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"Too busy for a Boyfriend"??!! ::UPDATE ON PG 7::

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So, a little back story, my SO and I lost our son at 19 weeks gestation just a little over 4 weeks ago, he died during birth, very tragic, very stressful, very sad. We started off fighting over our different ways of grieving but changed to smaller issues that we used to have at the beginning of our relationship (trust, clingy-ness, space, opposite sex friends, the normal). We have talked it out and figured we were arguing over the smaller things because it was easier to deal with those issues than for us to deal with our loss. 

Well, my anger and smart mouth got the best of me and I broke up with him during a very heated argument and he got onto a dating sight (MyYearbook) and started talking to a random girl that night. He said he started talking to her because his friends were not answering and he needed someone to talk to. We are back together but he still talks to her and thinks she has put him in the 'friend-zone'. They have never met in person and he wants to hook her up with one of our guy friends. She was all for it and so was the guy friend but I ruined that plan (my SO wanted to invite her and him over while I was not home....strangers in my house does not make me a happy camper. Just a territorial thing not because I don't trust him). We have been dating for about a year and a half and together exclusively for the past 8 months. He and I live together in my house with my 4yo daughter from my previous marriage. He doesn't have a car so he uses mine to get to work and since he doesn't have a bank account mine is the one used for direct deposit....Anyhow, him and this girl still talk/text and he has explained to her that he isn't interested in her like that, never was, and only wants to be with me. She told him that she understands and that it didn't matter if he was interested because she doesn't have time for a boyfriend, that she works too much and goes to school full time and is still hung up on her past 4 boyfriends.

My question is: Should I feel threatened by this girl? He has only known her for 2 weeks. Despite how they met I understand that in his eyes they are just friends, and I have even agreed to met her in a group setting. But I have used that line of "too busy for a boyfriend" to be able to get closer to a guy I was interested in without looking too pushy. Do you think she might have other intentions?

Thanks in advance for your input :)

by on Apr. 14, 2012 at 12:56 PM
Replies (31-40):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Apr. 14, 2012 at 5:01 PM
1 mom liked this

And she's "still hung up on her past 4 boyfriends"? 

Has she no other friends to turn to other than your SO (whom she met 2 weeks ago)? 

I think your SO should be able to understand why you're not happy about this other woman. I'd say, "Look, maybe I'm being jealous and insecure, but because of what we've went through lately, I'm just not happy about you chatting with this other woman. I think if the tables were turned, you'd feel the same way. For us to get back to a good place, I need you to help me with this. It would help me a lot if you would tell her that your SO has a problem with your friendship and you're going to have to end it." If he can't do that.... I'd really question whether he's worth it. I'd think that someone who really wants to be with you wouldn't want you to feel insecure. 

TigressLily
by Gold Member on Apr. 14, 2012 at 5:03 PM

If she was too busy for a boyfriend then why was she all for meeting your DH's friend until that plan was foiled?



Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Apr. 14, 2012 at 5:04 PM
1 mom liked this

She had "time" to meet his other friend he wanted to set her up with. 

She sounds like a skank to me. I can't stand women who don't respect boundaries. 

Quoting iluv2meow:

I find it interesting she has TIME for an online FRIENDSHIP but not a boyfriend......


Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Apr. 14, 2012 at 5:07 PM
1 mom liked this

What's with this woman?? 

There's always one, no matter what the thread. 

THANK YOU for your sacrifices, OP! 

Quoting turtlebear:

Yes, the $50 a month helps me out but it is not a paycheck I can live on. Once I finish my schooling I wont be volunteer anymore I will be a paid firefighter at the station I am with right now. 

Quoting NDADanceMom:

LOL you should work at another station.  Every single other station in the world pays the volunteer firefighters.  To the rest of the universe volunteer firefighters mean they are not on salary.  They only get paid for the calls they go out on.  =) tip for your story.  Makes it more plausible. 

Quoting turtlebear:

My ex doesn't pay child support at all and my 'live-in-lover' and I were dating for 9 months before he moved in here. I do work, I just don't get paid. I am a volunteer firefighter, which is what I am going to school for as well. Sorry me saving complete strangers lives on a daily bases and not getting any financial gain out of it makes me a non-respectable lady....

