Why should I be nice?

[Anonymous]

I've been in a fifteen year marriage and my husband is mentally/emotionally abusive, always has been. In fact he's been physically and sexually abusive in the past as well. He threatened to kill me early in our marriage and I've feared for my life ever since. He's threatened that if I left him and tried to get custody he'd make sure neither of us got the kids. I could give you a million instances of abuse but let's just say its a typically mentally abusive relationship. For example he blames me for everything even his own mistakes, he doesn't care when our kids need haircuts or new clothes he spends his money on weed, he calls me and my kids names almost daily, he tells my kids I don't love them because I don't have a job. He controls every little thing i do, where i go and when, im not allowed to have friends, he doesnt let me see my family when i want. That's just a quick background.

My question is...he expects me to care about his feelings, he expects sex, he expects me to make his lunches every night, he expects me to kiss his ass. I do make his lunches and I only have sex about once a week cuz he's ugly to me inside. He's a mean, vicious person and has been for fifteen years. after that amount of time I know he's not going to change. He's always saying I don't do enough for him but in my opinion he doesn't deserve it.

Am I right or wrong? Do I owe him favors and sex because we're married and he pays the bills? When Ive worked in the past he'd take my money and buy weed and leave me with almost no money so I'm not going to work. I do plan on getting a job soon and leaving soon after that. I just want to know if I'm wrong or right.

[gemikris82]

i would leave him.  i was engaged, and my x abused me sexually/physically.  its hard, but you shouldnt be treated like that.  you dont owe him a thing.  good luck

[sweetcherry_59]

Fuck him. You don't owe him a thing! I would pack my shit while he was at work and run. He would never find me or my kids. Do you have anywhere you can go?

[Anonymous]

I feel for your kids...

[Stephd710]

You dont owe him anything except for a swift kick in the ass on his way out the damn door!!  

[zianneaaliyah]

WTF?  You don't even owe him your hand in marriage. 

[lusyl95]

Hun.. please consider divorcing that douche of a husband!

[Anonymous]

Quoting Anonymous:

I feel for your kids...

this

[Anonymous]

Girl, I have been living in your shoes for the last 8 years... I know how you are feeling, and you need to get help... Fight hard for your children and yourself... He CANT get custody if you fight for it! Unless he proves you unfit, then he's in a losing battle with you! He is telling you this just to brainwash you to stay!!! TRUST ME I KNOW!! Do what's right for you and your babies... walk out that door and don't come back, if he threatens you, get a restraining order. Go stay in a safe house... do something, don't put yourself or your children through it any longer!!!

[bullemhead]

Find the nearest  battered women's shelter and get the Hell out of there. You can also get a 52B (restraining order) to keep him away from you and the kids. You can have him served and removed from the home which would allow you and the kids to return for your things. GET AWAY FROM HIM! I fear we will read about you and your children in the newspaper soon! He sounds very dangerous!!

[Anonymous - Original Poster]

Quoting Anonymous:

I feel for your kids...

Me too theyre the reason I'm finally making a decision. I wish I wouldn't have allowed him to scare me because obviously my kids suffered more. Trust me I feel guilty every day and I owe them and myself a happy life! Thank you all I appreciate your help;) truly