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I don't like my 18 year old:(

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

I want to...she was always the BEST kid, happy, sweet, funny...she started being a bit "goth" in her teens, she went through what appeared to be an extended awkward stage, but I didn't care...she was still the wonderful daughter I knew, if she wanted to wear black baggie clothes and explore with her style and personality a bit, I felt it was okay. Then she turned 17, now she's not quite so "goth" just sloppy, won't brush her hair, or clean her room- okay I think, she's testing I get it. I felt her pulling away and I did all the wrong things. I first tried getting her to talk to me, when she wouldn't I yelled, I snooped, I did anything I could to find out what was going on in her life. I suspect she's somewhat promiscuous but to what extent I can't tell. I love her, and I have not idea what is happening with her, and nothing I say will get her to open that damn mouth of her and let the truth out. That's the other thing, she lies, almost constantly, about everything no matter how big or small, and she's not good at it, so you know she's lying, but when you call her on it, she just sticks to her lie, no matter how ridiculous or obviously untruthful it may be...whY???

Finally, she won't take regular showers, brush her teeth or wear decent clothes! I try to tell her gently "Honey, please, take a long shower and do your hair" but she won't, her hair is tangled, her teeth are unbrushed, she just flops out of bed, six minutes before she has to leave and throws herself together- she generally looks sloppy, and a bit dirty, she won't even shave her legs on a regular basis! This isn't my daughter- I'm crying now, I can't stand to talk about it, she's not the girl I raised, the girl I knew, she's a  completely different person, and I don't like her, and I feel like the worst mom in the world, I don't know where it all went so wrong, I can sense she's on the wrong path but I can't define it or quite put my finger on it, she's never going to be honest with me, her personality is abrasive and if not abrasive simply annoying because you know almost every word out of her mouth is a lie. I did find out she's not using drugs which is what i feared, she got drug tested at work and there were no problems.

She's 18, she thinks she knows everything, nothing I say is even briefly considered by her...I dread seeing her now, because I know either I have to ignore all of the problems or fight with her, I cry every day for her, my other children just resent her because she ignores them or causes upset in the house. Can anyone help?? ANyone ever go through this? Is this just normal 18 year old stuff???

Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 19, 2012 at 9:46 AM
Replies (141-150):
by on Mar. 19, 2012 at 6:41 PM

my sister was the definition of a bad teen lied , did drugs, slept around an she was the same way , didnt care just rolled out of bed an went

lay down the law tell her if she is going to act this way she needs to get out, its hard love but it sounds like she need to hit bottom 

by on Mar. 19, 2012 at 6:57 PM

It sounds like she struggles with depression.  I would seek out a therapist or a psychiatrist for help.

by Gold Member on Mar. 19, 2012 at 7:04 PM

 Are you also the mom of my dd? Mine was so much like this. She's 21 now. She looked sp grungy. Her room was alsp nasy. It looked like those tv shows where they would come in and redo everything. She wasn't outwardly doing anything. I kept looking for something to explain everything. She was so nasty but had a boyfriend here and there. I used to wonder how any boy could stand her. Then when she turned 19 she ran away just after i paid her college tuition for her third semester. I got a txt 2 days later saying mom I'm fine, don't worry, i got married.

by on Mar. 19, 2012 at 7:08 PM

 this sounds like something my mom and brother went threw. she will grow out of it.
my brother just turned 25 and hes finally doing great a job a wonderful girl friend a child and a place of his own. he handles money much better (and he was into HEAVY drugs) Don't give up yet it will pass. It's just takes time. she may have to hit rock bottem to find her way back. but when she does All you can do is BE THERE for her/ amd she will come to you. she does love you and care shes just not showing you the way you want her right now. Just do not DISOWN her.... . I really hope for the best luck for you and her.

You're Beautiful, Inside And Out <3

by on Mar. 19, 2012 at 7:14 PM
2 moms liked this

 She doesn't sound depressed .. In my thoughts, she sounds Lost, Shes looking for something to be hers she searching out her friends trying to see whos a true friend and whos not) and personality she is trying to be her own person an individual, It sounds like she is trying to show that she can do things by her self with no help... I don't think she needs to go to the doctors at all I think she just needs her mom there for when she falls.

You're Beautiful, Inside And Out <3

by on Mar. 19, 2012 at 7:14 PM

I agree with this. Tell her you love her no matter what, but if she doesn't abide by the rules of your house, she has to move out. I would add that one of the rules is to see a therapist. Giver her a deadline and move all of her stuff out to the curb if she isn't out by that date. I'd give her a couple of months espeically if she doesn't have a job.

Quoting helema24:

seince shes 18 shes an adult and if she wants to do what ever she wants you can tell her she has 3 options, move out and get her own place, pay rent and buy her own food n clothing, or follow your rules.

by on Mar. 19, 2012 at 7:15 PM

There is a limit on stuff I personally think something happened to her. Either that or she has lost all motivation, it happens I did at that age.

by Anonymous 27 on Mar. 19, 2012 at 7:17 PM
1 mom liked this

I was a mother's worst nightmare when I was a teen. I was raised in a very religious home and my mom would find me smoking in my bedroom or doing lines of coke. I was promiscuous and lied and yelled at my mother everytime she came near me. (I suffered a lot of abuse at the hands of my father so it's no doubt I was depressed) I stayed out all night for weeks sometimes, never seeing my parents, never telling them where I went. I usually slept through my school days or when I went to school I would leave at lunch and not go back. My parents didn't know what to do with me and quite frankly just gave up. One day I came back with a huge skull and wings tattoo across my back. Finally when I was 17 I ran off with a 23 year old and was determined to make it on my own and prove everyone wrong.

6 years later I am still with that guy, I went to school to become a preschool teacher, and am pregnant with my first, planned child. We live in a cute little house and I take care of everyone who comes my way.

Sometimes a swift kick in the pants is all a child needs. See how the world is when you have to provide for yourself. Worked for me.

by on Mar. 19, 2012 at 7:50 PM

Is she already preg? I went through this as a teen, but I was on drugs and I did get preg, and I was very depressed. The good news is that now I'm 26 with two kids, and a husband, in my own house and get along with my family. My mom and dad kicked me out of the house and kept my son. It took me two years but I grew up, got help, and became a good person. THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE. I'm sorry your going threw this, I hope you can figure it out and help her. Good luck.

by Anonymous 28 on Mar. 19, 2012 at 8:41 PM

 She sounds depressed.

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