Things I would never, ever admit to my SO...
- 136 Replies
- I want to be with him forever, and I want to marry him. But whenever he brings up the topic, I distract him, because...
- I don't want kids. Period. He has one, and I cannot handle it.
- I play the perfect step mom, I am a dream come true in that department. What I could never tell him, his family, or anyone is that when I'm in that role, smiling, laughing, playing, caring, doting, I'm dying inside.
- I only care for his child out of fear for him/her. If I weren't there, what would happen to him/her? He/she would be completely ignored, none of his/her needs would be met. None. The thought of having a child grow up ignored breaks my heart, so I take over. I research positive parenting, ensure all his/her needs are met, show him/her love, tend to his/her wounds, dry his/her tears, engage his/her mind, challenge him/her, rev up his/her imagination, dance in public with him/her, teach him/her things, read to him/her, etc. But I get zero pleasure or happiness from it.
- His worst fear is true, he is a bad dad. Or rather, not a dad at all. Giving a child a tickle once in a while while ignoring him/her the rest of the time does not make you a dad.
- His brother is a huge, ungrateful, horrible human being.
- His ex wife is equally as horrible.
- One of the things he loves the most about me is how I'm a rock, I support him in his position as President and CEO of a large company, and do not get upset or offended with him for having to work 20 hour days. I'm so understanding and attentive, instead of screaming when he gets home, I just have dinner ready to go, and serve him with a smile. The truth is, sometimes I feel so lonely, unimportant, and invisible, when he IS around, I "do chores" in another part of the house so I can cry unnoticed.
- I use Pilates class solely as an excuse to get out of the house, and have some "me" time. I hate Pilates.
- He thinks my hair is my most beautiful physical feature, particularly for the color. I've been dying it since before I met him, he has no idea.
Is there anything you would never admit?
I think there is only so long you can put this up before you completely lose yourself.
I wish you the best of luck in trying to figure it all out.
And I tell my dh everything, maybe not the tmi stuff, lol. Oh, and there are a few things I told him that he doesn't remember, but he has a traumatic brain injury from his 1st deployment, so his memory is shot. :-/
Quoting shimmifairy:I'm not bashing you, please don't think that....But I have to wonder why you are with him and if you really love him after reading your list....I'm so sorry to see you in so mkuch pain and turmoil :(
I can understand not liking the step mom thing; I did it once myself and learned that though I love being a mother to my own children, I am not cut out to raise someone elses.. So, kudos to you for stepping up and making such an effort...It seems to me that though you may not realize it, you care for this child more than you know....However, you can't stay with someone just because you areconcerned their child won't have the life that you feel they should....If it's making you that miserable and you don't want any of your own, this is a huge issue....
If you're doing things that you hate to get alone time and doing things in another part of the house so you can cry privately, there's something seriously wrong...If you feel lonely an ignored there's something wrong...
What I read in this post is a desperately unhappy woman who is with an emotionally unavailable man....it sounds as though you are trying to live up to someone elses expectations of what a good life is....but that those expectations aren't your own....Sure, you get lots of praise for being the one who is taking care of so much, being always cheerful and fullfilling everyone elses wants and needs....But what are your wants? What are your needs? It's very possible with such a long list of such big issues, that you're in the wrong place and with the wrong person...Maybe instead of going with the flow and having your heart die you should take a long look at what you want your life to be....If you don't see that ever happening with this man, with this family, you need to leave and find the life that does fulfill you....
Wow. My first question to you is... why are you doing this to yourself? Do you really think that a relationship like this is all you deserve? There is much, much better out there waiting for you. You are not married to him. You have no children with him... what are you waiting for? Carpe Diem, lady! Your life is waiting!
I'm not sure of your situation or where you live, but in Texas you can tell them you can't afford it, and file for free. I did with my divorce, I had lost my job. They didn't need proof or anything though, I just filled out a form.
Quoting Anonymous:
That if I could afford to get a divorce, I would, in a heart beat.
My DH will never know that it makes me totally jealous that his family lives here and mine is 1000 miles away. His family tries very hard to make me feel like " part of the family" and they do a fantastic job but they arent my family and it makes me so sad. He thinks it makes me feel great and i will never tell him otherwise because they are so fantastic, It would make him sad
Wow you should totally move on.
How can you love him so much when you "die inside" just being around his kid, can't tell him that you are dyeing your hair, and hate his family? OH-- and he's a bad father?
Seriously!!?!??!?!
I was guessing you were going to say you had stashed a little money away, or found his hobbies silly, or still had a love note from an ex-boyfriend you saved because it made you feel desirable.
But honey-- those things in your OP were just...wow...get out, get out now. It only gets harder when you get married, I promise you. If you can't tolerate that stuff now, you will feel absolutely trapped if you get married.
Quoting tm88rn:No, I tell my husband everything. I have seen, often, what happens when couples don't communicate.
At what age should I tell my son dh is not his bio dad?