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Yes I know I am a piece of shit parent babies annoy me so fuck off!

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 16 Replies

I had a breakdown the day I brought my son home from the hospital after crying for a day in a half at night in the hospital.

I came home cried my night away in the shower.  My husband had to feed and take care/swaddle our two day old since I couldn't do it since I was recovering and was so hormonal my milk was coming in and my mom had to give him his first bath since I was so scared of my own child getting hurt.

I hated breasfeeding at first but never bonded with him doing it it was a chore not a want for me and I hated the feeling of and I just hated how I felt when I letdown.  And pumping was even worse for me but I did bf for 3 months just not any bond came from it. 

I finally started feeling better after 2 weeks and dr. said all  was ok my hormones got better.  After I stopped bf and pumping though is when my hormones really went back to normal!  I never really got into the baby thing.  I stayed home with him and hated the the though of my husband going to work but it got better over time.

The first year was not fun I would compare myself to friend mommies of mine.  They bf longer and enjoyed it or atleast stuck it out they lost weight super fast bf or not they have jobs and can handle their new baby.  I was so selfish I missed my old life.  I planned this baby but we just didn't realize how hard having a newborn let alone an infant would be.  The 10 diapers a day the feedings every hour then still later on it's diaper duty for years and bottles for the rest of the 9 months and doing baby food trying to make baby food which I didn't do well. Fuck me I am not a mother what was I thinking.  We never co-slept since I was scared to squish him and my mom told me it was not a good idea and I heard of horror stories.  He did sleep in his bassinett next to us for 5 months and he loved his little carrier we did that too left it by our bed on the floor next to us.

I was just a mess comparing myself to others hating being a mother and doing everything by the book from CIO to using glass bottles to putting him in his crib at 5 months.

 

Let's fastforward to now he isalmost 3 we cosleep every night either with me or my husband so one of us can have the bed.  I still bathe with him yes naked!  I feed him veggies and by him icecream he eats when he eats no stress!!  I barely microwave his food but do when I have a hungry child or really am in a hurry.  I stopped "COMPARING" myself to other mothers esp bf perfect organic type mother friends of mine. He walked before 1 is talking now and rides his trike well knows his numbers and his alphabet and loves to count to 10!  He loves to skateboard but not on cement long story lol he is almost pottytrained we love music dancing he loves shoes and he loves colors and other kids! 

 SO why the fuck did I stress out so much?  Because I did oh well I just can't believe How much I am in love with this kid I look back at his first year photos and can't imagine the love I have now and the love I lacked back then I mean he is literally  my third leg now He is not an inconvenience at all LIke I used to feel yes I suck I get it fuck me but I am so honest now with new mommies and my friends since some gasps and some get it it's just something I am no longer ashamed of.  And yes babies are annoying to me but I always knew in my heart I would love having a 2 year old and up I just love kiddos that age and older I used to work for an autistic 8 yr old and his sister who was 10.  So judge me for all that I say about the baby stage but I am damn freakin' good mother now and I am so head over heals for this dude and he just melts me  I look back at his baby photos and kiss them and realize how precious he was and is and can't imagine I ever felt that way.

I work out daily now 10 hours a week I have my hobbies love my husband have date nights as much as we can have nights in all the time with our son which I love NOW!  Take my son everywhere with me work very part time like 2 times a month and I am back in great shape from a sz 16 to an 8 and I look great feel great and I am the best mommy to him because I love myself again and stopped comparing myself to others and stopped the madness!  Sorry so long but I have so much love right now I am an attachment parent and he is 2 and half and I just love all this I just had to share my transition thanks for reading. 

 

Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 4, 2012 at 12:51 AM
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Replies (1-10):
PrissyKrissy05
by on Mar. 4, 2012 at 12:58 AM
2 moms liked this

Not everyone loves that baby phase. Nothing wrong with that. You took care of your baby and he is a healthy, happy toddler. :-) He knows you love him and that is all that matters.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 4, 2012 at 1:00 AM

Thank You!!  I Agree :)

MommySwag88
by on Mar. 4, 2012 at 1:01 AM
1 mom liked this

I agree with PP...some people dont bond until later, doesnt make you a bad mother. 

sissyboogs
by Ruby Member on Mar. 4, 2012 at 1:03 AM
1 mom liked this

You sound like me. No bashing here. 

I had terrible PPD, I hated breastfeeding, and I'm not a fan of newborns. But, my kids are toddlers now...we survived! They are happy, healthy, and loved...that's all that really matters =)

evensmummy
by on Mar. 4, 2012 at 1:03 AM
1 mom liked this
There is nothing wrong with you. :) Babies are hard work and I don't think that we always realize what we are getting into until we have them. You obviously love him. I think out is a lot more common than you think to feel that way.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 4, 2012 at 1:04 AM
1 mom liked this

You may have had ppd after your little guy was born. Sounds like you are a great mother. Don't worry about the past, he won't remember. He'll remember you the way you are now :-)

NESmith63
by Gold Member on Mar. 4, 2012 at 1:04 AM
1 mom liked this
Good for you! What matters is that your happy and love your son! And yes I agree. A lot of people cannot stand the baby stage (and some babies in general). My MIL told me that she hates the baby stage but she is an amazing mom to her 4 boys and an awesome grandmother to my kids. (although she didn't bond with them fully until they were 2-3 yrs old)
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college.mom
by on Mar. 4, 2012 at 1:08 AM
1 mom liked this

A crying baby makes me crazy, seriously, I have a hard time dealing with that, but I love everyother moment with them...just not the screaming!

nicki1018
by on Mar. 4, 2012 at 1:12 AM
1 mom liked this
I think its a good thing you made this post. I don't think you were wrong or bad, you are a mom we don't always feel motherly. Glad he is loved and you are better.
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justgracie
by on Mar. 4, 2012 at 1:15 AM
1 mom liked this

I think more moms should have the courage to say what you did.

I am not crazy about the newborn/baby stage.  I loved my newborns but I always saw that as kind of an extended pregnancy.  Tome itwas the price you paid to get a kid.  And I love love love my kids.

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