hmmm... step children

[Anonymous]

Any suggestions about bonding with and dealing with EXTREMELY DIFFICULT step children(6&8).

[Kmartiiiin]

Do something fun, but don't over do it I made that mistake with my step son we'd always do something fun together but then he started to except it and became even MORE difficult if we didn't do what he wanted, so pretty much I shouldn't be giving advice on this subject but let me know what you come up with :)

[Anonymous]

I would say try and make them comfortable when they are over, make kid food, have comfy beds make things inviting for them. Do not talk in a high voice when talking to them.Always ask how their mother is.Do not try to be to to nice.  As much as it kills you smile.

[Marie9076]

Just depends on the situation. Why are they extremely difficult? How are they difficult? Arguing, disrespect...? Try to be a friend to them and not a parental figure if at all possible. Leave most or all of the rule making, punishments, and all the other parental stuff to their father. Play games with them, take them to the park, etc. You are not their mom, don't try to be. It will come back to bite you... TRUST ME!! There a some good step parenting groups on here, check them out. Just beware of some of the ones who's "advice" is pointing out everything you're doing wrong. Good luck!

[Anonymous - Original Poster]

They can both be very disrespectful and mean to eachother as well as to me. They live with us now, but when they lived with their mom she seemed like she didn't care... always left them either alone or with random people, fed them whatever, would NOT discipline them even when they were violent and everything, never helped them with their homework nor set any real goals for school at all. They are 6 and 8 but sometimes it is like talking to difficult teens and other times its like they are toddlers. idk some days are great but most are so tough. I have to be the main care giver as my husband is currently military and is gone a lot and she is in a different state plus doesnt seem to care unless she thinks someone thinks she is a bad mother. It almost makes me resentful to get stuck with being the saving grace ("the good mother"- i dont want to take her place or anything like that i just dont want to be miserable forever... i do homework and taught the youngest to tie shoes as well as encourage them to be better humans etc) because it is so hard and no one seems to appreciate it. We will be moving back home soon and keeping custody b/c he is so afraid she just wont step up. I just need help to make this easier on everyone because I cant think straight as i am "all in my feeling right now" if that makes any sense lol. when they first came i was pregnant and all hormonal now i am breatfeeding and still emotional and hormonal like crazy.

[Fatal_Frost]

 Time and consistancy...   It could take years, but as long as you're consistant, and show them you're not going anywhere and are a loving caring authority figure in their lives, it should work out fine...   Its not an easy road, because its not like being a bio-parent, but if you're treating them the same as you treat your bio kids, they'll eventually come around...  The less emotional baggage they have from the divorce and how their parents interact, the better chance they will have at adjusting to you quicker...