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I regret having children :( EDIT/UPDATE ***2nd Update*** NEW UPDATE ***

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
I always wanted to be a mom and thought that I would love it.

My kids are 7 and 3, both planned, and motherhood is nothing like I'd imagined. I keep waiting for it to get better, but it never does.

I find it nothing but stressful, exhausting and emotionally draining. I love my children, but I hate being a mom.

***EDIT***

I see I've got a lot of catching up to do, but I've read every single comment so far, up to page 45.

For those who have offered encouragement, sympathy, or even constructive criticism, thank you. I do have a long history of depression and have a doctor appointment next Thursday to evaluate the issue.

To those who commented only to bash, call me names, and kick me when I'm down, well fuck off. That's CM for you, I guess.

And, just to clear things up, I do not "hate" my children. I neither neglect nor abuse them and I'm not distant and apathetic toward them, either. By regret, I simply meant that if I had the opportunity to live my life again, I probably would have opted not to have children, knowing the toll it would take on every aspect of my life.

That's neither here nor there. I DO have children and I love and care for them and and am invested in their happiness and their future. However, I am not happy at all with my life and THAT'S what I'm trying to figure out: how to be happy with the road I've chosen.

Those that can relate or are empathetic will understand. Those that think I'm horrible can just go ahead and think that.

I'll catch up on comments later tonight. My kids and I always make pizza and watch a movie together on Friday evenings 'cause I'm such a shitty mom and all.

****EDIT #2****

I've caught up on the latest replies.

Eh....killing myself isn't an option and neither is giving my children up for adoption. I don't WANT my children to go away. I love them and like being there for them. I REGRET THE TOLL MOTHERHOOD HAS TAKEN ON MY LIFE AND, MOSTLY, MY MENTAL HEALTH. I'm sorry if that's impossible for some of you to comprehend.

I'm tired of hearing all the rants about how infertile women would be happy to have children and maybe I should give my kids to them. I mean, are *you* mentally unstable? How is that even realistic advice? It's not my fault that some women can't have kids.

Another point, my kids are not UNWANTED. If I didnt want to stick it out and figure out my problems and be the best mother I can be, I could have easily walked out and let their dad have custody. I'm not going to do that. I WANT to be happy being a mom. And I'm working on it.

A continued thanks for those who've asked questions, offered encouragement, and told me your stories. I'm glad I'm not alone and, honestly, I'm tired of mothers feeling like they can never say anything negative about parenthood.

ANOTHER UPDATE:

So, I went to the doctor last week and spoke at length about both my mental and physical stresses.

I had a complete physical and was found to be anemic and have a vitamin B12 deficiency.

I'm on supplements and was also prescribed Wellbutrin and a sleep aid. I'm hesitant to take the sleep aid, because I'm afraid that I'll sleep through my kids calling for me if they need me.

The supplements have so far made me feel a bit better; nothing from the Wellburtin yet, but I know that takes time.

I've also started a new hobby with my 7yo and am starting classes this week to finish my degree, so at least I can say things are looking up. Thanks for everyone's support.
Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 21, 2012 at 3:54 PM
Replies (131-140):
AdellesMom
by on Mar. 21, 2012 at 6:09 PM
The only bitch I see is you and two other people in this thread! :)
Quoting Anonymous:

You don't love your children if you regret having them.



BITCH. I hope something happens and you lose them forever. They deserve a REAL MOTHER.
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mom2bell
by on Mar. 21, 2012 at 6:11 PM
1 mom liked this

you bore me.  good-bye!

Quoting AdellesMom:

You used more Logical Fallacies!

You have proved my point. "Go take my meds?" Seriously?

Where did I diagnose her? Nowhere! I said it SOUNDS like she has depression. But, the OP has admitted that she has been treated for depression on and off since she was a teenager.

You're a dumb ignorant bitch. If I were you, I'd grab a dictionary and look up the definitions of compassion, empathy, and sympathy. Then, I'd apply them to my life.

At least you didn't use the anon button.


Quoting mom2bell:

I realize completely what I am implying and saying. I am sorry Mrs. Fucking MDD, you cannot diagnoise someone based on a post...you are an ass for thinking otherwise. Your ignorance and need to appear superior is making you look like a fool!! Go take your meds!!



Quoting AdellesMom:

Deflect much?





You know you're wrong when you start deflecting and when you start using logical fallacies.





You're the one being a bitch. Not me. You're a pompous butch not because you disagree with me, but because you're clueless and you think you know what you're talking about.





You compared the OP to people that have killed their children without realizing what you were implying and what you were saying. It's also pretty evident to me that you don't realize the psychosis someone like an Andrea Yates suffered from.





Continue to spew your BS. You're the one that looks like a fool. Not me.






