Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

I regret having children :( EDIT/UPDATE ***2nd Update*** NEW UPDATE ***

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
I always wanted to be a mom and thought that I would love it.

My kids are 7 and 3, both planned, and motherhood is nothing like I'd imagined. I keep waiting for it to get better, but it never does.

I find it nothing but stressful, exhausting and emotionally draining. I love my children, but I hate being a mom.

***EDIT***

I see I've got a lot of catching up to do, but I've read every single comment so far, up to page 45.

For those who have offered encouragement, sympathy, or even constructive criticism, thank you. I do have a long history of depression and have a doctor appointment next Thursday to evaluate the issue.

To those who commented only to bash, call me names, and kick me when I'm down, well fuck off. That's CM for you, I guess.

And, just to clear things up, I do not "hate" my children. I neither neglect nor abuse them and I'm not distant and apathetic toward them, either. By regret, I simply meant that if I had the opportunity to live my life again, I probably would have opted not to have children, knowing the toll it would take on every aspect of my life.

That's neither here nor there. I DO have children and I love and care for them and and am invested in their happiness and their future. However, I am not happy at all with my life and THAT'S what I'm trying to figure out: how to be happy with the road I've chosen.

Those that can relate or are empathetic will understand. Those that think I'm horrible can just go ahead and think that.

I'll catch up on comments later tonight. My kids and I always make pizza and watch a movie together on Friday evenings 'cause I'm such a shitty mom and all.

****EDIT #2****

I've caught up on the latest replies.

Eh....killing myself isn't an option and neither is giving my children up for adoption. I don't WANT my children to go away. I love them and like being there for them. I REGRET THE TOLL MOTHERHOOD HAS TAKEN ON MY LIFE AND, MOSTLY, MY MENTAL HEALTH. I'm sorry if that's impossible for some of you to comprehend.

I'm tired of hearing all the rants about how infertile women would be happy to have children and maybe I should give my kids to them. I mean, are *you* mentally unstable? How is that even realistic advice? It's not my fault that some women can't have kids.

Another point, my kids are not UNWANTED. If I didnt want to stick it out and figure out my problems and be the best mother I can be, I could have easily walked out and let their dad have custody. I'm not going to do that. I WANT to be happy being a mom. And I'm working on it.

A continued thanks for those who've asked questions, offered encouragement, and told me your stories. I'm glad I'm not alone and, honestly, I'm tired of mothers feeling like they can never say anything negative about parenthood.

ANOTHER UPDATE:

So, I went to the doctor last week and spoke at length about both my mental and physical stresses.

I had a complete physical and was found to be anemic and have a vitamin B12 deficiency.

I'm on supplements and was also prescribed Wellbutrin and a sleep aid. I'm hesitant to take the sleep aid, because I'm afraid that I'll sleep through my kids calling for me if they need me.

The supplements have so far made me feel a bit better; nothing from the Wellburtin yet, but I know that takes time.

I've also started a new hobby with my 7yo and am starting classes this week to finish my degree, so at least I can say things are looking up. Thanks for everyone's support.
Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 21, 2012 at 3:54 PM
Replies (1221-1230):
sinnerspirit
by on Mar. 26, 2012 at 8:58 AM

oh little one........i am the worst kind.....i'm the one who speaks the truth that everyone else wants to say  but doens't have the balls to do it!  i am rude, honest, and a bit hateful.........and yes, i do enjoy that very very much!  i am the one that makes women like you look like idiots.......which you are.....

Quoting uirisg:


Quoting sinnerspirit:

i'm the cunt? really? i'm one of hundreds of other moms who love being a mom and love my children and not once have i wished i didn't have them or regreted being a mother......you my dear, need to be slapped upside the head.......there are tons of women out there who can't have children and would do anything to have them......and here you are being a selfish bitch saying you can't stand being a mom.......how freaking pathetic! call me what you want.....EVERYONE knows now that you are worthless!

Quoting Anonymous:

There's a difference between intelligent and constructive criticism and just plain being a cunt.

I don't mind people who don't understand or disagree with my thoughts, opinions, and feelings as long as they express themselves in a respectful manner.

The name-calling and character bashing coming from some on here is incredibly juvenille.