Quoting NDADanceMom:

If you want a man to take you seriously you dont shack up with him.  You have a child to be an example to.  If you are not ready to marry a man you shouldnt be living with him as your daughter watches.  You dont work and she sees you living off men.  Your x and your live in lover pay your way through life.  Why should your boyfriend respect you?  You arent a respectable lady. Sorry.  





turtlebear
by on Apr. 14, 2012 at 5:21 PM

I have had this exact talk with him. He has assured me that its nothing more than a friendship and that he doesn't even confide in her like he would a normal friend because she is always talking about her self, she calls and texts him just for advice on how to get her ex of interest back and needs a 'guys oppinon'. I feel like I can't push the issue too much much because we did just solve our fights and one of them was that he thinks I don't want him to have any friends especially females. Which is not the case his chick friends from before we were dating are fine with me and I have no problem with. I feel like he is using it as a test for me to see if I can instill more trust into him/our relationship. I'd rather let him find out on his own IF i turn out to be right. We have compromised that she will not be coming over or hanging with him without me around. He also hasn't been talking to her as much, but still.

Quoting Anonymous:

And she's "still hung up on her past 4 boyfriends"? 

Has she no other friends to turn to other than your SO (whom she met 2 weeks ago)? 

I think your SO should be able to understand why you're not happy about this other woman. I'd say, "Look, maybe I'm being jealous and insecure, but because of what we've went through lately, I'm just not happy about you chatting with this other woman. I think if the tables were turned, you'd feel the same way. For us to get back to a good place, I need you to help me with this. It would help me a lot if you would tell her that your SO has a problem with your friendship and you're going to have to end it." If he can't do that.... I'd really question whether he's worth it. I'd think that someone who really wants to be with you wouldn't want you to feel insecure. 


Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Apr. 14, 2012 at 5:27 PM

I understand your not wanting to make it into a huge deal-- who knows, it might fizzle on its own. (And nobody wants to be told what to do.) 

I'm right there with you-- I'd have a HUGE problem with this. I don't know that I could let it drop. I think it would eat away at me.

But, if you can try reverse psychology and say, "OK, honey, I love you and I trust you 100%. No worries." and then stop mentioning it... maybe a part of him enjoys seeing you jealous? 

This isn't to say that I'd trust the situation. I don't think I could. I might be tempted to install a keystroke monitor on his computer when he's not home just to see for myself how "innocent" it is. Who knows? Maybe you'll find out you have nothing to worry about. (I doubt it, but maybe.)

Quoting turtlebear:


I have had this exact talk with him. He has assured me that its nothing more than a friendship and that he doesn't even confide in her like he would a normal friend because she is always talking about her self, she calls and texts him just for advice on how to get her ex of interest back and needs a 'guys oppinon'. I feel like I can't push the issue too much much because we did just solve our fights and one of them was that he thinks I don't want him to have any friends especially females. Which is not the case his chick friends from before we were dating are fine with me and I have no problem with. I feel like he is using it as a test for me to see if I can instill more trust into him/our relationship. I'd rather let him find out on his own IF i turn out to be right. We have compromised that she will not be coming over or hanging with him without me around. He also hasn't been talking to her as much, but still.

Quoting Anonymous:

And she's "still hung up on her past 4 boyfriends"? 

Has she no other friends to turn to other than your SO (whom she met 2 weeks ago)? 

I think your SO should be able to understand why you're not happy about this other woman. I'd say, "Look, maybe I'm being jealous and insecure, but because of what we've went through lately, I'm just not happy about you chatting with this other woman. I think if the tables were turned, you'd feel the same way. For us to get back to a good place, I need you to help me with this. It would help me a lot if you would tell her that your SO has a problem with your friendship and you're going to have to end it." If he can't do that.... I'd really question whether he's worth it. I'd think that someone who really wants to be with you wouldn't want you to feel insecure. 



Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Apr. 14, 2012 at 6:01 PM

I agree with the pp's who've said that it seems weird that he is so into meeting her, even though things are good with you two, and she's going to be set up with a friend of his.  It's almost like he wants to be with her all under the pretense that he's really NOT with her since she's supposed to be with his friend.  I've seen this scenario before.

