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Really need some advice!

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 11 Replies

My husband and I have been married since June 2009. Shortly after we married he cheated with his friend's sister. I left but after he begged me to come back I did. I went through hell she wouldn't leave us alone. I had to change our number. Finally she was out of our lives. Fast forward to now we have an almost 17 month old daughter and my daughter from a previous relationship and everything has been great in our marriage. He lost his job last July and so his friend (the one who's sister my husband cheated with) offered him a job at his trucking company. Obviously the first thing that came to mind was her but my husband assured me that working for him had nothing to do with her and the money would be good. The first trip went fine, but the second trip he went with his friend's dad. Also her dad. He doesn't have his license, but he was going as a helper. So my husband went to pick him up where he lives. He went inside and hey guess what? She lives there too. Their house burnt down and so they all moved into my husband's friends house. My husband will be going there often to pick him up for deliveries or to get the truck etc... That makes me extremely uncomfortable for obvious reasons. When my husband told me he saw her I flipped out and we got into a huge fight. He says he wants nothing to do with her and that he would never do that to me again. How can I deal with him seeing her on a regular basis? We've struggled over the past year, but I never wanted him to see that bitch again. He says I'm overreacting, but I really need some advice. What should I do?

Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 4, 2012 at 11:32 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Ataemommy
by on Mar. 4, 2012 at 11:34 PM
2 moms liked this
The only way you stay together after an affair is zero contact with the affair partner. This has been established. Your husband is going to have to come up with an alternative plan.
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Elyce225
by Emerald Member on Mar. 4, 2012 at 11:35 PM

Obviously you don't trust him.  Why take him back if you don't trust him?

DevinAnnesmom
by Sarah on Mar. 4, 2012 at 11:38 PM

I don't think you're overreacting, it's normal to feel that way. He cheated and now he's going to have to deal with the fallout and you deserve as much time as you need to get over it. Him seeing her certainly isn't going to help you get over it. The only thing I know to tell you is what I figured out a long time ago when I found out that my husband was having an emotional affair. I just have to trust him. If he says he won't cheat, then believe that he won't. If he does, he's obviously not in love with you and doesn't deserve your love. It's not worth fighting over. Trust me. Once I got to that place, our marriage has been much less stressful.

ROBIN-C
by on Mar. 4, 2012 at 11:39 PM

 i understand that he broke your trust before but if you dont have trust now what do you really have?

sure he should be looking for a different job, but in the mean time i am gonna guess yall need money to live!

at least he was honest with you about seeing her and her living there!

also when is gonna hook up with her? while her dad hangs out in the living room?

 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 4, 2012 at 11:45 PM

Just to clarify it's not that I think he's going to sleep with her again it just makes me very uncomfortable that he is going to be seeing her on a regular basis. It took a long time to get her to leave us alone. And I really don't want that to start all over again.

Harleigh87
by on Mar. 4, 2012 at 11:48 PM
1 mom liked this

i would say no. that it's either you or doing that stupid job. you have every right to feel that way. 

PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN!!!

he's the one who did you wrong way back when, so if "she" is in the pic again you have every right to say NO! 

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Harleigh
Single Moms who VENT 







mom2cheesebug
by on Mar. 4, 2012 at 11:49 PM
1 mom liked this

Why does he have to see her? Why can't he just sit in the truck until his buddy comes out? he can call him and tell him when he is five minutes away so that he can meet him outside.

BrookieCookie1
by Bronze Member on Mar. 5, 2012 at 12:00 AM
1 mom liked this

 

Quoting Ataemommy:

The only way you stay together after an affair is zero contact with the affair partner. This has been established. Your husband is going to have to come up with an alternative plan.

 I agree with this.

Also, if this chick was a real clinger, then she may also be the type to interpret every little thing as something it isn't (i.e. his being there to work being there to see her). SO what if money's tight? There's no amount of it whatsoever that's going to make a situation like this (in the worst case) feel better, and I bet doing without this or that feels exponentially less harsh then having to worry about this mess. Tell him to get out  of the job now. WHile he can, before too much time/effort is invested and/or bad shit happens...

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 5, 2012 at 12:03 AM

First of all, she's not a "bitch".  That is a female dog and being a dog breeder, it's the male that doesn't leave the female alone.  You have to have trust and without trust do don't have a relationship worth saving.

michelle1995
by on Mar. 5, 2012 at 10:17 AM
1 mom liked this

I can understand.  My husband has cheated and I'll never trust him like I did.  I stayed with him because I wanted to be with him, but that was his one chance.  He knows that I do not want him communicating with the woman again.  If I found out he was, I'd probably leave.  I think its asking alot to ask you to understand.  If he was capable of cheating with her once, whats to say he won't again.  He may not intend to, but sometimes things happen we don't plan.

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