Quoting sinnerspirit:

don't get upset because of people attacking you.....you were the one to put it out there for ALL to see.......and quite frankly there is something wrong in your head.......you can't just have kids and say you love them and then say you hate being a mom.....because most of us know that in due time you will start resent them. you need to get a grip.....and suck it up......you had those kids you need to figure something out to be a better person and get in the right frame of mind to handle your feelings towards being a mother! you don't like what people have to say, then don't blab it all over the net!


Don't blame anyone for attacking you.....you shouldn't get all high and mighty, you are the one that replied to this post  for ALL to SEE, it's so easy to talk shit over a computer screen but i'd like to see if you really could have some integrity and stand by what you say ...to someone in the real world...without  having your teeth knocked out. If you didn't want the OP to respond to your oh so better than her comment you should have stopped your fingers from typing...DON"T GET MAD because the OP has the balls to be honest.  What the hell is your problem?...what's wrong in your head?... if you think it's ok to attack another person...another mom non-the-less....who is asking for help....you are a selfish, shallow, un-kind person.

Maybe you should spend more time with the children you oh so love and less time bitching on Cafemom  it makes it look like your pretending to give a shit...about your kids. Hopefully your perfect little world keeps on spinning around you!!!! And if it doesn't who really cares...Suck it up and get over it!!!!


hugjam23
by on Mar. 26, 2012 at 9:15 AM

So, once you had the first and were miserable how did you plod on and have the second? What exactly did you think it would be? A convenient part-time job filled with cute little outfits, baby powder and gummy grins each day? I have 3 children: 2 boys (2 & 4) and a girl (9) and would love the opportunity for more. I'm educated, work, and love coming home to outstretched arms, kisses and "mommy, mommy!!"..... Being a mom isn't about you, it's about them; I guess selflLESSness comes easier for some than for others.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Mar. 26, 2012 at 9:17 AM
How does this have 93 likes?

And holy crap @ all the replies!!!!!!
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Mar. 26, 2012 at 9:28 AM

I totally understand where you are coming from. I have 2 boys who i love and would do anything for but there are seriously times where i wonder if i had to do this all over again if i would want to have kids. no phase feels like its better than the other... from the horrible and complicated pregnancy to the sleepless nights, to losing "myself"- physical and emotional; to the so called terrible 2's stage which i think started @ 1 and continued to age 3; to the stubborness of a 5 yr old who thinks he needs to challenge everything i say... GEEZ. It can definitely get overwhelming but guess what? they're already here and the most you, i or anyone who feels this way can do about it is basically get used to it and find ways of making it a little less stressful on your emotional and mental being.

i wish i can offer suggestions on what you CAN do to feel better, unfortunately i am yet to figure that part of it out. hope you feel a little ease soon!

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Mar. 26, 2012 at 9:37 AM
1 mom liked this

 I am going to agree with you again here, my exhaustion is not physical, is mental! and same as you I am sick of all the moms with happy faces looking at you like you are a circus freak because they will NEVER scream to their kids, or their kids never misbehave.

But I know all our sacrifices will be worth it in the future (if we are not in an mental asylum LOL) and one day will be having that freedom we had back. and you know, we are SAHM and that is exhausting but a blessing at the same time, because we have the opportunity to be raising our kids.

Is good that you are getting some help, go out with friends if you can get a sitter, I've always tell my husband that hiring a sitter for a day will be cheaper than paying for a psychiatrist! :)

I thought having them in a row is so much easier, my two oldest are 14 months apart, then two years apart and my baby was my ooops 3 1/2 years after, I really thought it was going to be easier but not at all! she is just really active and I am not that young anymore or guess I don't have the same patience anymore. but oh well ... keep trying I hope this gets better for us all.  

hugs


urbr0wneyedg1rl
by on Mar. 26, 2012 at 9:42 AM
2 moms liked this

 I am specifically quoting on this part "By regret, I simply meant that if I had the opportunity to live my life again, I probably would have opted not to have children, knowing the toll it would take on every aspect of my life."

 

Really?  I know you have issues but I hope to gosh that your child never stumble upon this post, bc they will see this and think they caused such a burdon on your life. 


