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*update*Am I wrong.... (question concerning blended family)

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
**so I figured that since most of the response I had was helpful rather than just mean I'd give an update. I took the advice most of you ladies gave and made very clear arrangements with Ss mother in case I went into labor on my due date. My SO brought his son over for the weekend and honestly seeing my SO so happy just made me change my mind about tons of things. I think I fell in love with my SS this weekend, he is an amazing, entertaining kid. I did however go into labor.AS SOON as SO came back from dropping him off, how strange is that? After 16 hours of labor my son was born and now I can't wait to get out of the hospital to see how SS reacts to lil brother. I'm very anxious and excited :)**

Ok figured I'd ask this question in this site since women here are painfully honest about there feelings..

I'm gonna be a ftm, (due date is saturday) my SO has a three year old son. He just started getting unsupervised visits with his son which I know my SO really loves. But heres the hitch.
I'm due saturday. He wants his son to spend the weekend here. I told him taking his son for the entire weekend wasn't smart, I mean what does he plan to do with him if I go into labor? He said bring him with...
Bring him with? Wtf.are you kidding me? This is gonna be my first and ONLY child I intend to have, is it wrong to want my SOs undivided attention. To focus all on me while I'm birthing his son and not half assing between me and his 3 year old?
He said theres no sure prof that I'll go into labor this weekend (especially since doc told me I'm not open at all) but still why risk it? The way I see it is he has now until FOREVER to spend time with his son, and only ONE time to be sportive and attentive to me during labor...
We fought about this for days, I told him how important it is to me that hes there just for me during labor, I thought he understood and than this afternoon I heard him tell his son he's picking him up for the weekend.. Talk about a smack to the face...
Am I over reacting? Am I wrong for feeling this way?
Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 5, 2012 at 12:21 AM
Replies (81-90):
bcauseimthemom
by Ruby Member on Apr. 5, 2012 at 4:43 AM

 I believe that you are over reacting. Why can't your s/o take his child back to his mother if you go into labor?  Just because you are due does not mean that is the day it happens. Hell, it could go another week or two, what then?? No visits with his other child?, you know, the one that was here first??  You are acting like you will go into labor and then right away go in and deliver. You do realize this could be a really long process... right?

rliperote2
by on Apr. 5, 2012 at 4:44 AM

You know reading this is just making me think your a selfish bitch tbh..  How can you scream at him over his CHILD, you want undivided attention what if you have another child what are you going  to do then?  You are clearly jealous of a 3 year old you really make me sick. 

Quoting Anonymous:

Thank you.. Like I stated before I didn't see a compromise in this situation which is why I turned to CM. I like to plan things ahead of time where he is go-with-the-flow and this to me isn't a go-with-the-flow type of event. But instead of talking things out, it got turned into.a screaming match and no one gets heard.

Quoting smurfbitebug:

First of all, hormones make you really protective of anything that has to do with this baby, even protective against kids in your own family that you haven't birthed. There have been hundreds of studies on this. Google it. It will save you a lot of heartache and you can watch out for it and stop blaming yourself- and your SO/DH needs to know, too.



Second, due dates, especially for your first child, mean very little. You usually go over the due date. But.yes, there is a chance you will go into labor.



Have a backup plan for the 3 year old. There is no reason why your husband/SO should skip this weekend with him. However,there needs to be a backup plan and someone needs to come to the hospital and pick up that child if you go into labor. You don't need to make plans to drop him off somewhere in case you have a fast labor-they need to come to the hospital and pick him up after you get there.



MamatoKy
by Platinum Member on Apr. 5, 2012 at 4:50 AM
Ehh I.could.go either way. First. I doubt the hospital.will.let him in.considering he's under 15 years old n.not your child. That's the.min age for my state. Annnnd I can.see why he wants to see his son. Its his.son
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 15 on Apr. 5, 2012 at 4:58 AM
Not the op but I've seen several people say just have the mom get him or drop him off with her. There's no saying how good the relationship is between the mom and ops so. The mom may not be willing to and tell him to figure it out himself (not to mention what if it happens during the middle of the night???)
Oh and both my labors I have been through I needed to be in l&d ASAP, cause I don't stay in labor long at all.


Quoting pipsmommy:

You're being unreasonable. Its not your fault though. Those pregnancy hormones make everything seem like a bigger deal than it is. Make sure SS's mom can pick him up if you go into labor( she doesn't want him to see you deliever, I promise.) Also, labor progresses pretty slowly the first time. The whole racing to the hospital cliche is usually false, you'll probably end up waiting a couple hours for your contractions to get closer together and then you'll take a drive to the hospital. You could drop off SS on the way.

BRoss1219
by on Apr. 5, 2012 at 5:03 AM
Ummm, he does know that it's changed. No one under the age of 12 is allowed in the delievery room. Found that out when my water broke while I was in the er with my oldest. They wouldnt admit me until my husband got to the hospital and someone came to get my oldest. Soooo, hopefully he has a back up plan. And no, I'd be pretty up set too
Tabitha109
by on Apr. 5, 2012 at 5:09 AM

he.should.have.a.back.up.plan.or.sitter.available...i.was.in.labor.for.three.days.with.my.last.one...he.cant.keep.a.toddler.in.the.hospital.that.long

Anonymous
by Anonymous 16 on Apr. 5, 2012 at 5:21 AM

that is horribly selfish of you, so everyone has to walk around on pins and needles until you give birth? You wont know the feeling of having a child until this baby comes out, but just put yourself in his position, how would you feel if someone took your child and said no overnight  visits until the premadonna has her baby. You probably wouldnt feel too good. You should always put yourself in someone elses shows to see how it feels.

Quoting Anonymous:

My SO.doesn't have family and my only family in this state is my mother who plans on being in the delivery room with me as well.. I.just think its so unfair to me, can't he just leave him with his mother and not do over night visits until after I have this baby


karla85
by Platinum Member on Apr. 5, 2012 at 7:19 AM
Exactly

Quoting rliperote2:

I  completely  agree its like she wants him  to pick between her and his son.  First off its your first baby chances of you going on time are slim i  know your doctor told you that.  Im sure if you happen to go into labor his ex can pick the child up.  If my so made me pick between him and my other children he wouldnt be happy with my choice.  Im thinking you keep this crap up your going to be a ex sweetie.  You dont try to come between a parent and there child its just bullshit!

Quoting Anonymous:

How old are you? You sound very selfish and immature. Why get with a man that has a kid if you want his undivided attention?



Quoting Anonymous:

My SO.doesn't have family and my only family in this state is my mother who plans on being in the delivery room with me as well.. I.just think its so unfair to me, can't he just leave him with his mother and not do over night visits until after I have this baby


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wanderingwolf
by on Apr. 5, 2012 at 7:28 AM

When you marry or date a person with kids, their kids should come first before you and your wants/needs/desires/kids you have with him.  You aren't gaurenteed to go into labor over the weekend especially if you aren't even dialated yet and it isn't fair to his son to have his heart broken because his selfish step mother didn't want him to spend time with his daddy.  Once your kid is born his attention will be divided between your child and his son from his ex.  That will be hard for the kid to get used to.  His father should spend as much one-on-one time with him as possible before the baby is born.

kiminsean
by on Apr. 5, 2012 at 7:31 AM
This. Been there and done this! No you are not wrong! My oldest stood between us when we got married. That should have told me something then! Its been a long time but i have stories for you. Best of luck.(patience too) you are gonna need it!


Quoting anotherhalf:

I see this as a sign of things to come. Good luck.

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