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I am a lesbian who married a man! (long but need advice)

Posted by Anonymous
  • 5 Replies

All my life I have been attracted to woman. (since I could remember) My firsts where all with girls. I hide me liking girls til I was about 15 and I came out that I was bisexual. But only close close friends knew. I dated guys so people at school would think I was straight, at 16 a girl told my whole very small school talking about 500 kids in high school. And I was bullied and picked on and just terrified. So dated a man once a gain and I had my first daughter, if I had to play the part I had to have sex. I kept dating men and than I came around my husband who doesn't mind me being "bi" But since the 5 month we started dating I confessed to him that I am so much more attracted to woman than anything else he cried. I have such a soft spot with it, its hard for me to deal with it. I have two daughters. One from my first daughter father and with him. I didn't have sex with a lot of men, and I was trying to be careful. I've had sex with more woman than men. I never could keep a relationship with a man cause I always cheated on men with a women. I am trying so hard not to cheat on my husband. I love him and care about him. He thinks of me as the best thing that ever happened to him. He truly loves me. I'm scared to hurt him. I don't wanna do that. He doesn't want me to have any woman on the side and he doesn't want me to leave. But I feel like I am always mad at him and I sometimes freak out on him cause hes not a woman. When I see men with their shirts off I just wanna put the damn shirt back on, but when I see woman in their bras or even a tight shirt I feel butterflies and tingles. I love my husband, he is my best friend, I care about him. But I don't think its I'm in love with you kinda deal. I feel more like hey your my best friend I will do anything for you, be there for you....kinda deal. He refuses to go to gay pride festivals, and do anything like that with me. Sometimes I feel like he is trying to turn me straight. I am not sure what to even do. I feel lost and confused. I feel like I should be happy with being a lesbian and get a divorce, but than my children love him so much. I would hate to ruin their life cause mommy wanted to go be a lesbian. I feel like I failed so much. I'm depressed, mad, and I hate myself. But I don't let anyone know these things. I've talked to so many lesbian girls about this, and the one wanted to date me, and she is my friend. I see her and I just wanna kiss her. Ugh. Why does life have to be so hard sometimes. Why does it suck so bad...when it comes to this. I never wanted to hurt anyone. I thought the stupid feelings would go away...but they suck and I hate them. I hate being in the middle of this...and putting my husband through this and my kids. How could I do this. =| I am nothing but a failure.

Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 25, 2012 at 4:37 AM
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Replies (1-5):
by on Feb. 25, 2012 at 5:15 AM

You sound like you are Bi.  I think if you find that you are it would be easier for you and your hubby to embrace. KWIM? what do you think?

by on Feb. 25, 2012 at 5:28 AM
Kids are never the reason to stay with someone. If you're not happy for what ever reason your whole family is going to feel it. If you don't think the relationship will work why drag it out?

That being said, think long and hard about what to do because you won't be able to undo it. Unfortunately if you chose to leave your DH you also lose your BFF and you may find you were just lusting for a woman.
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by on Feb. 25, 2012 at 6:06 AM

I read your post, I don't know what you should do I've never been in the exact situation as you. I agree a little with both other replies. You can't stay with someone just for the kids. In the long run, them seeing you so unhappy all the time will only hurt them. On the other hand, you could possibly be throwing away something really good because of lust. Which is easily mistaken for love. 

If I were you, I'd seperate from dh for a while. Find out what it's like not to be with him. Start a relationship with a woman. Explain to your dh how unhappy you are. Tell him you love him, he's your best friend and that as your best friend he needs to support you in this decision (or something to that extent). If he truely loves you he will. If not you don't deserve to spend your whole life wonder "what if" follow your heart. In your post you seem to know what you really want. It just hard and your scared you're making the wrong choice for your family. But if mama's not happy no one is. You have to look out for yourself to be the best mom you can be. 

by Ruby Member on Feb. 25, 2012 at 7:11 AM
1 mom liked this

You made a committment to your husband.  He deserves better than a cheating, lustful wife. 

by Anonymous 2 on Feb. 25, 2012 at 7:21 AM

IDK. You knew you were a lesbian and you married anyways... Why would you do that to him, your kids, and yourself? I am more attracted to women. A LOT  more but I met my now dh when I was 14 and didn't realize the extent of my bi'ness til I was in my 20's. You...... You knew..... My husband, on the other hand, if very much ok with me having a chick on the side.. Yeah, I don't know what to tell ya..

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