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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Mothers with past sexual abuse.

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
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I was raped and molested as a child. I find it very hard to trust men and some women. I am now married with an almost two year old. I still have problems trusting even my husband. Although I know he would never harm my daughter in anyway its always in the back of my mind, and with his younger brother being a convicted pedophile it makes me worry even worse. I criticize and overthink every little thing. I don't want to be this way. I know its wrong of me not to trust. Even with my step-dad I didn't trust him until I was 15 and he has been mad Dad since I was 4. 

Is this normal for any other moms or am I completley nuts? I did recieve counseling when I was much younger but if I were to get a job with health insurance I would definately consider it again. 

Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 28, 2012 at 2:06 AM
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Anonymous
by Anonymous on Mar. 28, 2012 at 2:10 AM
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You are not nuts, you are vigilant. And there is no such thing out there as being 100 percent sure your kids are safe. It's always the ones we trust the most that hurt us the worst. I have a fairly good functioning marriage but I was molested as a child. I sweat the small stuff when it comes to my girls and I am always considering the next step. My children don't even know suffering, I havnt given any chance of it entering in where I am in charge. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Mar. 28, 2012 at 2:10 AM
Exactly how I feel! I'm having a boy which makes it easier but not nonexsistent. I always told people I never wanted a girl. Little do they know why I don't ever want a girl. I couldn't live with myself if what happened to me and so many other women happened to my little girl. Sad what it does to us.
adriana1024
by on Mar. 28, 2012 at 2:11 AM
Honestly whether its right or not I don't know but i can tell you from experiance I still do it with men around my daughter. Even her dad and he's been in the picture for her whole life. Shell be five in September. I cant help it. I honestly dont consider it a bad thing tho. I look at it as me just being more cautious. Good luck. I wouldnt turn down some counseling either tho. lol sorry don't know it helped.
LucyHarper
by on Mar. 28, 2012 at 2:13 AM

I didn't trust men much at first, mainly because I didn't really understand what was happening, I just got that it was an man who was doing it, but as I got older I realized that just because a bad man did that to me doesn't mean that all men are bad, just like just because one man kills another, that doesn't make all men murderers, and that women sexual abuse children as well. I wouldn't be married unless I trusted my husband 100%, he has very strong opinions on those who target children and I know I can trust him to never do that, I wouldn't be married to him if I couldn't. But its normal for you to feel as you do after what you went through, its hard to trust after what happened, after that connection and thought has been made in the mind. I am very careful with my kids, and I think the best I can do is to teach them how to say no, that if someone hurts them like that they should not be ashamed like I was, they need to tell someone and they always have to right to say no and run away, no matter what or who. We have a rule, they are not to take off their clothes for anyone unless we say its okay. My now four, then three, year old stepson was at a friends house and they were going sleeping, his mom wanted to change him into a swim suit, he said that he needed to ask first so they called so he could be sure that it was okay. May be overprotective, but no harm done and better safe then sorry. I suggest that you pursue further couseling in the future, to work on building that back up.

sara_cullen
by on Mar. 28, 2012 at 2:13 AM
in your postion with your past i think it normal but if you feel this way talk to your husband about it and try to work things and make some sort of plan to go to a type of trust consuling together don't worry you are not alone there are other women who have been molested and sexually abused also there are some classes and if you think it is really harming your relationship with your husband then try taking a class or two i wish you the best with your problem *hug*
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tm88rn
by on Mar. 28, 2012 at 2:14 AM
Oh mama. First, I am sorrier than I can say that your past happened, but most importantly, I'm so sorry that it is still such a huge factor in your life. There is no normal for abuse survivors. What you feel is what you feel. I was sexually abused from age 9 to 15. I don't trust men at all unless I know them very well. I don't trust women easily. I can't be alone in the same room with any man besides my husband and one of his brothers and his husband, and those two only because we are very close and I know them very well. I do trust my husband completely and totally and I always have. I never worry that he would hurt our children, or me, in any way, ever. He would walk through fire to keep us from being hurt in any way, and I know that. I think the best thing for you to do is sit down with your husband and discuss your fears. If you can't afford a therapist, check out the local PP or women's shelter if they have free resources. Call your local police or sheriffs office, the will have all the local rape and abuse centers. Attend a group at least once if you can, group therapy helped me immensely. If you ever want to talk, feel free to message me. I'm always willing to listen. Good luck and hugs mama.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous on Mar. 28, 2012 at 2:15 AM
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Completely normal, this is why my kids have never spent the night at anyone else's house other than my mom's.  Nothing was ever done to me but my SIL spent the night at a friends house when she was 14, the parents decided to go have a few drinks and left a bunch of teenage kids home alone.  Her female friend    (that she was spending the night with) decided to go meet up with her boyfriend while my SIL was sleeping.  My sister in law was brutally raped by her friends 17yr old brother and 2 of his friends.  My husband is dead set against my daughter ever spending the night at a friends house because of it.  He can remember her running through the door and her being all bloody and beat up.  My kids friends can just spend the night at my house.  I thought other parents would be upset but surprisingly they all understand.

DejaVooDoo
by Silver Member on Mar. 28, 2012 at 2:16 AM

I have trouble trusting men. The only man I trust is SO, but I've been with him for 12 years. We had a two year separation, and I attempted to start dating again. Least to say, the relationships I created were very unhealthy and resulted in me getting hurt.

I can create male friends ok, but I watch them very closely. I can't help it, and yes I have been in your shoes. And no you are not nuts. Many hugs to you.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Mar. 28, 2012 at 2:20 AM

I think the reason this is all so hard for me is because is wasn't just once.

Age 2- A really good friend of my mom's son made me do stuff to him.

Age 4- My grandfather molested me.

           My cousin molested me as soon as I moved to a new city and my father was out of my life

Age 12- I was a babysitter and my boss' boyfriend touched me.

Then when I started dating I had two boyfriends that sexually, physically and meantally abused me.

My mother actually told me once she though I was making it all up because this all could not happen to one person it was all too much for her to believe.

For those people that still have a hard time trusting, do you tell your SO's how you feel?

DejaVooDoo
by Silver Member on Mar. 28, 2012 at 2:24 AM

I told him once and he wasn't very receptive to it. He couldn't understand how I could be with someone, but deep down not be sure to trust them out of fear. Slowly over time I have gotten over that stage. But it took a very long time. SO is not physically or emotionally abusive. But occasionally he still needs a bitch slap over the head when he gets ahead of himself. I have to remind him that some aspects of our relationship are still sensitive. He still sometimes struggles to understand, even after so long.

Since we have been back together though, I have come to a final decision. If anything was to happen to us, and we were to separate - I wouldn't want to date another man in the immediate or distant future. I just can't cope with the fear of wanting or trying to trust another male.

Quoting Anonymous:

I think the reason this is all so hard for me is because is wasn't just once.

Age 2- A really good friend of my mom's son made me do stuff to him.

Age 4- My grandfather molested me.

           My cousin molested me as soon as I moved to a new city and my father was out of my life

Age 12- I was a babysitter and my boss' boyfriend touched me.

Then when I started dating I had two boyfriends that sexually, physically and meantally abused me.

My mother actually told me once she though I was making it all up because this all could not happen to one person it was all too much for her to believe.

For those people that still have a hard time trusting, do you tell your SO's how you feel?


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