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Is it normal to feel depressed when you first find out you're pregnant?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

I just found out I'm pregnant last night and it will be my second child at 21.  Just as i started focusing on myself again, it seems like this has shattered all my future dreams and aspirations to become something more in life.  I don't mean to offend, but I just can't live being a sahm my whole life.  I know my reasoning is selfish, but I just can't seem to stop crying.  When you first found out you were pregnant with your kids, did you ever go through depression?  Is it normal?  

*Before anyone plans to attack me by claiming i shouldn't have sex if I don't want kids, I am living with my bf who's the father of both my kids, and my bc failed me.  

Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 30, 2012 at 2:36 PM
Replies (421-430):
mommycrissa
by on Apr. 3, 2012 at 3:04 AM
I don't want more kids and would be very depressed in my situation if I were to get pregnant. But I've abstained from sex for three years so no worries :-) Even if I did have sex, I have the iud!
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VSmall
by on Apr. 3, 2012 at 4:00 AM
1 mom liked this

You can not help how you feel.  It is understandable that you are upset since you had hoped to put your focus elsewhere but at the same time some of the best things in life happen unplanned.  You are still young and will not be a SAHM forever, even though it feels like it. Plenty of us have children and a career and if that is what you want, I hope you can too.  A nice side is that you may have 2 kids close in age and in the near future hopefully your pregnancy will feel "unplanned but not unwanted".

Best of luck!!!

Oksana5041
by on Apr. 3, 2012 at 4:35 AM

It is absolutely normal. I remember being terrified the morning I found out I was pregnant even though we were trying for months to conceive. Even if you're expecting the change you're still shocked when you realize that what you were expecting is here. In your case, you have the element of surprize.

A few years down the road when you're madly in love in your third child, you might look back and not know what the depression was about.

The best of luck to you!

tina08mommy
by Gold Member on Apr. 3, 2012 at 5:33 AM
I had my first at 18 and my 2nd at 20. It was hard on me and my bf at the time (father of both of my children) wasn't much help I did it on my own even when we were together. If u have ur kids father there for you and them it won't be as hard. I know Its hard at first but it does get easier. I have never had depression
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Trisha234
by Silver Member on Apr. 3, 2012 at 6:44 AM
When you see the sonogram, or when you hear baby's heart beat for the first time, your sadness will lift. It is understandable that you are upset. It will be fine though, and you are already a mama anyway. Two is not much more demanding. Looking at the bright side, you are only 21. I am 33 and just had my second LO in January. I earned my degree then worked in my field for ten years before starting my family. You can still go to school and pursue the dreams you have for yourself. Best wishes to you. You will be a wonderful mama to the new one...just as you are to your first baby :-)
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Apr. 3, 2012 at 6:48 AM

You can always decide not to have the baby? Its your body and your choice.  

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Apr. 3, 2012 at 6:51 AM

I was depressed when I found out that I was pregnant with my first kid, we were trying to be careful, but like you my bc failed. Actually nothing is 100% except abstinance. Anyhow, I cried most of the 9 mos, and that was 25 years ago. I am very glad that I did have our son, and even though things aren't in accordance with your plans right now, make an adjustment. Life is full of adjustments. Things may seem bad right now, but believe it or not, they can get better. You know the cliche about turning lemons into lemonade? Get the books that you were gona use for school or whaterver your plans were for focusing on you, and take  little YOU time and do a little reading. Meditate on how by means of making an adjustment you will set out to still accomplish your goals. Read to your children, the unborn child especially. Listen to some nice, calming music, think positive, it makes a difference. You have to go on with your life, and try being happy, because depression affects more than you, it can affect your unborn child, and the last thing you want to have to deal with is a sick child. Remember, you can do this. Resolve to accept your unplanned pregnancy, and you can still focus on doing things for yourself, you just have a minor set back.  Your plan didn't work out, but just think, your purpose for wanting to focus on accomplishing some things for yourself hasn't changed, it's just going to take you a little longer to accomplish it.  Minor set back, it happens all the time, it's call life. Just remember, you wil be ok. I hpe this makes you feel better, you're just a little bit off schedule, that's all.

tschu
by on Apr. 3, 2012 at 7:16 AM
I wasn't depressed but my sister was. It weighed heavy on her. She had 2 children with a man who did nothing to help out with the other 2 that was probably the biggest reason 4 her depression I think it was the first ultra sound ( hearing her little girls heart beat) was the turning point. Just know that your not alone. You age not a bad person 4 feeling the way you do. Your alone if you let yourself be. Children don't hold people back they should inspire people 2 work harder in life. I wish you well and wish you nothing but inner peace and happiness.
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shadoesmom
by on Apr. 3, 2012 at 7:53 AM
Its normal I was to with my first and scared I finally woke up one day and I wasnt after a couple of Weeks it a scary thing
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Leelee8506
by on Apr. 3, 2012 at 7:55 AM
I felt the same way until hearing the heart beat and seeing the Ultrasound. Because this is my second I also was turning my life around. Losing weight going back to school dropped stressful bf, then found out I was pregnant. So I'm still in college bf is less stressing and more supportive, tge weight thing can continue once my little princess is here. Everything worked out. My thoughts and fears were worst than my reality and that sometimes happens but through it all even actual hard times I had to hold myself together and realize the little person inside me deserves to be stress free. I got her in there si why punish her by stressing out. Hopefully things will get better and like others have said if the depression gets worst talk to your dr. I suggest to seek counseling before taking pills. I go to a counseling session every 2 weeks and its working. You can do it momma! Hang in there and keep your head up. Things do get better if you let them and you help them
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