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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

My medical conditions have ruined my relationship with S/O.

Posted by on Feb. 23, 2012 at 9:42 PM
  • 5 Replies

I've been with my S/O for 11 years, minus a two year break thrown in. We've been through everything. Severe financial hardships to the point of eviction, him having cancer; me having pre-cancer and getting through tough times with relationships to do with our other family members. But the last two months has been the worst, not just for me but him.

I was diagnosed with a not very common medical condition around November last year. At first we coped ok with the diagnosis, and at the time I was still working on a casual basis. But over time I continued to feel worse, until I started another medication in mid January for it. Since then, everything has gone AWOL.

We have been wanting to move up the coastal line for over a year; a better chance to de-stress and be in an environment that makes us happy. But the medical conditions contradict the place we want to move to, because it requires close monitoring. He is finding this hard to come to terms with, and lately has become bitter and resentful. 

We now fight constantly, and he picks over the smallest things. He has trouble eating, and is always in bed or moping around the house. He wants so badly to get up there, that he asked his Parents if he could move back in with them (they are on the coast) - But they plain out refuse, as they feel he should be here taking care of me. He now thinks they are giving him the "shift" and takes his anger out on me and the kids for it. There is nothing I can do, as I have no control over the situation. 

I called his Mother this morning, and asked if she would consider letting him go up there for a break. But I knew what her answer would be. At the moment I have trouble driving, as one of the medications I take effects my vision. I don't want him gone, and I don't want our relationship to end. But I've done everything I can to try and help the situation. From helping him as much as I can personally, to talking to his Mother. But when I get sick again at any time of the day or night, it triggers him off to get upset again. Truly, I think he is having a nervous breakdown. 

The more he is forced to stay here, the more he resents being with me and the kids. And his parents won't back down from their decisions. Myself and the kids are now paying for this, because he feels he has nowhere to go. He can't get his own place, because he has no money. He can't go to his Parents house, and in his words he doesn't want to be here. I feel now as well, like I'm literally being forced to live his misery and it isn't helping my health; or the health of my kids.

I would gladly tell him to go so he can claim his own sanity. But I now feel like a total stranger to my own S/O. I'm the one now fighting to keep the family together, and physically I don't know if I've got that capacity. The kids are paying more than what I or SO ever would. I just wish he would see it for what it is... I apologise for the vent.   *Sigh*


by on Feb. 23, 2012 at 9:42 PM
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Replies (1-5):
haydsmom2007
by Gold Member on Feb. 23, 2012 at 9:46 PM
1 mom liked this

I think it's very sad that he has that much emotional distress over being with his FAMILY. Being on the coast is really that much more important than being with you and your kids? That's just sad and I feel sorry for you and your children.

emilysmom8
by Platinum Member on Feb. 23, 2012 at 9:52 PM
I am sorry but him being "forced" to stay with you because he "needs to take care of you" is only going to make him more bitter and resent you and everyone else more! Honestly I think the best thing would be for him to move away from you he is obviouisly causing you more stress than needed! Besides if he loved you he would be by you in sickness and health which means instead of being worried about moving to the coast he SHOULD be worried about getting you healthier
DejaVooDoo
by Silver Member on Feb. 23, 2012 at 9:54 PM

There are so many things, as to why it turned out the way it did. All that stuff above, plus my Mother and Sister live with me. He says he feels "used". He does a huge amount of yard work, house work when I don't have the physical capability; plus at times he is also cleaning up the mess of his in-laws. There is so much info, I didn't get a chance to chuck that in. But he feels like he has been given the burden to take care of the whole house including myself. My Mother and Sister are now looking for another place (as I was the one who took them in, not vice versa). But I have a feeling it wouldn't make any difference. If they weren't here, he would find something else to complain about.

Quoting haydsmom2007:

I think it's very sad that he has that much emotional distress over being with his FAMILY. Being on the coast is really that much more important than being with you and your kids? That's just sad and I feel sorry for you and your children.


DejaVooDoo
by Silver Member on Feb. 23, 2012 at 9:56 PM

That is how I feel. I want him here because I know I love him. But he isn't happy. His Parents have told him, to give himself outtings - Go places, catch up with friends in between. But there is only so much he can do. He was in bed all of this morning, then got up at lunch time to walk down to the shops. He never does that. He hasn't been back in hours, and even though I'm worried about where he is - I'm not going to chase after him.

Quoting emilysmom8:

I am sorry but him being "forced" to stay with you because he "needs to take care of you" is only going to make him more bitter and resent you and everyone else more! Honestly I think the best thing would be for him to move away from you he is obviouisly causing you more stress than needed! Besides if he loved you he would be by you in sickness and health which means instead of being worried about moving to the coast he SHOULD be worried about getting you healthier


DejaVooDoo
by Silver Member on Feb. 25, 2012 at 6:07 AM

So, he came back from his walk after I picked up our son from school. He was non-responsive, and I didn't want to the stay in the house. It has been a bit depressive as I haven't had a chance to go anywhere. So, I went to a birthday party down to the local river with my kids and a few cousins - And gave him some fresh air at home. My Mother and Sister came with me, so he would be left alone. When I got back he was much better. We sat down and had a talk, and it looks like he has come to his final decision.

My main worry was whether or not he could cope with giving me emergency treatment. I am about to buy my own emergency treatment kit, as I wear an ID tag to identify medical crisis. He has a phobia of needles, and I don't really picture him having the gall to jab a needle into one of my muscles in order to revive me. So, I took him aside and asked him. He said he would do anything - Fire and water in order to give me that needle. He just wants me to show him how to use it. That told me how he felt. 

I have told him myself I would rather him not go up north alone without me. He is fine with it mostly, but he just wants to have a home of his own. At the moment, living with the IL's he doesn't feel like that is the case. As for staying in this area permanently, most likely not. I'm still willing to move beachside if I want to. I would rather it actually, but until this is under control - which it isn't we won't be going anywhere.

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