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I Have a Crush on Someone Else!

Posted by on Mar. 4, 2012 at 2:19 PM
  • 4 Replies



Question: Are you and your significant other okay with having close friends of the opposite sex?


Only if we knew them before we were together.

It's okay for him, but not for me.

It's okay for me, but not for him.

We really don't give it much thought.

No, married men and women should not have close friends of the opposite sex.

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Total Votes: 17

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Last Saturday night I went to a birthday party at a local bar with my sis-in-law and was introduced to a guy based on the fact that we are both Star Trek fans.  We ended up sitting and talking all night!  Moving from the west coast to a rural north east area, I haven't met too many people who have so much in common with me.  It felt so amazing to connect with someone new again.  I've been thinking about him a lot since we met.  But I've been around long enough to spot infactuation when I see it.  He was just a really amazing guy.

I love my husband and I would never leave him or cheat on him.  Very early in the conversation with this other guy I said that I was happily married with a kid.  My husband and I are both pretty liberal and very trusting of each other.  Some people may find it inappropiate to have friends of the opposite sex, but we're very open with each other and would never do anything that would make the other uncomfortable.

My husband and I were certainly best friends before we pursued a romantic relationship.  We could call each other and talk for hours about total randomness.  But now that we are a couple, I feel like I have a void in my life where this awesome friendship was.  I would love it if this new guy took on that role in my life.  And I was pretty forward when we met.  I came out and told him that I enjoyed talking with him and really wanted to get together again.  He added me to FB, but told me that we literaly works 7 days a week and three different jobs and has too little time to make plans right now.  So now I'm thinking like a pathetic school girl that I said or did something wrong, should I call him, should a send a FB message, should I 'accidently" run into him in town?

How does an adult married woman pursue a strictly platonic relationship with another guy?   

by on Mar. 4, 2012 at 2:19 PM
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by Murdoc's Mistress on Mar. 4, 2012 at 2:25 PM
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I think it's entirely possible and as long as boundaries are set, there is nothing wrong with it.  The big thing is making sure you are both on the same page about the friendship.  Just friends, nothing more.  Maybe find out, after getting to know him a tad better, if he would be interested in coming over for a visit to meet your fam.  Set up a Star Trek marathon or something, since he is a fellow Trekkie.  This way, if your husband has any reservations about things, he can see it is a friendship based off mutual interests.

I know a lot of couples balk at their SO having friends of the opposite gender.  I think it screams insecurity unless this is something they discuss in depth and agree on mutually before becoming serious.  How often do we hear about women having to drop male friends they've had for decades because their husbands/boyfriends "felt disrespected"?  Stupid, insecure and beyond immature, IMO.

Enjoy the friendship.  It is entirely possible.

by on Mar. 4, 2012 at 8:42 PM


by Gold Member on Mar. 4, 2012 at 8:46 PM

If you can't trust yourself, don't be with someone and/or don't put yourself into a situation where you will be with someone else of the opposite sex. If you can't trust your partner, don't have one. Simple as that. Friendships outside of the relationship are needed sometimes... same sex or opposite sex. We see no harm in it and we are both very trusting of the other and we have no reason to doubt that trust. That's how every relationship should be, based on trust and love.
by Arika on Mar. 4, 2012 at 8:51 PM
I have a few close female friends but I have lots of male friends. My hubby doesn't mind. He knows I'm faithful so its not a big deal.

He has like 3 close chick friends and I'm ok with it. He doesn't hang out with them alone and he tells me when they talk and what they talk about.
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