Why doesn't this guy have his own bank account?  It seems pretty risky to me if he's putting his paycheck into an account that has your name on it.   It's just not that hard to open your own account.  Why doesn't he have a car?  You seem to be the giver in this relationship, what are you getting in return? 

jjessers
by Ruby Member on Apr. 14, 2012 at 6:39 PM

If he's only known her ( I use that term loosely since they have never met) 2 weeks...yet won't stop talking to her... seems fishy to me. 

I do not , however , think you need to trust her. Can she really MAKE him do something he doesn't want to ? He's either going to cheat or he isn't . You just have to stand by the decision you have come to. Or tell him straight out that you don't want him talking to her because you feel very uneasy about the situation . 

turtlebear
by on Apr. 14, 2012 at 6:40 PM

 He can't open a new account because he accidentally over-drafted and has a bunch of fees that he needs to pay off before he can get his own again. His job only does direct deposit, only access he has to my account is that I give him the bank card only related to that account (I have a savings account and credit card he can't touch). He has a broken down car in my garage that he needs to rebuild the head before it can run. He wasn't working on it for awhile so we could save up for our baby.

Quoting Anonymous:

I agree with the pp's who've said that it seems weird that he is so into meeting her, even though things are good with you two, and she's going to be set up with a friend of his.  It's almost like he wants to be with her all under the pretense that he's really NOT with her since she's supposed to be with his friend.  I've seen this scenario before.

Why doesn't this guy have his own bank account?  It seems pretty risky to me if he's putting his paycheck into an account that has your name on it.   It's just not that hard to open your own account.  Why doesn't he have a car?  You seem to be the giver in this relationship, what are you getting in return? 

 

turtlebear
by on Apr. 14, 2012 at 6:46 PM

 he uses my computer when he needs to but he has 2 cells phones (one for work and one that's his) that He has now put passwords onto and wont tell me what the password is because me going through his phone is how I found out about this girl. He has added her on facebook and I have seen her pictures, she is not that pretty. I can play the mind-games but I don't feel like I should because we should be past that point in out relationship. I have a feeling it will fizzle out on its own I just don't know if she will try something before then.

How do I install a keystroke thing though?

Quoting Anonymous:

I understand your not wanting to make it into a huge deal-- who knows, it might fizzle on its own. (And nobody wants to be told what to do.) 

I'm right there with you-- I'd have a HUGE problem with this. I don't know that I could let it drop. I think it would eat away at me.

But, if you can try reverse psychology and say, "OK, honey, I love you and I trust you 100%. No worries." and then stop mentioning it... maybe a part of him enjoys seeing you jealous? 

This isn't to say that I'd trust the situation. I don't think I could. I might be tempted to install a keystroke monitor on his computer when he's not home just to see for myself how "innocent" it is. Who knows? Maybe you'll find out you have nothing to worry about. (I doubt it, but maybe.)

Quoting turtlebear:


I have had this exact talk with him. He has assured me that its nothing more than a friendship and that he doesn't even confide in her like he would a normal friend because she is always talking about her self, she calls and texts him just for advice on how to get her ex of interest back and needs a 'guys oppinon'. I feel like I can't push the issue too much much because we did just solve our fights and one of them was that he thinks I don't want him to have any friends especially females. Which is not the case his chick friends from before we were dating are fine with me and I have no problem with. I feel like he is using it as a test for me to see if I can instill more trust into him/our relationship. I'd rather let him find out on his own IF i turn out to be right. We have compromised that she will not be coming over or hanging with him without me around. He also hasn't been talking to her as much, but still.

Quoting Anonymous:

And she's "still hung up on her past 4 boyfriends"? 

Has she no other friends to turn to other than your SO (whom she met 2 weeks ago)? 

I think your SO should be able to understand why you're not happy about this other woman. I'd say, "Look, maybe I'm being jealous and insecure, but because of what we've went through lately, I'm just not happy about you chatting with this other woman. I think if the tables were turned, you'd feel the same way. For us to get back to a good place, I need you to help me with this. It would help me a lot if you would tell her that your SO has a problem with your friendship and you're going to have to end it." If he can't do that.... I'd really question whether he's worth it. I'd think that someone who really wants to be with you wouldn't want you to feel insecure. 


 

 

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