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*update*Am I wrong.... (question concerning blended family)

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
**so I figured that since most of the response I had was helpful rather than just mean I'd give an update. I took the advice most of you ladies gave and made very clear arrangements with Ss mother in case I went into labor on my due date. My SO brought his son over for the weekend and honestly seeing my SO so happy just made me change my mind about tons of things. I think I fell in love with my SS this weekend, he is an amazing, entertaining kid. I did however go into labor.AS SOON as SO came back from dropping him off, how strange is that? After 16 hours of labor my son was born and now I can't wait to get out of the hospital to see how SS reacts to lil brother. I'm very anxious and excited :)**

Ok figured I'd ask this question in this site since women here are painfully honest about there feelings..

I'm gonna be a ftm, (due date is saturday) my SO has a three year old son. He just started getting unsupervised visits with his son which I know my SO really loves. But heres the hitch.
I'm due saturday. He wants his son to spend the weekend here. I told him taking his son for the entire weekend wasn't smart, I mean what does he plan to do with him if I go into labor? He said bring him with...
Bring him with? Wtf.are you kidding me? This is gonna be my first and ONLY child I intend to have, is it wrong to want my SOs undivided attention. To focus all on me while I'm birthing his son and not half assing between me and his 3 year old?
He said theres no sure prof that I'll go into labor this weekend (especially since doc told me I'm not open at all) but still why risk it? The way I see it is he has now until FOREVER to spend time with his son, and only ONE time to be sportive and attentive to me during labor...
We fought about this for days, I told him how important it is to me that hes there just for me during labor, I thought he understood and than this afternoon I heard him tell his son he's picking him up for the weekend.. Talk about a smack to the face...
Am I over reacting? Am I wrong for feeling this way?
Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 5, 2012 at 12:21 AM
Replies (71-80):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 5, 2012 at 2:03 AM
Thank you.. Like I stated before I didn't see a compromise in this situation which is why I turned to CM. I like to plan things ahead of time where he is go-with-the-flow and this to me isn't a go-with-the-flow type of event. But instead of talking things out, it got turned into.a screaming match and no one gets heard.

Quoting smurfbitebug:

First of all, hormones make you really protective of anything that has to do with this baby, even protective against kids in your own family that you haven't birthed. There have been hundreds of studies on this. Google it. It will save you a lot of heartache and you can watch out for it and stop blaming yourself- and your SO/DH needs to know, too.



Second, due dates, especially for your first child, mean very little. You usually go over the due date. But.yes, there is a chance you will go into labor.



Have a backup plan for the 3 year old. There is no reason why your husband/SO should skip this weekend with him. However,there needs to be a backup plan and someone needs to come to the hospital and pick up that child if you go into labor. You don't need to make plans to drop him off somewhere in case you have a fast labor-they need to come to the hospital and pick him up after you get there.


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
pasteeater
by on Apr. 5, 2012 at 2:05 AM
This. Op it seems like you'll be second for a long time. Good Luck.

Quoting anotherhalf:

I see this as a sign of things to come. Good luck.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
smurfbitebug
by on Apr. 5, 2012 at 2:17 AM
1 mom liked this
That never works, I agree.

But seriously, Google blended families expecting a new baby. A lot of the studies done will make you both understand each other a lot more clearly.

He will stop thinking you have animosity towards his son, which you clearly don't, and you will recognize your emotions, too.

It helped us. It can't hurt, right?


Quoting Anonymous:

Thank you.. Like I stated before I didn't see a compromise in this situation which is why I turned to CM. I like to plan things ahead of time where he is go-with-the-flow and this to me isn't a go-with-the-flow type of event. But instead of talking things out, it got turned into.a screaming match and no one gets heard.


Quoting smurfbitebug:

First of all, hormones make you really protective of anything that has to do with this baby, even protective against kids in your own family that you haven't birthed. There have been hundreds of studies on this. Google it. It will save you a lot of heartache and you can watch out for it and stop blaming yourself- and your SO/DH needs to know, too.



Second, due dates, especially for your first child, mean very little. You usually go over the due date. But.yes, there is a chance you will go into labor.



Have a backup plan for the 3 year old. There is no reason why your husband/SO should skip this weekend with him. However,there needs to be a backup plan and someone needs to come to the hospital and pick up that child if you go into labor. You don't need to make plans to drop him off somewhere in case you have a fast labor-they need to come to the hospital and pick him up after you get there.



Posted on CafeMom Mobile
MamaHens3
by on Apr. 5, 2012 at 2:21 AM

My kids didn't make their EDD, I have four children and two oldest were late. The two youngest were early, the mid wife told me the EDD is more of could be two wks before if not after that date. When I was pregnant with my first, I thought the date was go time that's it yet nothing. I wanted to cry, bags packed and things ready for a baby that was late lol. 

