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Should I let them go or not?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 27 Replies

This past week my kids dad and his gf were very ugly to me. He does not exercise his visitation as its stated in the divorce papers. He just got out of rehab last week. Well he called my 17 year old yesterday and asked if he and his younger brother wanted to go to the movie. My 17 year old told him he didnt know he had to ask me and see what was going on first. Well both boys are not home and with thier friends. My ex texted the 17 year old and said that he and his gf would be here at 430 to pick the boys up for the moive. He also sent that same message to me. I have not responded. Im not sure if I should let them go with them. Neither he nor his gf aplogized for the way they treated me. Both boys are with friends and wont be home till after while. Im stuck on what to do? I want to tell him no I need more notice and he should go thru me first before making plans to do something with the kids. At the same time I dont want to hurt my boys and cause them to resent me. What do you think?

Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 4, 2012 at 12:44 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Ataemommy
by on Mar. 4, 2012 at 12:47 PM

1. Your kids are old enough to decide what they'd like to do and see their father on their own time without "mommy letting them." For godssake, 17 is almost an adult. 

2. They're with friends. They don't need to drop everything and run to dad just because dad says "We are doing this now". Dad can learn to act like a grown up, respectful of his kids' time and give more notice. Suck it up.

Aydans_Mommy
by Platinum Member on Mar. 4, 2012 at 12:48 PM
I agree with this.

Quoting Ataemommy:

1. Your kids are old enough to decide what they'd like to do and see their father on their own time without "mommy letting them." For godssake, 17 is almost an adult. 

2. They're with friends. They don't need to drop everything and run to dad just because dad says "We are doing this now". Dad can learn to act like a grown up, respectful of his kids' time and give more notice. Suck it up.

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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 4, 2012 at 12:48 PM
Quoting Ataemommy:

1. Your kids are old enough to decide what they'd like to do and see their father on their own time without "mommy letting them." For godssake, 17 is almost an adult. 

2. They're with friends. They don't need to drop everything and run to dad just because dad says "We are doing this now". Dad can learn to act like a grown up, respectful of his kids' time and give more notice. Suck it up.


I agree with you about the 17 year old being old enough to decide. I also have an 8 year old he is including in the trip to the movies.

sprinkle99
by Bronze Member on Mar. 4, 2012 at 12:48 PM
I think you should let them decide.
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sissyboogs
by Ruby Member on Mar. 4, 2012 at 12:49 PM

Completely agree. 

Quoting Ataemommy:

1. Your kids are old enough to decide what they'd like to do and see their father on their own time without "mommy letting them." For godssake, 17 is almost an adult. 

2. They're with friends. They don't need to drop everything and run to dad just because dad says "We are doing this now". Dad can learn to act like a grown up, respectful of his kids' time and give more notice. Suck it up.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 4, 2012 at 12:50 PM
Quoting sissyboogs:

Completely agree. 

I agree with the 17 year old being able to decide...but I have an 8 year old also.

Quoting Ataemommy:

1. Your kids are old enough to decide what they'd like to do and see their father on their own time without "mommy letting them." For godssake, 17 is almost an adult. 

2. They're with friends. They don't need to drop everything and run to dad just because dad says "We are doing this now". Dad can learn to act like a grown up, respectful of his kids' time and give more notice. Suck it up.


singlemom1208
by on Mar. 4, 2012 at 12:53 PM
2 moms liked this
I agree and would like to add just because dad and his gf were asses to you, doesn't mean you should take away your sons time with him. Sounds a bit selfish to me

Quoting Aydans_Mommy:

I agree with this.



Quoting Ataemommy:

1. Your kids are old enough to decide what they'd like to do and see their father on their own time without "mommy letting them." For godssake, 17 is almost an adult. 

2. They're with friends. They don't need to drop everything and run to dad just because dad says "We are doing this now". Dad can learn to act like a grown up, respectful of his kids' time and give more notice. Suck it up.

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KeepJeep
by on Mar. 4, 2012 at 12:55 PM
It doesn't matter how he treats you. It's how he treats your kids that counts. Seventeen is old enough to decide on whether to see a movie with his dad.
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opal10161973
by on Mar. 4, 2012 at 12:56 PM
Is the eight year old afraid of him? I would say let the 17 year old make his own decisions, but you need to decide for the eight year old. If it's right for him and he is OK with it. Especially if there is a reason or past to be concerned about. He needs to ask you from now on. It is his job during recovery, to regain the trust of the people he has hurt when addicted. He cannot just come out and go on like everything is OK. He has work to do and that means learning how it's done, not just assuming everyone is OK with it now that he is clean.

Quoting Anonymous:

Quoting Ataemommy:

1. Your kids are old enough to decide what they'd like to do and see their father on their own time without "mommy letting them." For godssake, 17 is almost an adult. 

2. They're with friends. They don't need to drop everything and run to dad just because dad says "We are doing this now". Dad can learn to act like a grown up, respectful of his kids' time and give more notice. Suck it up.


I agree with you about the 17 year old being old enough to decide. I also have an 8 year old he is including in the trip to the movies.

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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 4, 2012 at 1:01 PM
Quoting opal10161973:

Is the eight year old afraid of him? I would say let the 17 year old make his own decisions, but you need to decide for the eight year old. If it's right for him and he is OK with it. Especially if there is a reason or past to be concerned about. He needs to ask you from now on. It is his job during recovery, to regain the trust of the people he has hurt when addicted. He cannot just come out and go on like everything is OK. He has work to do and that means learning how it's done, not just assuming everyone is OK with it now that he is clean.
I dont know what to expect from him after rehab. His own son says it wont last and he will be back to his old ways. I just said all we can do is hope he stays straight. Its up to him. I called him (he is at a friends house) and asked if he wanted to go...he said I really dont know if I do or not. I dont trust the gf after the way she talked to me....and other reasons as well. Im really confued about it all. Im trying to leave my personal views out of the decesion but it is hard. And after the way they talked to me usually I can blow things off but Im having a very hard time with this incident.

Quoting Anonymous:

Quoting Ataemommy:

1. Your kids are old enough to decide what they'd like to do and see their father on their own time without "mommy letting them." For godssake, 17 is almost an adult. 

2. They're with friends. They don't need to drop everything and run to dad just because dad says "We are doing this now". Dad can learn to act like a grown up, respectful of his kids' time and give more notice. Suck it up.


I agree with you about the 17 year old being old enough to decide. I also have an 8 year old he is including in the trip to the movies.

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