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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

The other kid. What would you do?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

Ok so a few years ago my boyfriend (we have a son together) had a brief fling (it lasted about 2 months) with a friend of ours. Well she ended up getting pregnant. Both she and my boyfriend said he was the father. He had told me he wanted to be in the child's life but I had concerns that he would continue the affair with her if he was in the child's life so I told him if he chose to play daddy to her kid then it was over between us and I would take our son and move out of state so he couldn't see our son. He chose to stay with me and our son (that's how it should be) . As far as I knew he'd had nothing further to do with her other than her letting him know the kid was born and what it was and it's name, untill about a year ago when I had his cell phone and seen some pictures of the kid she'd sent him. I asked him about them and he said that yeah he'd spoken with her online and said he'd like some pictures of the kid and so she sent him some. It pissed me off so I told him again that if he didn't cut off all contact thenI'd leave with our son. So far he's done what I want but I have a feeling somewhere down the line he'll get in touch with her again and this will start all over.

Also now everyone (even some of my family) thinks I'm the one that's the bitch. He's the one that cheated and had a kid with someone else and yet I'm the bad guy. What would you have done?


Wow this post got so many replies. I know it's nearly a year old but I didn't want to have to reexplain it all again so I'll just update on here. Well my boyfriend and I got married last year and we are now expecting another baby. He still hasn't seen or talked to his child by the other woman. The child would be over 3 years old now. We're very happily married yet I still worry at times, mainly becuase the other child will start school next year. It will be going to the same school my son does.  What happens if he is up there picking up our son and sees the child or the mother? How should I handle that?




Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 9, 2012 at 4:31 AM
Replies (31-40):
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 9, 2012 at 5:04 AM


Quoting mommyto2gr8ones:

 Why do you want to be in a relationship you don't feel you can trust??  How long has it been since he originally cut off contact??  Are you planning on never forgiving this incident and not trusting him for the rest of your relationship??  Have either of you thought about having a paternity test done and finding out for a fact that it's his child??  I agree with the others that have posted this situation is not the other child's fault and therefore should not be "punished" by growing up without daddy around at all.  I wouldn't resort to calling you names though, I believe you are hurt and are reacting in fear.  HUGS, I hope you can find a way to heal.

The child will be 3 this summer. Don't really know if I will ever completly forgive him or not. As far as a paternity test both of them admit it's his child. She has offered to have one done to give me proof but honestly I don't want it done. To be truthful you can look at the child and tell it's my boyfriend's kid. The child looks just like him. I'm worred if he has solid proof them he will go to them and leave me.

briesmomisback
by on Apr. 9, 2012 at 5:05 AM
1 mom liked this
You and me both. Wow. That is fucked up. I would leave him no doubt but I would never deny him the right to see his child. Ever. And I would never make him choose. That is so fucking cruel.

Quoting Lindalou907:

I'm speechless.That's so cruel.


Quoting Rain2Rinse:

I can deal with a spouse who cheatED. I cannot deal with cheating spouse who fathers a child. It would be incredibly difficult for my partner to have a relationship with his bastard child, and with me. The child would not be allowed in my house if I was there, would not be able to know my child, would have to call my dhs cell phone instead of the house phone. It would be very difficult, and ultimately, he would have to make a choice.


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briesmomisback
by on Apr. 9, 2012 at 5:06 AM
3 moms liked this
I hope he does.

Quoting Anonymous:



Quoting mommyto2gr8ones:

 Why do you want to be in a relationship you don't feel you can trust??  How long has it been since he originally cut off contact??  Are you planning on never forgiving this incident and not trusting him for the rest of your relationship??  Have either of you thought about having a paternity test done and finding out for a fact that it's his child??  I agree with the others that have posted this situation is not the other child's fault and therefore should not be "punished" by growing up without daddy around at all.  I wouldn't resort to calling you names though, I believe you are hurt and are reacting in fear.  HUGS, I hope you can find a way to heal.

The child will be 3 this summer. Don't really know if I will ever completly forgive him or not. As far as a paternity test both of them admit it's his child. She has offered to have one done to give me proof but honestly I don't want it done. To be truthful you can look at the child and tell it's my boyfriend's kid. The child looks just like him. I'm worred if he has solid proof them he will go to them and leave me.

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GoneBad31
by on Apr. 9, 2012 at 5:06 AM
3 moms liked this

And if you have a nursing degree and you want this relationship to work, what is wrong with you paying the bills for a little while so he can go to school and build a better life for your family as a whole? Men do it all the time. I wouldn't do it after he cheated on me, but what you are doing is definitely wrong. Maybe he wouldn't have been so resentful toward you to the point that he cheated if you would have allowed him to have some part of his manhood.

