I have been having awful nightmares for a little over a month now. I can't shake them.
One dream, I was being murdered by my adopted mother. I could see her laying over my body as my soul crept out of me. I don't remember much about that one.
On another night, I dreamt that I went to the doctor and was told I had breast cancer. In the dream I was so torn, because I needed a mastectomy and I knew it was best but I was having trouble accepting what was going to happen. So to make me feel better, my husband took me to a ski resort to vacation and get my mind off of it for a couple of days. As I was skiing and enjoying myself, I fell down a hill and rolled a few times and became stuck in the snow. I screamed and yelled and no one heard me, I could hear cars on the highway through the trees, but couldn't move. I just kept thinking I wanted to kiss my children one last time and I woke up as I felt my soul leaving my body.
And the dream I had last night, the one that really got me emotional. I dreamt that my daughter, whom is 2, was playing on the concrete porch at my Mother's new home (we have been helping her move) and somehow fell. When she fell, she fell hard. She ended up having blood on her brain and something else (don't remember what), she ended up dying. I didn't see her funeral, but I saw her lifeless body laying in the hospital bed. Well, in the dream it skipped to a few months later and me, my grandmother, and mom were shopping in an antique store and something reminded me of her and I started screaming that I wanted her back and it wasn't fair. I cannot describe to you how my heart felt in this dream, I could feel the loss in my womb, like I had been stabbed a million times. It felt so real...
I don't know why I am making this post, I guess I just need to let it out. I don't know what to do about these nightmares. It is almost to the point that I don't want to sleep.
My stepfather passed away in a terrible car accident 2 months ago. He was the only one, out of four, to not be able to have an open casket. I saw what he looked like when they sent his body home. I even helped Dh, pick through his clothes, that for some reason the police mailed to my mom, and there was brain matter on them. I know it sounds stupid, but I find myself not able to look at raw hamburger meat without feeling sick to my stomach and thinking about what he looked like laying in the funeral home.
If you have read this far, thank you. I just needed to get this off of my chest and hoping for maybe some type of advice.