Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

should a man have a right to choose?

Posted by   + Show Post
Now i'm just asking for opinions on a very touchy subject. Please know I am in no way trying to offend anyone. Someone on my Facebook had this on their status, and I thought you ladies would give wonderful opinions.

Do you think men should have a right to choose wether or not a woman gets an abortion? Why/ or why not? Do you think if a woman says she wants to get one, but the father of the baby wants to raise the child he (and solely support the baby) should be able to?

Now this is the part that will make some of you upset. A person on my fb wrote this: if a woman decides to keep her baby, and the father didn't want her too, the dad pays child support. But if the man wanted to keep the baby, and the mom didn't want to she can abort. Shouldn't the dad get a say? Shouldn't he get to decide if he wants to keep his child and support it??

Go crazy ladies, would love to hear your thoughts!!
by on Feb. 22, 2012 at 8:46 AM
Replies (81-90):
AmaliaD
by Platinum Member on Feb. 22, 2012 at 9:46 AM

no... because some men would make women carry pregnancies that permanently damage the woman's health - until a man can carry a child in his gutt- he cannot create a baby and doesnt have any say in the matter -as it should be - and before you call me a man hater.  i am not,  i only have one child - a boy - so i understand the gravity of the discussion and the man has no place in deciding about abortion - because some men are not nobel enough to have that right.

Jerzymom
by on Feb. 22, 2012 at 9:46 AM
2 moms liked this

 Ya know what I think. In a "normal" situation People should THINK about this BEFOR they have sex.

AlwaysKISA
by Ruby Member on Feb. 22, 2012 at 9:47 AM
Yes. But seeing as how most abortions are performed during the first trimester it is difficult. You can still do it through chorionic villi sampling. But that is an invasive procedure. The chances of a woman consenting to such an invasive procedure that could take away her choice to terminate a pregnancy that she does not even want? Very slim. And you can't force someone into such an invasive procedure....i mean it's not like it's a urine or even a blood test.
even then the test is not performed until about 10 weeks, and like I said, the vast majority of abortions are performed before then.
Quoting brocksmom3:

Quoting AlwaysKISA:

I have said this a million times before and I will say it again. It's just not possible for the man to have a choice! There is no way to prove that baby is even his. If a woman wanted an abortion how easy would it be for her to just say "o it's not even his". Then his opinion would be null and void. So yea....the idea of the man having a choice? Never gonna happen.







Now i'm in no way disagreeing with your opinion..so correct me if i'm wrong. Isn't there a point in a pregnancy where a DNA test could be performed?
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 9 on Feb. 22, 2012 at 9:48 AM
1 mom liked this

No...It's pretty simple. It's the woman's body and only one person can have the final say....It should be the actual pregnant person. And, if someone says a man should have the final say to stop an abortion he should also have the final say to compel an abortion. Otherwise you're just being a hypocrite.

ta2dirishlass
by on Feb. 22, 2012 at 9:48 AM
3 moms liked this


Quoting L1558:

I have thought about this a LOT.

No, I still say the woman should be able to make that decision.

If a man pays child support, it will affect his income SOME. But if a woman has a baby, it will affect her income a LOT over her entire lifetime. She will also have to pay for daycare, assuming she works (most women who abort are single, according to many neutral statistics, even though not ALL, and therefore I'm guessing most also work). It will affect her body, it will affect her hormones, her breasts, her mind, and her future. That is a lot more changes TO THE WOMAN than the man, even if he sticks around, pays child support, and has a relationship with the child...he is still not going to be as affected by the pregnancy or child-rearing as the woman in almost ALL cases.

I still say NO, men need to stay the hell out of a woman's reproductive decision, period. They invade enough and we don't have enough representation.

You raise some excellent points that I agree with, among other posters.

First of all, child support affects some of his income, not all, I agree with that. I know some men pay out a lot and their partners don't agree with it, but my personal experience was being told 'Well, he still has to be able to live' but having no similar courtesy extended to me. I'm expected to suck it up and do what I have to no matter what but his obligation ends at $150 a month.

Not only money, but time and mental wear and tear as well. When a woman has a child, she accepts the financial burden and the missed work, sleep, and time in general. Her body and mind are put through the wringer and it does not let up for 18+ years. It's a tough job, we all know this because we experience it ourselves. Not that having a child isn't a blessing but it's not for the faint of heart.

