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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

His mother doesn't know we're married

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 44 Replies

He is from India. I am American. We got married 3 years ago and some of my family was there. My family has always accepted him. It was a small but beautiful wedding. He never told his mom. I knew and we have talked about it but his culture is very complicated and I really don't like to push myself between his mother and him. He is the only child (doesn't that make everything better) and his father passed away (god bless him) when he was young.

Basically I have one of the most difficult mother in law situations to deal with. It took him 2 years to tell her he was seeing me and she disowned him shortly after that because I am not Indian/Hindu. She then reowned him. It feels like shit to not be accepted based on my background. She still thinks we are only seeing eachother and we live together but have 2 seperate rooms. HA! He never had a relationship so she has never had to deal with this before. See, this is the problem when you are an overbearing parent and you condition your child to be scared of you. They never tell you or involve you in the most important life events.

We both will not do this to our children. And here is the kicker: I am pregnant now! We are both thrilled!!! I want this baby to be healthy and grow! This means he has to tell her about the baby......

He will tell her when i pass my "misscarriage safety zone" and he doesn't seem to care what she thinks anymore. He is very happy about the baby.

Which is worse, getting married without your mother knowing or having a baby out of wedlock? (she thinks it's out of wedlock but its not)

I am learning Hindi to maybe help ease the transition.

Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 5, 2012 at 7:46 PM
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Replies (1-10):
bmw29
by spitfire_bobbie on Apr. 5, 2012 at 7:48 PM
11 moms liked this
No offense but your husband needs to grow a pair.
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wrensong
by Pagan Mother on Apr. 5, 2012 at 7:52 PM

 Maybe he can tell her about the marriage and baby at the same time??

Maybe the baby will soften her up some

Life in a Pagan Family (my blog)
http://lifeinapaganfamily.blog.com/
mommie020308
by on Apr. 5, 2012 at 7:54 PM
I think that he should grow a set and tell her y'all are married and having a baby. I know how it is, my mil is Korean. When I started seeing my dh, I had a few things going against me lol. I was getting divorced, had two kids and I am white. We then had a baby out of wedlock. My husband never hid me from her, he was proud to be with me.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 5, 2012 at 7:55 PM

When it comes to his mother, yes i agree. I have told him that before and it didn't help at all.

Though in every other aspect of life he is a Man's Man. Protective, Supporting (finacially and emotionally), Brave, etc.

It's just this one subject with him. The Psychology of his mother.

Quoting bmw29:

No offense but your husband needs to grow a pair.


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 5, 2012 at 8:01 PM

Ah so you know then...

He is proud of me but you see it's not about being proud. It's fear. Deep routed fear of his mother. He is proud to say I am his wife to people in his life.

She conditioned him to fear her (not love her). Hit him if he didn't get a A+ or acted up. Its much deeper. It is a culture I did not grow up with and therefore feel awkward about it. I must say though he is worth it. Best person i could have married.

Quoting mommie020308:

I think that he should grow a set and tell her y'all are married and having a baby. I know how it is, my mil is Korean. When I started seeing my dh, I had a few things going against me lol. I was getting divorced, had two kids and I am white. We then had a baby out of wedlock. My husband never hid me from her, he was proud to be with me.


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 5, 2012 at 8:08 PM

Ooo a double whamy? I have thought about that before. I just didn't want to give her a heart attack. She will have to accept the baby. After all, it is her grandchild.

"Hey mom, BTW I'm married and having a baby in November, ok talk to you later, bye" HAHAHA I have to use humor at this point.

Quoting wrensong:

 Maybe he can tell her about the marriage and baby at the same time??

Maybe the baby will soften her up some


wrensong
by Pagan Mother on Apr. 5, 2012 at 8:17 PM

 She will have to know you are married at sometime...maybe say "Oppps she got pregnant so we got married to give the baby a family"?

Quoting Anonymous:

Ooo a double whamy? I have thought about that before. I just didn't want to give her a heart attack. She will have to accept the baby. After all, it is her grandchild.

"Hey mom, BTW I'm married and having a baby in November, ok talk to you later, bye" HAHAHA I have to use humor at this point.

Quoting wrensong:

 Maybe he can tell her about the marriage and baby at the same time??

Maybe the baby will soften her up some

 

 

Life in a Pagan Family (my blog)
http://lifeinapaganfamily.blog.com/
mommie020308
by on Apr. 5, 2012 at 8:23 PM
My husband grew up in the same type of culture, but he sure as heck didn't hide me away lol. My mil would hit him with a wooden spoon if he was bad, he was made to practice the piano and violen whether he wanted to or not. Hewentcan to summer school, even though he passed with awesome grades, I know about the culture thing but he still should have told her years ago.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 5, 2012 at 8:25 PM

I don't know which is worse.

I really just want him to tell her the truth, we got married 3 years ago and I didn't tell you because of such and such reason. I am not going to force it though. I could but I am not going to. I feel it would be psychologically much healtheir for him if he did it on his own but it sure is taking him a long time!

I didn't ask my parents to get married I told them I was getting married. After all I am an Adult and It's my decision, I am the one that has to live with the consequences, not them. So I am not used to this whole "fear" thing he has. It's new to me. But I also didn't grow up in that culture either and did not grow up with his mom.

Fuck it, you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't.

Quoting wrensong:

 She will have to know you are married at sometime...maybe say "Oppps she got pregnant so we got married to give the baby a family"?

Quoting Anonymous:

Ooo a double whamy? I have thought about that before. I just didn't want to give her a heart attack. She will have to accept the baby. After all, it is her grandchild.

"Hey mom, BTW I'm married and having a baby in November, ok talk to you later, bye" HAHAHA I have to use humor at this point.

Quoting wrensong:

 Maybe he can tell her about the marriage and baby at the same time??

Maybe the baby will soften her up some


 


brettsmomma
by ~Tammie~ on Apr. 5, 2012 at 8:27 PM

 Right the hell on!!   Your having a child and omg do you want your child to grow up feeling ashamed of its family or have of its heritage?? the truth needs to be told.

Quoting bmw29:

No offense but your husband needs to grow a pair.

 

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