Quoting mom2bell:

Like a what?



You don't know this woman. You stated she's a bit depressed...that is your opinion. I am sorry my does not match yours. And because I do not agree I am pomous? Really? Get over your stuck up know it all attitude!








Quoting AdellesMom:

You've added nothing but BS to this thread. Besides, there's no reason for me to "get over myself." I'm not the one acting like a pompous bish.









Quoting mom2bell:

After you! I have a right to my opinion, just as you do!
Quoting AdellesMom:

What the hell is your problem? As a person that has MDD, I can tell you that talking to complete strangers can/has help(ed).



Get over yourself.


Quoting mom2bell:

I am sure she thinks she did that here on CM.  Puhleeeeeeeeeeeeeese!

Quoting AdellesMom:

No.





Many of them are mentally ill, and NEVER admit that they have a problem, or that they feel the way they do. Many of them are undiagnosed.





The OP has admitted to her feelings. Now, she needs to seek the proper help.






Quoting mom2bell:

yeah and some of those fucking women chase their kids around the house and drown them one at a time, or stick them in the trunk of their car with duct tape over their mouths.  it is cause for concern, and the media has shown us enough that these people are in fact assholes.

Quoting AdellesMom:

How?







If anything, she's a bit depressed. There are a lot of women that feel the way she does.




















Quoting Paperfishies:

You're an asshole.




mom2bell
by on Mar. 21, 2012 at 6:12 PM

Oh well, she thought she would like them better once they were older and found out she didn't.  

Quoting TiffanyWells00:

My question is if raising children sucks so bad...then why keep having children?

Quoting mom2bell:

I realize completely what I am implying and saying. I am sorry Mrs. Fucking MDD, you cannot diagnoise someone based on a post...you are an ass for thinking otherwise. Your ignorance and need to appear superior is making you look like a fool!! Go take your meds!!

Quoting AdellesMom:

Deflect much?



You know you're wrong when you start deflecting and when you start using logical fallacies.



You're the one being a bitch. Not me. You're a pompous butch not because you disagree with me, but because you're clueless and you think you know what you're talking about.



You compared the OP to people that have killed their children without realizing what you were implying and what you were saying. It's also pretty evident to me that you don't realize the psychosis someone like an Andrea Yates suffered from.



Continue to spew your BS. You're the one that looks like a fool. Not me.




Quoting mom2bell:

Like a what?


You don't know this woman. You stated she's a bit depressed...that is your opinion. I am sorry my does not match yours. And because I do not agree I am pomous? Really? Get over your stuck up know it all attitude!






Quoting AdellesMom:

You've added nothing but BS to this thread. Besides, there's no reason for me to "get over myself." I'm not the one acting like a pompous bish.







Quoting mom2bell:

After you! I have a right to my opinion, just as you do!
Quoting AdellesMom:

What the hell is your problem? As a person that has MDD, I can tell you that talking to complete strangers can/has help(ed).



Get over yourself.


Quoting mom2bell:

I am sure she thinks she did that here on CM.  Puhleeeeeeeeeeeeeese!

Quoting AdellesMom:

No.





Many of them are mentally ill, and NEVER admit that they have a problem, or that they feel the way they do. Many of them are undiagnosed.





The OP has admitted to her feelings. Now, she needs to seek the proper help.






Quoting mom2bell:

yeah and some of those fucking women chase their kids around the house and drown them one at a time, or stick them in the trunk of their car with duct tape over their mouths.  it is cause for concern, and the media has shown us enough that these people are in fact assholes.

Quoting AdellesMom:

How?







If anything, she's a bit depressed. There are a lot of women that feel the way she does.


















Quoting Paperfishies:

You're an asshole.





Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 21, 2012 at 6:13 PM
Thanks for understanding and the suggestions.

Quoting SuperWaned:

You are prolly depressed and super stressed.  You should go to a DR and if you dont like it try a different one. My husband tried several before finding the one that hit the nail. You must do this hun because depresion can affect your children and your own health. 


If you have some friends  try to find a sitter and have a girls night out,  just eating somewhere or even without friends hire a sitter and go window shopping, or to a relaxing place. take some ME time! Some of the advices the DR gave my husband was to work out  10 minutes a day,  to cut down caffein ( thats the hadest one ) to take a multivitamin, and  find a hobby he likes and take an hour for it (not on the pc, so he plays with legos LOL and it makes him happy) , even if that means staying awake a lil longer. Also to  try have a rutine and try to fix things around the house hold.  Of course that alone maybe wont make it but it might help you feel a bit more in control.  I started doing all this with him and I feel a lot better as well. 

