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Would You Let Your Kids Spend Time With Your Ex and His Same Sex Partner?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

Six months ago,my friend's husband came out as gay. He told her that he loved her,but he wasn't in love with her,that it was nothing to do with her,he simply wasn't attracted to women. As you can imagine, my friend was completely devestated. They have two children little girls together, 4 and 6, and at first,she tried very hard to keep things as normal as possible for the girls, splitting custody, not badmouthing their father in front of them and tried very hard to still be friendly with her ex and not fight with him in front of the girls. Everything was going as well as can be expected until a few weeks ago when her ex told her that his boyfriend,who he'd been seeing while they were still married, would be moving in with him. At this my friend went balistic, for lack of a better word, and since then, she has refused to let him see or have any contact at all with the girls. She says that she is planning to sue for full custody and ask the court to deny him visitation rights. I think that this was just the straw that broke the camel's back and she just couldn't take anymore, because this is nothing like the woman that I've known for years. She has gay friends and is very supportive of gay marriage. This is extremely out of character for her. I have tried talking to her and telling her that the girls deserve to have both parents in their lives because in spite of any mistakes that her ex may have made during their marriage and their divorce, he truely loves his daughters and has always been very involved in their lives and I know from talking to mutal friends that he misses them very much.

My question is,how would you all react in her situation? Would you let your ex see your kids?

Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 21, 2012 at 2:19 AM
Replies (211-220):
by on Mar. 22, 2012 at 9:33 AM
1 mom liked this

As long as the partner treats my children with love and respect I would not have a problem with it.  Everyone deserves to be happy in life and if being in a homosexual relationship does that, then more power to them.

by Anonymous 19 on Mar. 22, 2012 at 9:36 AM

Quoting Ataemommy:

WTF!? Your friend is being psychotic, and she won't win her case. She will look like a vengeful mother, and it will fuck her in the ass. Tell her to rethink her ideas, because they're moronic and she will look asinine, stupid and vengeful -- exactly the type of mother we should keep kids away from.

She's just hurt right now, can't you see that?? She probably feels betrayed, I'm sure that she will probably adjust accordingly once she has time to take in the full magnitude of what is going on. I think it is childish of you to call names.Shame on you!

by on Mar. 22, 2012 at 9:37 AM
Quoting doodasmomma:

I won't lie, I might do that initial freakout. But once calm and listening to reason, of course I would let him see them. Has she had a decent amount of time to take it all in?

i agree hubby knew his ex was bi before they got married. When they got divorced he told her he didnt care if she was around her gay friends when SD is over but he didnt want her to make out infront of SD. I can see why shes pissed it may not be that hes gay as much as it is that he cheated. Take my daughter for instance my ex is signing over his rights but when I was pregnant with her my ex got another girl pregnant too. She knew about me but niether of them cared what they were doing to me or to my daughter. They had no respect for either of us. Now thats one of meant reasons I refuse to let her be alone with him and her for a long period of time. Their daughter comes over for a wk during the summer but my dd will never go there. I want to put her in the situation where she at 9 has to deal with being disrespected because I know he'll do it again. Now if he had said to me I know we r having a baby but I cant be with u. Then I found out she got pregnant after we broke up id (there is more to my situation with him) id be a little more ok with her spending long periods of time with him. I hope ur friend gets over this and those girls get to see their dad but homestly judges dont like cheaters gay or straight so she might get full custody but he will probably at least get visitation!
by on Mar. 22, 2012 at 9:53 AM

Yes, I would. The courts are not going to favor her doing this. People date and move on after a relationship and a judge honoring her request would be discriminating. 

by Gold Member on Mar. 22, 2012 at 9:55 AM

If she is supportive of gay rights, then she has no right to deny him that on any grounds. I could maybe see if she was against it, arguing that she believes the lifestyle is a sin, and she doesn't want her daughters living around something that she believes is inappropriate, but even then I could just see her saying they couldn't spend the night, etc, not completely denying him his rights to his daughters. When my dad left my mom for another woman, she said that it was against how she was raising us for him to be living with someone outside of marriage, and we were allowed to go to his house, but we couldn't spend the night.

by on Mar. 22, 2012 at 9:56 AM

 If I were in her situation, yes I would let my ex see the kids. But there would be some explaining to do to the children about their daddy. They would need to understand what homosexual means because what happens if they see their father holding his bf's hand or kissing him? I understand the children are only four and six but it's easy to explain what gay/lesbian means to them. My brother asked what a lesbian was at four years old and since my dad couldn't tell him i just simply told him that it's when a girl loves another girl. That seemed to be good enough for him and never asked again.

As far as your friend goes, I think she is just in shock that her husband is gay. Honestly I'd probably be the same way simply because she was with him for so long and they had two kids together. She needs to just have a getaway with the kids and relax and then come to her senses. Maybe it'll help and she won't be as upset. I know that it'll still hurt her to see her almost ex husband, but it'll get easier for her when she learns to move on.

by on Mar. 22, 2012 at 9:58 AM

 Honestly I think this is bulls***!!! I don't blame her for being upset and betrayed... He needed to give her more time to adjust this... she is upset and need time to cool down. What I think is bulls*** is her not letting the kids see there dad.. This should be kept between the parents.. she is going to be hurting the kids in the long run. Like I said I don't blame her for being upset but she needs to think about the kids not herself.

by on Mar. 22, 2012 at 9:59 AM
I would be shocked if my dh came out gay. I would be upset that they were moving in so quickly and that he was introducing the kids to someone so fast, but it would have nothing to do with him being gay. Yes I would let him see the kids he hasn't shown to be an unfit father in this case
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by on Mar. 22, 2012 at 10:00 AM

Yes.  He is their father.  She should expect to lose primary custody for acting like an asshole.

by Anonymous 20 on Mar. 22, 2012 at 10:25 AM

Of course he could.  Sounds like she's just mad that he's moving on and with someone that he cheater on her with. 


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