You have to look at it from his POV a little, he doesn't see his son much and so happens he'll have him on your EDD area. You aren't dialated at all, I was a 1cm for two wks then a 2 that next one and then I progressed a week early. An I was still in labor in the hospital for 8 hrs, waiting for my second bag of water to break... yes i had two with my fourth child lol. Things do not happen as planned, and the baby will tell you when its time along with your body.

You are being both reasonable, and unreasonable. Understand he wants his son there, but agree he should give you attention to comfort you when it is time. A hospital is no place for young children, or a child since they get bored so fast it drives you a little crazy. If you end up dialating you would have to be going into labor FAST, being your first baby this isn't something that will go that quick.  Had my first 9 yrs ago, and that took forever felt like a week late almost. Maybe you should play it by ear, go with the flow your SO's way for this one and tell him just in case. He should have his son's mom on call, or on stand by and he can try to get him again soon if labor was to happen. You have a right to want him there for you, same time it's his son and having a new child or not he has to learn to split his time. What will you do when the baby is born, and he has his son? Will you be jealous he is spending time with his son a little more, and not giving the baby more time? Just saying, an honest  question is all. Good luck, and sounds like you need to compromise meeting in the middle. Have him over the weekend, but keep his mother on stand by in case. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 11 on Apr. 5, 2012 at 2:28 AM
I'll be honest. You sound somewhat selfish. I don't think it's good to begin your new baby's life by making his father choose between his kids. It's not fair to the son he has.

I understand not wanting him in the delivery room, but keeping him from seeing his father when you might not even go into labor? Not cool. I would suggest a compromise where your SO can take his son home in the event that you go into labor while he's there. It's likely going to take a long time anyway, if it's your first.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 12 on Apr. 5, 2012 at 2:38 AM

You're not wrong for wanting his undivided attention but I don't think you're going to go into labor. Good luck and let us know after you have the baby. Good luck.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 5, 2012 at 4:24 AM
I will, thank you


Quoting smurfbitebug:

That never works, I agree.



But seriously, Google blended families expecting a new baby. A lot of the studies done will make you both understand each other a lot more clearly.



He will stop thinking you have animosity towards his son, which you clearly don't, and you will recognize your emotions, too.



It helped us. It can't hurt, right?




Quoting Anonymous:

Thank you.. Like I stated before I didn't see a compromise in this situation which is why I turned to CM. I like to plan things ahead of time where he is go-with-the-flow and this to me isn't a go-with-the-flow type of event. But instead of talking things out, it got turned into.a screaming match and no one gets heard.



Quoting smurfbitebug:

First of all, hormones make you really protective of anything that has to do with this baby, even protective against kids in your own family that you haven't birthed. There have been hundreds of studies on this. Google it. It will save you a lot of heartache and you can watch out for it and stop blaming yourself- and your SO/DH needs to know, too.



Second, due dates, especially for your first child, mean very little. You usually go over the due date. But.yes, there is a chance you will go into labor.



Have a backup plan for the 3 year old. There is no reason why your husband/SO should skip this weekend with him. However,there needs to be a backup plan and someone needs to come to the hospital and pick up that child if you go into labor. You don't need to make plans to drop him off somewhere in case you have a fast labor-they need to come to the hospital and pick him up after you get there.





Anonymous
by Anonymous 13 on Apr. 5, 2012 at 4:32 AM

he is excited about seeing his child, which is apart of your life too right? so that makes you this child's step mother correct? well its kind of rude of you to get overly upset about the child coming for the weekend..and you said the baby you are having is your only child? so do you not consider his other child yours even if they are not blood? hope your not going to be one of those evil step mothers..but i dont think a 3 year old should be in a delivery room, it could be a traumatic thing to see, but im sure if you just talk to your husband, then he can make arrangements to have his other child watched by the mother

Anonymous
by Anonymous 14 on Apr. 5, 2012 at 4:37 AM

I'd want his undivided attention too.  It's not so horrible that he wants his son over when you COULD go into labor, but he should respect your feeings and at least plan a backup person to take his son in case labor does come.  Knowing you want his complete attention and then him saying he'd just bring his son with you to the hospital isn't very fair to you.  Sorry, hope it works out for you and you get the labor you deserve.

rliperote2
by on Apr. 5, 2012 at 4:41 AM

I  completely  agree its like she wants him  to pick between her and his son.  First off its your first baby chances of you going on time are slim i  know your doctor told you that.  Im sure if you happen to go into labor his ex can pick the child up.  If my so made me pick between him and my other children he wouldnt be happy with my choice.  Im thinking you keep this crap up your going to be a ex sweetie.  You dont try to come between a parent and there child its just bullshit!

Quoting Anonymous:

How old are you? You sound very selfish and immature. Why get with a man that has a kid if you want his undivided attention?

Quoting Anonymous:

My SO.doesn't have family and my only family in this state is my mother who plans on being in the delivery room with me as well.. I.just think its so unfair to me, can't he just leave him with his mother and not do over night visits until after I have this baby


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