 I felt that way when I had PPD. I looked at my baby and I ddnt feel love. I felt pity. I was like :" This poor baby who I cannot love is gonna be so unhappy. poor thing" and that made me feel awful. Eventually  I got better and my Baby is 11 now and I adore her :D

I dont know what elses is happening in your life but I am positive  theres more to the story.

and dont let the judgemental all perfect moms put you down. Some people can only find satisfaction by bashing others. 


Quoting Anonymous:

I'm not sure, actually. I've had a history with depression and have been medicated on and off since I was 17. I stopped taking meds shortly before getting pregnant with my oldest because I was doing really well and managing without them.



But after the birth I crashed. I had PPD, I was overwhelmed, and my relationship was falling apart. That was 7 years ago and I can't pull myself out of this. I can't help but think that if I didn't have children, my life would be much happier. :(



Quoting MyDarkAngel:

Do you have any hormonal imbalances? You should talk to your doctor about how you feel.


PortiaRose
by on Mar. 21, 2012 at 6:13 PM
1 mom liked this
You're a bitch.

What now?


Quoting Paperfishies:

You're an asshole.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
AdellesMom
by on Mar. 21, 2012 at 6:14 PM
Child, please.


Quoting mom2bell:

you bore me.  good-bye!

Quoting AdellesMom:

You used more Logical Fallacies!



You have proved my point. "Go take my meds?" Seriously?



Where did I diagnose her? Nowhere! I said it SOUNDS like she has depression. But, the OP has admitted that she has been treated for depression on and off since she was a teenager.



You're a dumb ignorant bitch. If I were you, I'd grab a dictionary and look up the definitions of compassion, empathy, and sympathy. Then, I'd apply them to my life.



At least you didn't use the anon button.




Quoting mom2bell:

I realize completely what I am implying and saying. I am sorry Mrs. Fucking MDD, you cannot diagnoise someone based on a post...you are an ass for thinking otherwise. Your ignorance and need to appear superior is making you look like a fool!! Go take your meds!!





Quoting AdellesMom:

Deflect much?







You know you're wrong when you start deflecting and when you start using logical fallacies.







You're the one being a bitch. Not me. You're a pompous butch not because you disagree with me, but because you're clueless and you think you know what you're talking about.







You compared the OP to people that have killed their children without realizing what you were implying and what you were saying. It's also pretty evident to me that you don't realize the psychosis someone like an Andrea Yates suffered from.







Continue to spew your BS. You're the one that looks like a fool. Not me.








Quoting mom2bell:

Like a what?




You don't know this woman. You stated she's a bit depressed...that is your opinion. I am sorry my does not match yours. And because I do not agree I am pomous? Really? Get over your stuck up know it all attitude!










Quoting AdellesMom:

You've added nothing but BS to this thread. Besides, there's no reason for me to "get over myself." I'm not the one acting like a pompous bish.











Quoting mom2bell:

After you! I have a right to my opinion, just as you do!
Quoting AdellesMom:

What the hell is your problem? As a person that has MDD, I can tell you that talking to complete strangers can/has help(ed).



Get over yourself.


Quoting mom2bell:

I am sure she thinks she did that here on CM.  Puhleeeeeeeeeeeeeese!

Quoting AdellesMom:

No.





Many of them are mentally ill, and NEVER admit that they have a problem, or that they feel the way they do. Many of them are undiagnosed.





The OP has admitted to her feelings. Now, she needs to seek the proper help.






Quoting mom2bell:

yeah and some of those fucking women chase their kids around the house and drown them one at a time, or stick them in the trunk of their car with duct tape over their mouths.  it is cause for concern, and the media has shown us enough that these people are in fact assholes.

Quoting AdellesMom:

How?







If anything, she's a bit depressed. There are a lot of women that feel the way she does.






















Quoting Paperfishies:

You're an asshole.




Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Paperfishies
by on Mar. 21, 2012 at 6:15 PM
You too. You say it like I take offense or like I'm going to get all butt hurt. That is not the case.


Quoting PortiaRose:

You're a bitch.



What now?




Quoting Paperfishies:

You're an asshole.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 21, 2012 at 6:15 PM
1 mom liked this
You're absolutely right. I always wanted to be a mom and thought I would be great at it and love it. Its weird reconciling the fact that I have problems with motherhood and how being a mom has seemingly consumed my identity.

Quoting unspecified42:

I'm sorry, mama. Parenthood isn't for everyone, thats for sure.
JavaLadybug
by on Mar. 21, 2012 at 6:15 PM
1 mom liked this

 Been there! HUGE HUGS!

I won't give any patronizing answers... I will just offer hugs!

angi07
by on Mar. 21, 2012 at 6:15 PM
1 mom liked this
My kids are the same ages plus I have a 5 month old I dont regret them in any way, but its exhausting and stressful. Children are a blessings. Maybe you just need a break?
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