like DH isn't the problem.   You are having problems inside of yourself.   You don't feel like you or your life has any value or anything.

I suggest individual counseling and find hobbies and interests that give you value as a person.   You feel lost in your husband's world and don't have much in your own.


it also sounds like you want to have a relationship with the kids and you may want custody in the future

it is really hard to get it if you leave now

seek help now please to find out what the best possible way out is

by on Feb. 19, 2012 at 1:09 PM

Not sure where you live but when divorcing and depending where kids reside if the mom is primary custodian then dad usually leaves the home and still provides so that the kids lives are not changed. I can't answer if your kids will forgive you but how you go about will certainly shape them.  Have you tried counseling? This sounds like more than just wanting a divorce.  Prayers and hugs.

by on Feb. 19, 2012 at 1:09 PM
3 moms liked this

I'm wondering if you might be depressed.Sounds like you have enough money that you can pretty much do what you want. Use this to your advantage. ASk yourself, what do I want? An education, a better body, a sense of purpose? Use your circumstances to get what you want. Go back to school, or take exercise classes, or volunteer.Do you know how many women would love to have your financial advantages? You could go to school full time and get a degree in something, then when you leave you can support yourself.

by on Feb. 19, 2012 at 1:09 PM
He is a good dad and doesn't abuse you? What's the problem? You sound selfish.
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by Anonymous 13 on Feb. 19, 2012 at 1:11 PM

I have felt this before. I got my own place and I had everything but I still felt so empty.I felt accomplished that I could do it on my own but I went back because all I needed was to prove mmy self worth. I did make a mistake along that way but it's something that you need to do sometimes. My child's father is an excellent dad though even when I am not the best mother he does for his child!

by Anonymous 14 on Feb. 19, 2012 at 1:12 PM

"he USED to be a very good dad."  So, he isn't a very good dad know and you want to leave your kids with him?  I understand you think they have a great life with their dad, but they need their mom. 

by on Feb. 19, 2012 at 1:15 PM

I was going to say this as well.  I can understand that you feel that you're between a rock and a hard place, but the courts will think you're a horrible mother and may even assume that it was a case of abandonment which could put you in jeopardy of losing custody of your children.  Just take that under advisement.  I'm not trying to pass judgment on you.  You sound like a very involved and loving mother who would even think about doing this unless you felt you didn't have a choice.

Quoting Anonymous:

Do what you must but be forewarned that courts ALSO frown upon mothers who leave their children.
Your husband can use that against you and keep custody of the kids if you ever do decide that you can take care of them and it'll be tough shit for you.

by Anonymous 15 on Feb. 19, 2012 at 1:18 PM
1 mom liked this
Im not going to bash you like everyone else on here because honestly I am going through the same thing. My dh has beaten me down so I honestly feel like nothing, he won't allow me to work, belittles me every chance he can get and has made my life a living hell. For about a year now I have cried myself to sleep and though about just leaving. I know the kids are better off with him because he in finically secure and I haven't worked in 9 years. Not to mention the emotional mess I would be.

I'm offering you support. :) and I honestly hope things get better or you won't regret your decision.
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by Anonymous 16 on Feb. 19, 2012 at 1:18 PM

I wish the best for you in whatever you decide. It can't be promised that your children won't hold it against you someday. My sister has left 2 out of her 3 children behind twice and they lost respect for her after the first time she left. They Love her but it's hard for them.

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