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I am not in love w/ my husband...

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When my husband and I first got together things were great. He was a great boyfriend and husband. After almost 3 yrs things have changed. 

We never have sex anymore. Hell we never even sleep in the same bed. He falls asleep on the sofa every night.

He never wants to do anything w/ me and our son. 

He never helps out w/ housework or anything. He comes home and sits on his ass and is on the computer all night.

We fight almost everyday. I have called him an asshole evryday this week. He ha been away since friday and I am not looking forward to him coming home. .

I stay because of our son. I dont want to put him through everything. I also stay b/c my MIL is crazy and I dont want her to have any time w/ our son. I can control it now but if my hubby has him I dont know if I can trust him to keep her away.

Now I know I am not perfect. The simple fact that I am talking to a guy I used to date is horrible. I know I may nag my hubby. I like things my way. 

I just want to cry.

by on Apr. 15, 2012 at 9:36 AM
Replies (161-170):
by on Apr. 17, 2012 at 12:34 AM
If you dont feel like it is, then its not. I left my safe for the unknown and it turned into a new wonderful life.

Quoting Lebeaglemom:

I dont even know if its worth trying anymore.

I think I married him only because he is safe. I always had a thing for the guy I used to date. I am just soo worried to leave my safe world and go to the unknown.

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by Member on Apr. 17, 2012 at 12:39 AM


by on Apr. 17, 2012 at 1:32 AM

I have been in that situation, only we did not have sex, nor would he speak to me for 3 yrs until I got tired and left.  What I found out is you have to make your own happiness.  Sex is important, but the strongest sexual organ is the brain.  Embrace abstinence for a while and if he feels fine on the couch, let him be and enjoy the bed.  Also, the guy that you used to date, there is a reason he was a "used to date".  This should be your time to find out what you really want without sex in the way. 

Concentrate on yourself and your son.  Find friends with young children and do things with them, like going to the movies, or flying a kite, etc.  Remember that #1 that child is your son, whether his father is there or not.  Your child deserves the best that you can give him!  God Bless You!

by on Apr. 17, 2012 at 2:34 AM
1 mom liked this

You both hurt and it seems like you both miss eachother very much. Your mommy duties take up your time along with work and he has his work. Time for eachother is Great, howEver if you are going to try to fix your marriage Stop talking to your ex. He is not going to help your marriage. If your husband wont sleep in your bed, sleep with him on the sofa, men want to be chased too just like us. Your son is your life so  maybe find something that your son and husband can bond over so he feels he has a little man to help him work like men should. So that way he's helping in a way watching your child. Try watching Fireproof with your DH Together!  The husband and wife deal with simlar obsticles in the moive.

by on Apr. 17, 2012 at 4:54 AM
I know exactly how u feel! It does suck and the only reason I stay is because I can't afford to live on my own. I have to kids and a horse who I consider a kid too. I know everyone would say sell the horse but he has health issues that no one else would deal with. Keep your head up girl! I hope it gets better for ya!!
by Bronze Member on Apr. 17, 2012 at 5:59 AM

I think that it's horrible N really sad you all are with you SO because of your kid's.......i can honestly say ......yeah my husband can be a really big asshole......He's a Contractor....all contractor's are!!!!! but were not still together because of our kid......there have been period's in our relationship before we got married we had issues.....with the not talking about your feeling's n bottleing them upo til you burst like a Volcano..........we both do we talk it out an try to meet somewhere in the middle.................i would give my husband 1 week to either sleep in the bed with me or sleep in a motel..........your choice!

by on Apr. 17, 2012 at 8:14 AM
Hugs! I understand how you feel...but consider, kids that grow up in stressful environments or are the product of an unhappy marriage have just as many, if not more, behavioral/emotional problems as children that grow up the product of divorce. You can file for sole custody with visitation rights for the father, but include as a term of the agreement that your MIL will not be involved unless you are present to supervise. I am in somewhat of a similar situation and I would rather go through a divorce while my kids are young and won't remember life before the divorce as well; I think (hope) it will be an easier adjustment for my boys (5 yrs and 6 mos). Good luck, hon! No matter what happens or what you decide, remember what a strong woman and wonderful Mom you are, keep your head up, and have faith! HUGS!
by on Apr. 17, 2012 at 9:31 AM

Talk to him and if it doesnt work then leave. I went though the same thing twice. The first time drugs were the issue with him and I stayed 17 years. The second time around I found out he was cheating. You can do things by yourself you really dont need a guy. and if you dont love him then dont stay for your kids . Can you talk to a friend other than a guy, cause thats  emotional cheating and I know you need some one to talk to . You can talk to one of us,like I said  i been there. Pray God does answer prayers.

by Member on Apr. 17, 2012 at 9:35 AM
1 mom liked this

I am going to go out on a limb here, in the hopes that you truly want advice on how to fix this situation.  

Think about how you have acted this week.  It's obvious you aren't proud of it.  Now, Would YOU want to have sex with you?  Are you the type of person you want to come home to?  Would you want to spend time with you?  Think about it and decide if you really blame him.  It sounds like you are more upset about how bad things have gotten then you are at him.  That's a good sign.  

YOU CAN FIX THIS!!  As the woman in the relationship, you have ALL the power.  The thing is, it's really hard for anyone to work up the effort to be loving and sexual toward someone who nags, yells, and calls names.  And sex is how men feel love in a marriage.  It's how they feel close.  

Don't leave.  You and your husband deserve a happy, whole family.  A large percentage of women who leave are not happier after a divorce.  Your KIDS deserve to have a two parent family.  That being said, they deserve parents who love each other.  The single most important thing a parent can do for their child, is to love the other parent.  

I have some suggested reading for you.  If you read these books and try the ideas for a while, I can pretty much guarantee that you can turn your marriage around and make it stronger.  Your husband is a man.  Men are very simple.  If you are loving toward him, he will change.  You said that he was great at first, that means he can be great again.  

In considering the impact this would have on your son, are you a SAHM?  If you are, then when you go back to work, your child loses both parents.  You have separated from your husband so he loses his father, and then he loses you to your job.  The impact on children is huge.  Even if the end result is that you and your husband are friendly roomates, it's worth keeping it together for him.  But this CAN be fixed.  You can do it.  And it's worth it.  You married him for a reason.  Start focusing on those reasons and make yourself someone you would look forward to coming home to.  You cannot fix him, but you can fix you and if you do, he will notice.  Really, truly, men are very easy to figure out.  I am praying for you.  

Love and Respect Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

The Five Love Languages Dr. Gary Chapman

Positive Personality Profiles Dr. Robert Rohm

The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage Dr. Laura

The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands Dr. Laura

Parenthood by Proxy Dr. Laura

by on Apr. 17, 2012 at 11:09 AM
I am with you. Our son is 8 and we been together for almost ten years we are supposed to get married the 30 the of November. I'm sometimes finding myself forcing to even like him. I've come to realize my son deserves both parents in his life but they should be happy. Not miserable because your child doesn't deserve to be around that environment. Its hard but I'm looking to leave. I'm 27 and looking forward not backwards
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