Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

was i wrong or did i do the right thing...?

Posted by on Feb. 21, 2012 at 8:04 PM
  • 14 Replies

shruggingSo this has been bothering me for a while so i figure ill ask for outside opinions....

        A month or so ago a very good friend of mine (or so i thought)(lets call her friend "A") had her third miscarriage in the last year.... and was obviously very upset about it because she and her husband had been trying for a very long time for another child (she has a 4yo boy from a previous relationship) I have a 7yo and a 4yo both are very open when it comes to expressing there emotions...

       After my girls found out that my friend was pregnant they started kissing her belly and talking to the baby, and my friend was just fine with this, even encouraged it from all three of the kids. The first day that we where going over to their house to visit after I found out about the miscarriage my husband and i sat our girls down and explained that she had lost the baby and that she was very sad about it and for them not to run up to her and kiss the belly like they had been so they didn't upset her further...seemed reasonable to us. They did just fine, didn't say a word... two weeks later we found out that another friend of ours (friend "B", also friends with "A") was also pregnant...

      One day friend "B" was babysitting my girls for me and invited friend "A" over so the kids could play and hang out...first thing my 4yo said when friend "A" walked in the house was "why did you lose your baby", right in front of her son whom she had not and was not going to tell that she lost the baby (that's a whole different issue for me, i believe in being honest with my children, not pretending they are stupid and will just forget about a baby) at the point this happened we had no idea that she hadn't told him or that she wasn't planning to.

      Next thing i knew i got 6 livid text messages while i was at work from friend "A" screaming at me that I'ma horrible friend, that she cant believe "i would do this to her" and a whole lot of other not nice things including bad mouthing my kids and ending our friendship(not that i wouldnt have ended it after the way she talked about my kids).

did i really do something completely out of line or was she just over reacting?

by on Feb. 21, 2012 at 8:04 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
mantyangel
by Platinum Member on Feb. 21, 2012 at 8:09 PM
1 mom liked this

I thought you handled it very nicely but your friend is obviously in alot of pain over this.  Maybe give her some time to cool off and try to apologize and explain you did not mean to hurt her.  If she is not interested in fixing it, then just move on.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 21, 2012 at 8:19 PM
2 moms liked this
You did what is right for your family and she was doing what she felt was right for her family. Neither is wrong. She needs time to cool down. All you can do is give it some space
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
CopperGirl
by on Feb. 21, 2012 at 8:23 PM
1 mom liked this

I think you handled it pretty well really. Obviously you were trying to avoid causing her pain by your kids not running up to her like they did. She is hurting and will probably come to her senses eventually. I don't feel like you have anything to apologize for.

TC00
by on Feb. 21, 2012 at 8:25 PM
1 mom liked this
I think what you said was right and you did handle it right.
erika9009
by Bronze Member on Feb. 21, 2012 at 8:27 PM
1 mom liked this

Wow, you handled it really well.

Coming from experience on loosing a baby, you get all weird and fly off the handle at times.  I think your friend will come to her senses

hyper_bunny
by Gold Member on Feb. 21, 2012 at 8:28 PM
1 mom liked this

Absolutely not, you did nothing wrong at all. You did something very caring, you cared about your friends feelings and sat your kids down and explained things to them and what not to do so they wouldn't hurt her. Your child was curious and as you know kids are blunt, they don't understand that that would hurt her feelings. Even though she was hurt she shouldn't have talked about your child like that and it was wrong but she is going through such a hard time right now, she was probrably talking through hurt and pain and was totally caught off guard. I would let her have some time right now because she is angry, probrably not really at you but angry that she lost her baby and it is just coming out that way. Hopefully the two of you can work it out and you can get through this.

RaeAnne.USAF
by on Feb. 21, 2012 at 8:30 PM
1 mom liked this
Just give her time to cool down
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
nikki32230
by on Feb. 21, 2012 at 8:31 PM
1 mom liked this
I don't think there was anything else you could have done. Kids just say things sometimes. I think your friend is having a hard time dealing with this, give her some time and may e you can mend your friendship... Sorry mama :(
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
abby243
by on Feb. 21, 2012 at 8:41 PM
1 mom liked this
I am a very blunt person. Ill tell my kid the brutal truth. I think you did the right thing. Ive also lost 2 babies. I can understand her pain, but I could not imagine kids running up to my belly and kisding it and talking to emptiness when I just lost the baby. I think that would hurt me more. She is in pain, just lashing out. Give her time. Hugs to both of you honestly.
gr8d8n3mom
by Member on Feb. 21, 2012 at 8:55 PM
1 mom liked this

I think u were trying to protect friend A's feelings by telling your children, You had no idea friend A wasn't going to tell her child. (something she should have shared with you, so u could possibly explain it to your kids?) Kids are very open and literal, Your children didn't ask friend A to be mean,they asked out of curiosity. I know Friend A is hurting, I would give her time and space.. Maybe reach out to her in a little bit,if not.. let this friendship go. You had no intention to hurt her. I think you did really well.


planning a wedding


Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)