How do I tell my MIL, without offending her...

[Anonymous]

That she really needs to knock it off with her sense of entitlement? We help her out alot but if we dare say "no" to her, she acts like a child and has even refused to come over after we drove across town to pick her up. She just takes advantage of our good nature and I'm sick of it. Otherwise she is a nice woman and I love her, we used to be very close. Since I've become a mother she judges everything I do. She pretty much raised her other grand children, she says they feel like her 5th and 6th children - her son's kids. Mother was a deadbeat. Kids haven't seen her in years. Anyway, I am the opposite, I am with my child 97% of the time and am the primary caregiver. So I think this bothers her but would never admit it. I'm going to see her on Thursday and I just don't know how I can open up to her without hurting her feelings.

[mom2cheesebug]

Let her know that you are willing to accept suggestions from now on, but she is by no means allowed to tell you how to raise your child. I would also let her know that if you drive across town to get her and she refuses to go, it will be the last time you go out of your way for her. She is an adult and needs to be a good role model for her grandchild, not undermine your parenting skills.

[Anonymous - Original Poster]

Part of me feels like its all pointless, because I don't think I'll be able to get her to see things from my (and everyone else's) perspective. She thinks we're all greedy and always pulls the "poor me" card. How can you get someone like that to understand?

Quoting mom2cheesebug:

Let her know that you are willing to accept suggestions from now on, but she is by no means allowed to tell you how to raise your child. I would also let her know that if you drive across town to get her and she refuses to go, it will be the last time you go out of your way for her. She is an adult and needs to be a good role model for her grandchild, not undermine your parenting skills.

[AtillaTheHun]

She needs to understand that she is NOT your children´s mother. YOU are. YOU are responsible for them and YOU take care of them. She is ONLY the grandmother and she should act like one. This might be a bitter pill for her to swallow, but oh well! Life is tough.

As far as her feeling of entitlement goes, I´d tell her that if she doesn't knock it off, there will not be any more help from your side. Enough is enough and you are too old for those kind childish games, and she should have outgrown that a lot time ago. Be consequent and follow through with it. She might not like it in the beginning, but at some point she will have to accept it. Good luck!!