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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

DH does NOT appreciate me...Vent *Update

Posted by on Apr. 12, 2012 at 10:11 AM
  • 59 Replies

Seriously the man is driving me insane. We are moving and it was a last minute thing so I've had like a week to get everything ready so that it's all ready to load up and go tomorrow. Sunday DH said he would get up every day and help me before work because he works 4pm-2am. I know he's tired but we have a 3 month old so I have himto take care of too while trying to pack our whole apartment and packing. Well today I wanted DH to get up and help me with DS so I could get our laundry all caught up before tomorrow. That was a joke. I'm really sorry he's tired and I know it sucks but there's only so much one person can do and I feel like I'm at my breaking point. This has all been building anyways though. DH hardly ever helps with DS. He has changed 2 poopy diapers adding to his 5 total since DS was born. His mom has changed more. And I have NEVER had a day away from DS. And sometimes I get crabby when DS is fussy and DH gets mad at me. I feel really bad afterwards but it's like I wouldn't get like that if I EVER had a break. And I want to work part time and ga back to school but everytime I've looked for a day job DH says when am I gonna get to sleep if you get a day job? Whenever I give him to DH I come back 5 minutes later and he's in his chair. Like you can't hold him for 5 minutes. I'm a smoker also and DH gets up and has 3 cigarettes over the course of an hour after I've been up for 4 and still haven't had one. And now I've packed our entire apartment by ourself and now am working on laundry while keeping DS entertained. Plus we're moving in with his cousin till DH starts his new job and finds a place. Well his cousin influences him, like to party, and has NO respect for his fiance or women in general it seems like. I've already told him I won't tolerate it if he starts to act like that and forgets he has a family. I'm just getting so fed up and I've told him eventually if he's not gonna help me what's the point? This whole marriage thing is supposed to be a partnership but it sure doesn't feel like it.


*Update: So DH got up about noon and we went to the store together. My MIL came over today and is staying the night to watch DS tomorrow while we load the truck and on our 3 hour drive. Well we got to actually talk. I told him I knoww he's tired and I'm sorry but I'm exhausted too. And I love our DS to death but I need a shower once in awhile and just a breath sometimes. And if I'm going to live like a single mom anyways I can do it without him now. He told me when we move and he starts working days and I start working we're gonna get a new routine with a schedule where I get to be person again. And since I'll be living with my friends again I can have a girls night so I said then he can have a guys night. And since we will be able to afford extra stuff now when I need time I can go get my nails done or something. I told him well he better because I'm not going to live like this forever I'm just not. And this move and changes are either going to make it or break it. I need him to see everything I have to do and appreciate it. He said but I do appreciate you without you we wouldn't even be moving tomorrow. I then told him well then start acting like it and say thank you every once in awhile! This is his chance to do his part and the way he was acting I'm pretty sure he knows it.

by on Apr. 12, 2012 at 10:11 AM
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Replies (1-10):
lovinglife0682
by on Apr. 12, 2012 at 10:15 AM
1 mom liked this
He needs to realize that it is precious time with your child that he will never get back.
Caroline2010
by on Apr. 12, 2012 at 10:16 AM

amen! dh has changed maybe 5 diapers and my dd is 2! he never gives her a bath or dresses her! he never cooks or cleans! he thinks his job is to make money and im the home slave! but i got a part time job and he still expects me to do everything!!! i ve been putting up with this for 2 yrs and its taking a toll on us! i would talk to him about helping out more and see what he does! good luck!

pullen05
by on Apr. 12, 2012 at 10:19 AM

Amen is right! Like we're tired too we are up with these babies at night and during the day and cook and clean and work! I've talked to him and I've told him it's ruining us because he doesn't even acknowledge everything I do and how stretched thin I am and forget saying thank you! 

Quoting Caroline2010:

amen! dh has changed maybe 5 diapers and my dd is 2! he never gives her a bath or dresses her! he never cooks or cleans! he thinks his job is to make money and im the home slave! but i got a part time job and he still expects me to do everything!!! i ve been putting up with this for 2 yrs and its taking a toll on us! i would talk to him about helping out more and see what he does! good luck!


kryptomom
by Gold Member on Apr. 12, 2012 at 10:23 AM

It's common for men to stay away from lo's until they have verbal skills. Babies freak most men out.  5 diapers in 3 months is actually pretty good.

