turning to God because I can't trust anyone down here
I can't believe I just said that.
When I was twelve I accepted Jesus Christ. I felt it within every inch of my soul. it was so real.
I started hating God. I lost faith in everything. Myself, humanity.
I messed around with witch craft with some friends and at some points was absolutely convinced we had not known what we were doing and ended up getting ourselves avenged by the spirits threefold. Again, long story and a few examples. I most certainly believe in a higher power, and I know now not to meddle with things I cannot handle. I will never use magick against anyone never mind think about it again..
by 17 I had completely destroyed my faith. I was lost. I remember t he moment the place the time I sat down and realized for the first time that I was lost and I felt truly alone and unwanted.
all this time I denied God. I felt lost. I'm by no means a bible thumber. I try to handle my emotions by being organized materialistically. I try to handle my spirituality with things like 'fate' and my beliefs with philosophy.
I've been afraid to admit it for a long, long time, but I think it's time to turn around and let Him carry me. I'm sick of feeling like I'm being stalked by spirits. I literally need His protection. Protection from myself and protection against others - psychic vampires and wolves in sheeps clothing. I need his help and I feel like I'll slip away without his strength. I'm sick of beng so strong when it's becoming so obvious; I was such a good liar. Now, I live in a space in which the cleanliness reflectsmy state of mind, and a referral to mental health. I bet I'll shut down or lie some more and make everyone think I got it all under control.There's always someone who has a worse story than me, and I have no reason to complain.
I don't need your meds i don't need your therapy. I need faith because I'm falling apart without it and I attract people who kick me when I'm down, and I"m pretty sure I'm not an attention whore - or am I? No fucking clue.