 

Quoting Anonymous:

I always wanted to be a mom and thought that I would love it.

My kids are 7 and 3, both planned, and motherhood is nothing like I'd imagined. I keep waiting for it to get better, but it never does.

I find it nothing but stressful, exhausting and emotionally draining. I love my children, but I hate being a mom.

***EDIT***

I see I've got a lot of catching up to do, but I've read every single comment so far, up to page 45.

For those who have offered encouragement, sympathy, or even constructive criticism, thank you. I do have a long history of depression and have a doctor appointment next Thursday to evaluate the issue.

To those who commented only to bash, call me names, and kick me when I'm down, well fuck off. That's CM for you, I guess.

And, just to clear things up, I do not "hate" my children. I neither neglect nor abuse them and I'm not distant and apathetic toward them, either. By regret, I simply meant that if I had the opportunity to live my life again, I probably would have opted not to have children, knowing the toll it would take on every aspect of my life.

That's neither here nor there. I DO have children and I love and care for them and and am invested in their happiness and their future. However, I am not happy at all with my life and THAT'S what I'm trying to figure out: how to be happy with the road I've chosen.

Those that can relate or are empathetic will understand. Those that think I'm horrible can just go ahead and think that.

I'll catch up on comments later tonight. My kids and I always make pizza and watch a movie together on Friday evenings 'cause I'm such a shitty mom and all.

****EDIT #2****

I've caught up on the latest replies.

Eh....killing myself isn't an option and neither is giving my children up for adoption. I don't WANT my children to go away. I love them and like being there for them. I REGRET THE TOLL MOTHERHOOD HAS TAKEN ON MY LIFE AND, MOSTLY, MY MENTAL HEALTH. I'm sorry if that's impossible for some of you to comprehend.

I'm tired of hearing all the rants about how infertile women would be happy to have children and maybe I should give my kids to them. I mean, are *you* mentally unstable? How is that even realistic advice? It's not my fault that some women can't have kids.

Another point, my kids are not UNWANTED. If I didnt want to stick it out and figure out my problems and be the best mother I can be, I could have easily walked out and let their dad have custody. I'm not going to do that. I WANT to be happy being a mom. And I'm working on it.

A continued thanks for those who've asked questions, offered encouragement, and told me your stories. I'm glad I'm not alone and, honestly, I'm tired of mothers feeling like they can never say anything negative about parenthood.

 

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Mar. 26, 2012 at 10:35 AM

I'm a single mom of one 5 year old who walks on me and treats me pretty bad.  He is perfect w/ his father as far as I know and really nice at school.  All the anger he bottles up he releases it on me.  It's sad b/c all I want is to get along and be loving but he just acts like spoiled brat.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Mar. 26, 2012 at 10:43 AM

I absolutely understand. I knew from the day that I got pregnant that the father would never be around... But I didn't understand how taxing it would be to be a single mother... Mentally and physically. I get great support from my extended family, but finding someone that wants to complete my family with my daughter is next to impossible. I love her. So much. But knowing now how stressful it is doing this alone and feeling like I am going to be alone forever now with her...

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Mar. 26, 2012 at 10:57 AM

I understand and can empathize.  While I don't think I was ever feeling quite as unhappy as you seem to be, there was definitely a point in time when I wished I could turn back the clock and not bring my wonderful children into a world that sometimes has danger, pain and unhappiness.  My kids are 11 and 9 now & it is so much better.  My life is still completely different than I had imagined and I cannot watch a movie or read a newspaper with the same freedom from worry that I could before I had kids.  However, as they get older their personalities develop, they are more independent, and they add happiness and joy that counters the things that change so much due to having kids.

 

I can't say if it will get better for you or not, but I can tell you I feel for you and do believe that you love and take care of your kids and I hope that it is a cloud that can lift as your kids grow up.  I also hope you have a network of friends you can spend time with to unwind and feel like a woman as well as a Mom.

 

rebeccapc
by on Mar. 26, 2012 at 11:06 AM

I can understand. Once home from work i look forward to putting my son down, so i can get to sleep and have a little peace. I just went on a little retreat without my son, and it helped. I got encouragement from God and a little me time. It is not a bad thing since we need this time to be ourself and reboot.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)