But your family is in a transition stage and he should step up.  I'd put the baby in bed with him when you need free arms.  Also, let him know exactly what you expect when you move.  "Don't forget you have a family" is not well defined.  Tell him how many nights out is acceptable per week, if any.

Caroline2010
by on Apr. 12, 2012 at 10:23 AM

i know! i dont even get a thank you for making his dinner and taking it to him while his sits in his chair and watches tv while dd and i eat dinner at the table like real people! ive said i was leaving several times but never did it! im close to my breaking point again! PM me if u ever want to talk! im here for u!

Quoting pullen05:

Amen is right! Like we're tired too we are up with these babies at night and during the day and cook and clean and work! I've talked to him and I've told him it's ruining us because he doesn't even acknowledge everything I do and how stretched thin I am and forget saying thank you! 

Quoting Caroline2010:

amen! dh has changed maybe 5 diapers and my dd is 2! he never gives her a bath or dresses her! he never cooks or cleans! he thinks his job is to make money and im the home slave! but i got a part time job and he still expects me to do everything!!! i ve been putting up with this for 2 yrs and its taking a toll on us! i would talk to him about helping out more and see what he does! good luck!




                           Loving mother to Caroline Pearl Sharpe born February 14, 2010!

Im a Exclusively Pumping, non vaccinating, non medicating, natural/home birthing, cloth diapering, sahm and im loving every minute of it!

           

jamtags
by on Apr. 12, 2012 at 10:23 AM
3 moms liked this

i have a cat for that


jshalas89
by on Apr. 12, 2012 at 10:25 AM
2 moms liked this
So a normal persons sleep schedule is anywhere from 6-8 hrs. If your dh gets home by 3 and doesn't have any time to help you because he is SLEEPING and then has to return to work then he's sleeping for a whole 12hrs!?? Just because people work graveyards doesn't mean that sleeping 12hrs is normal or okay. He needs to get his lazy fucking ass up and help you. It's all fine and dandy his job ends but yours NEVER does. That's not ok! Put your foot down and demand help or give him an ultimatum that you're willing to follow through with. I'm so glad I don't have this problem. We are given the partners we're given for a reason because please believe I would have lit a blazing inferno under his ass a LOOOOONG time ago!
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divinedimension
by Not Miss Cleo on Apr. 12, 2012 at 10:29 AM
Oh man, that work schedule sucks a man dry though..I know because my dh was a sommelier and worked that schedule for the past 8 years of our marriage. I got used to it I suppose. How old is your husband? How early or late does he get up? There are many variables in this but if being a dad is a first time experience for him and he is young please just give this some time. Men mature and improve as fathers and husbands later.
pullen05
by on Apr. 12, 2012 at 10:31 AM

Yes he thinks he has to get at least 10 hours of sleep. Then bitches he doesn't see us enough. While I might get 8 hours but lately its been more like 5 or 6 because I have to stay up after I get DS to bed to get something done! Thanks for letting me know I'm not just the huge bitch he thinks I am lol!

Quoting jshalas89:

So a normal persons sleep schedule is anywhere from 6-8 hrs. If your dh gets home by 3 and doesn't have any time to help you because he is SLEEPING and then has to return to work then he's sleeping for a whole 12hrs!?? Just because people work graveyards doesn't mean that sleeping 12hrs is normal or okay. He needs to get his lazy fucking ass up and help you. It's all fine and dandy his job ends but yours NEVER does. That's not ok! Put your foot down and demand help or give him an ultimatum that you're willing to follow through with. I'm so glad I don't have this problem. We are given the partners we're given for a reason because please believe I would have lit a blazing inferno under his ass a LOOOOONG time ago!


pullen05
by on Apr. 12, 2012 at 10:35 AM

He's 26 and he gets up at like 1 goes to work at 3:30 and he doesn't even always work till 2. The other night he was off by 11:30. But he's only been working these hours for 2 weeks and his new job is days. I thought he could suffer through just this one week like he agreed to. I have been trying but I'm a first time mom too and I'm exhausted also and I just feel like on the weekends I should be able to get at least a few hours to myself for my sanity.

Quoting divinedimension:

Oh man, that work schedule sucks a man dry though..I know because my dh was a sommelier and worked that schedule for the past 8 years of our marriage. I got used to it I suppose. How old is your husband? How early or late does he get up? There are many variables in this but if being a dad is a first time experience for him and he is young please just give this some time. Men mature and improve as fathers and husbands later.


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