In a perfect world, both partners would have equal say because they would have equal share of the burden. But biology says the brunt of childbearing falls to the woman, therefore I say the lion's share of decision making falls to her as well.

To the poster who's brother GF aborted just to hurt him, that sucks and I'm sorry that happened to him.

gotnothinonme
by on Feb. 22, 2012 at 9:48 AM
1 mom liked this


Quoting Gorilla_Mama:

I think the man shouldn't be able to demand she have an abortion, but he should be able to sign off all his rights and walk away if she won't abort.

The if she wants to and he doesn't, I'm on the fence about that. My DH's ex had an abortion when he would have raised the baby alone and that really hurts him to this day. But at the same time I find it hard to agree that you should be able to force a woman to be pregnant and go through labor. Plus if she's determined to abort and not allowed she could drink or do drugs or many other stupid things to try to force a miscarriage, and if she isn't succesful then the child suffers from her actions.

They largely already do that, lol. And while it isn't fair, the courts feel that if they can compell any involvement on the part of both parents it's beneficial to not only the child but society- first, because children lacking a parent are more statistically likely to abandon their own children, more likely to live below poverty level, more likely to commit crimes, and susceptible to any number of other statitistical downfalls not to mention who do you think picks up the tab for all these single parent children...society...through social programs, so while it's not fair that an unwilling father often gets stuck paying child support the courts view this as the least damagin of possible outcomes when weighted against socio-economic issues surrounding single parent children.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 10 on Feb. 22, 2012 at 9:49 AM
3 moms liked this

Honestly a man and woman should decide prior to having sex if they want children or not. A man should be allowed to talk to the woman and give his point of view. I am against abortion so in my opinion if you don't want kids use protection, multiple forms if necessary. In the case of teenagers parents need to set an example and talk to their kids about sex and protection. Don't just  trust that your kid isn't experimenting because you never know. Also in the case of teenagers parents should be very supportive of adoption instead of abortion because that can cause a lot of emotionally scarring on a teenage girl. The decision to have children takes two just like it takes two to create a child. I also don't feel it is right for a woman to trick a man into getting her pregnant. If you want children and you don't want a man to help you raise that baby then go to a sperm bank. Children are a precious gift from God and should not be destroyed because someone isn't ready to be a parnet. Use safe sex. My husband and I want more children but we know now isn't a good time so we use protection even though I hate the feeling of condoms I still make him wear one and I am on birth control. I think a man should have a say especially if he is willing to support her through the entire pregnancy and delievery. If she wants nothing to do with the baby after it's born then the father should have the right to sole custody. Just my opinion.

Gorilla_Mama
by Gold Member on Feb. 22, 2012 at 9:50 AM


Quoting Harleigh87:

unfortunatly no. But if the dad doesn't want the child he has every right to GIVE UP HIS RIGHTS. So he wont have to pay CS, but also wouldn't be able to see the baby either. 

Not always true, some states won't allow the father to sign off unless there is someone to step in and adopt, and even then they won't always allow adoption unless the man adopting has been married to mom for over a year and passes other court criteria like psych tests



CountryLayne
by on Feb. 22, 2012 at 9:51 AM

My mistake- it's early and I misread it. Guess I need some more coffee...

Quoting echoishername:

She said UNLESS it was rape... meaning she acknowledged that rape isn't consenting.

Quoting :


ta2dirishlass
by on Feb. 22, 2012 at 9:51 AM
3 moms liked this


Quoting gotnothinonme:


Quoting Anonymous:

i think if a father wants his baby he should be allowed the chance to be a parent. Yes, the mother is the one who has to carry it, but since they BOTH are in the situation together, i would think a mature woman could sacrifice a few months to let that baby grow and allow it to live, especially knowing that she could turn it over to the dad and it will be well taken care of. baby belongs to both of them, he should have a chance.

My sister says this as well, but how many men would use this power over a womans body to the detriment of women? To control, manipulate or extend a relationship? Would a rapist be allowed to demand that his victim carry to term? Can an abuser? Someone in prison? And what if the mother does things the father finds unnacceptable during pregnancy? Does he completely control the pregnancy utterly discounting the woman involved? Can the women then demand that a man not paying child support be chemically castrated so that he can't create more children he won't take care of? This is a slippery slope that our society is nowhere near prepared to handle, individual rights to our bodies and medical decisions are an integral and indispensable part of our freedom.

I'm joining the creepy I love you people because I'm loving your mind right now :)

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN