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*update*Am I wrong.... (question concerning blended family)

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
**so I figured that since most of the response I had was helpful rather than just mean I'd give an update. I took the advice most of you ladies gave and made very clear arrangements with Ss mother in case I went into labor on my due date. My SO brought his son over for the weekend and honestly seeing my SO so happy just made me change my mind about tons of things. I think I fell in love with my SS this weekend, he is an amazing, entertaining kid. I did however go into labor.AS SOON as SO came back from dropping him off, how strange is that? After 16 hours of labor my son was born and now I can't wait to get out of the hospital to see how SS reacts to lil brother. I'm very anxious and excited :)**

Ok figured I'd ask this question in this site since women here are painfully honest about there feelings..

I'm gonna be a ftm, (due date is saturday) my SO has a three year old son. He just started getting unsupervised visits with his son which I know my SO really loves. But heres the hitch.
I'm due saturday. He wants his son to spend the weekend here. I told him taking his son for the entire weekend wasn't smart, I mean what does he plan to do with him if I go into labor? He said bring him with...
Bring him with? Wtf.are you kidding me? This is gonna be my first and ONLY child I intend to have, is it wrong to want my SOs undivided attention. To focus all on me while I'm birthing his son and not half assing between me and his 3 year old?
He said theres no sure prof that I'll go into labor this weekend (especially since doc told me I'm not open at all) but still why risk it? The way I see it is he has now until FOREVER to spend time with his son, and only ONE time to be sportive and attentive to me during labor...
We fought about this for days, I told him how important it is to me that hes there just for me during labor, I thought he understood and than this afternoon I heard him tell his son he's picking him up for the weekend.. Talk about a smack to the face...
Am I over reacting? Am I wrong for feeling this way?
Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 5, 2012 at 12:21 AM
Replies (61-70):
smurfbitebug
by on Apr. 5, 2012 at 1:51 AM
1 mom liked this
First of all, hormones make you really protective of anything that has to do with this baby, even protective against kids in your own family that you haven't birthed. There have been hundreds of studies on this. Google it. It will save you a lot of heartache and you can watch out for it and stop blaming yourself- and your SO/DH needs to know, too.

Second, due dates, especially for your first child, mean very little. You usually go over the due date. But.yes, there is a chance you will go into labor.

Have a backup plan for the 3 year old. There is no reason why your husband/SO should skip this weekend with him. However,there needs to be a backup plan and someone needs to come to the hospital and pick up that child if you go into labor. You don't need to make plans to drop him off somewhere in case you have a fast labor-they need to come to the hospital and pick him up after you get there.
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Elayna90
by Gold Member on Apr. 5, 2012 at 1:52 AM
1 mom liked this
I see both sides but I think you both need to give a little.
He shouldn't lose time with his son because you might go into labor but he should have a backup plan in case you do.
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SnapIt
by Ruby Member on Apr. 5, 2012 at 1:53 AM

oooh boy....

that is his son and if you aren't dilated as of yet, you are getting heated for nothing and are starting to open up a can of worms. The smart thing to do is to let him get his son and find a person who will watch him IF you go into labor. It's your first and more than likely you won't be having this baby this weekend.

Let him be with his kid. Don't start putting your new baby before his first born. Otherwise you are going to make people miserible, including yourself.

And the way you stress that word FOREVER, sounds like trouble coming your way. Im wondering if once the baby is here, you are going to harp on him about spending time with the new baby and that he has FOREVER to spend it with his first born. That wouldn't be fair to him nor to his first born. Sounds like you are starting to get possesive over his time with you and it will be later the baby too. Just don't expect him to spend less time with his first born son. You knew he had a kid and that is someting you are going to have to learn to swallow

sheramom4
by Ruby Member on Apr. 5, 2012 at 1:55 AM

I don't think you feeling this way is wrong (as far as wanting undivided attention during labor/delivery) or even expressing those feelings to you S/O isn't wrong. The part where you are wrong is not wanting to come up with a compromise to the situation, such as letting the mom know that you are due anyday (or SO letting her know) and that you need to have the option of her picking up her son. Your SO should not give up visitation except for a true emergency since he just got unsupervised visits, it sets a bad precedence and also creates negative feelings in the relationship between you and your step-child. You should also let the mom know that his son is welcome to come visit the baby int he hospital and meet his new baby brother or sister or even wait in the waiting room with her until the baby is born and then your SO can go get him. Let the little boy know he is part of your family by including him in these things...

lovelove211
by Platinum Member on Apr. 5, 2012 at 1:55 AM
This


Quoting sorcha1945:

Due dates really don't mean anything. Its his son so he should spend time with him while he can BUT he should have a back up plan in case you do go into labor.

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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 5, 2012 at 1:55 AM
There wasn't any other excuses. Point is he's hard headed and stubborn and I'm hormonal and emotional and instead of trying to come up with a plan (since I'm a planner and he's go with the flow) it turned out to just be a screaming "yes/no" match instead of coming up with a plan we're ok with.. Which is why I turned to CM


Quoting mommycrissa:

The 3 year old should not be their during birth... But he should not give up visitation because you MIGHT go into labor. He should check with the mother and let her know that he may need to call her to come get the child if you go to the hospital. Most likely you will take the child with you and she or someone else will pick him up as soon as possible. You could arrange with a neighbor to be available also or even a friend. My parents dropped us off on Christmas morning with the Paster of our church when my sister was born before going to the hospital. End of story, any rationalization that you have about this not working is just an excuse and you need to get over it. You married a guy with a child and this is your life.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 10 on Apr. 5, 2012 at 1:57 AM
I personally think your selfish. I mean if i had the chance to have a baby with my SO, i would more then happily and more like beg his children to be apart of it. Up until the pushing ne ways. Just to imagin having my whole family there with me its a blessing. Do you plan on having neone else when your in labor? A sister, mother, grandmother, cuzin, etc????? I think you have to realize hes a part of your life you cant just push him off when you want alone time cuz hes not yours :-\ poor child
Uhura
by Gold Member on Apr. 5, 2012 at 2:00 AM

I have to agree with this. You don't know that you will go into labor or not, let him enjoy his son. However, there needs to be a plan for someone to come get the child or you can drop him off with someone. You do deserve his undivided attention during your labor, but it doesn't mean both things can't happen.

Quoting sorcha1945:

Due dates really don't mean anything. Its his son so he should spend time with him while he can BUT he should have a back up plan in case you do go into labor.


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Salsacookies
by Gold Member on Apr. 5, 2012 at 2:01 AM

I think the 3YO should be there to see his little brother born. I'm seriously considering letting DD in the room to watch her little brother or sister be born. She is 2 1/2 Birth is not a traumatic event. It's a normal, natural event that should be enjoyed by the family.

mommycrissa
by on Apr. 5, 2012 at 2:02 AM
Then I hope you talk to him about it and let him know you were not thinking clearly. And simply find your back up if you do go into labor. And I've never known anyone to go into labor on their due date. My DD was a week late and that is normal with firsts.


Quoting Anonymous:

There wasn't any other excuses. Point is he's hard headed and stubborn and I'm hormonal and emotional and instead of trying to come up with a plan (since I'm a planner and he's go with the flow) it turned out to just be a screaming "yes/no" match instead of coming up with a plan we're ok with.. Which is why I turned to CM




Quoting mommycrissa:

The 3 year old should not be their during birth... But he should not give up visitation because you MIGHT go into labor. He should check with the mother and let her know that he may need to call her to come get the child if you go to the hospital. Most likely you will take the child with you and she or someone else will pick him up as soon as possible. You could arrange with a neighbor to be available also or even a friend. My parents dropped us off on Christmas morning with the Paster of our church when my sister was born before going to the hospital. End of story, any rationalization that you have about this not working is just an excuse and you need to get over it. You married a guy with a child and this is your life.


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