Quoting Anonymous:


Quoting lasphrm517:

Is he a good dad to your son?  Because even though he sounds like kind of a jerk as far as boyfriend material, if he's a good dad...then I think it is very unfair to the other "kid" to deprive that child of knowing his or her father.  It isn't that poor baby's fault who his or her father and mother are any more than your son can help being his son too.  You know?  I wouldn't want her in our lives either...but like it or not your son has a half-sibling and it's not fair to the kids to not let them at least share their dad to whatever extent they can.  And if you're really worried about him continuing an affair with her, then you should give him the boot anyway.  Acting selfishly and threatening to take away his child isn't going to make him want you over her.

Oh he's a great dad to our son. He claims that part of the reason for the affair was that I'm controlling. He thinks because I have a nursing degree that I should work while he stays home with our son and goes back to school. I disagree It's his job as the man of the house to work. I figured he can work and maybe go to school part time. He claims I put to much pressure on him.


I am a *don't really give a damn what you think* and *couldn't care less how you discipline and feed your kids/babies* and *pro-mind your own business* type of mom. Oh, and a very devoted and loving girlfriend:)

briesmomisback
by on Apr. 9, 2012 at 5:08 AM
And God forbid that child gets an illness or something and dies. I would be so uncontrollably angry at my spouse. This is some fucked up shit right here. I never understood how a woman could do that stupidity if a man WANTS to be a father to his child.

Quoting Anonymous:

You are using your child to force him in a relationship with you and he will eventually hate you, he doesnt want to be with you now you are keeping him hostage by threatening him with your child, he will never be faithfull to you because he doesn't love you anymore your time will run out soon tick tock
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Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 9, 2012 at 5:15 AM

She (the other woman) has offered before to meet me somewhere neutral , like a park so that the kids could play. She's made it clear she doesn't want child support so I'm not worried about that She would like the kids to know each other. Like I said I don't want him leaving me and our son for her and their child (it's a girl by the way).

mommyto2gr8ones
by on Apr. 9, 2012 at 5:18 AM

 

Quoting Anonymous:

 

Quoting mommyto2gr8ones:

 Why do you want to be in a relationship you don't feel you can trust??  How long has it been since he originally cut off contact??  Are you planning on never forgiving this incident and not trusting him for the rest of your relationship??  Have either of you thought about having a paternity test done and finding out for a fact that it's his child??  I agree with the others that have posted this situation is not the other child's fault and therefore should not be "punished" by growing up without daddy around at all.  I wouldn't resort to calling you names though, I believe you are hurt and are reacting in fear.  HUGS, I hope you can find a way to heal.

The child will be 3 this summer. Don't really know if I will ever completly forgive him or not. As far as a paternity test both of them admit it's his child. She has offered to have one done to give me proof but honestly I don't want it done. To be truthful you can look at the child and tell it's my boyfriend's kid. The child looks just like him. I'm worred if he has solid proof them he will go to them and leave me.

 IMO, if he would rather be with them then maybe you would be better off letting him go.  I know people that are only together for the child and it's really sad.  Don't you want to be happy??  Are you ever going to be happy in this relationship if you can't forgive him??  Don't you want to be loved in your relationship??

ShannyLouisiany
by on Apr. 9, 2012 at 5:23 AM
1 mom liked this
you're wrong. the end.
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luvmymonkeys27
by on Apr. 9, 2012 at 5:24 AM
1 mom liked this

He was wrong to cheat on you, but you are wrong to try to keep him away from his child-- who didn't ask to be born into the circumstances in which he was. It's not this innocent child's fault that your boyfriend and this woman had an affair, and he deserves to know his father. I agree with your family.... you're being a bitch. I understand that you probably feel very insecure about your relationship and that you worry that your BF will cheat on you again, but if you chose to stay with a cheater then that's something you've got to deal with. Keeping a father away from his child because you're (rightfully) upset about the baby's conception is going to do nothing but foster resentment towards you. 

Also, I think it's horrible that you are using your child as a form of blackmail, as in: "Do what I want and what I say or I'll take our child away where you can't see him." Why would you want to stay with a man you have to blackmail to have him stay with you? This all sounds really unhealthy, for everyone involved. 

livnbyfaith
by Barbara on Apr. 9, 2012 at 5:24 AM
1 mom liked this
Why would you stay with him if he says the only reason he stayed was because of your son? I personally would let him go. What kind of marriage do you have if he don't want to be with you. Sounds like you are staying with him just to keep him away from her,and that want work. Plus if he does leave, you have no right to keep him from seeing your son, he is his dad. If he isn't abusing your child in anyway then you have no reason to keep his son from him. Just because you have no relationship with him does not mean your son doesn't need him in his life.
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