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I am not in love w/ my husband...

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When my husband and I first got together things were great. He was a great boyfriend and husband. After almost 3 yrs things have changed. 

We never have sex anymore. Hell we never even sleep in the same bed. He falls asleep on the sofa every night.

He never wants to do anything w/ me and our son. 

He never helps out w/ housework or anything. He comes home and sits on his ass and is on the computer all night.

We fight almost everyday. I have called him an asshole evryday this week. He ha been away since friday and I am not looking forward to him coming home. .

I stay because of our son. I dont want to put him through everything. I also stay b/c my MIL is crazy and I dont want her to have any time w/ our son. I can control it now but if my hubby has him I dont know if I can trust him to keep her away.

Now I know I am not perfect. The simple fact that I am talking to a guy I used to date is horrible. I know I may nag my hubby. I like things my way. 

I just want to cry.

by on Apr. 15, 2012 at 9:36 AM
Replies (181-182):
by on Apr. 18, 2012 at 7:46 AM

When its just me and our son we laugh a lot and we smile al the time. You can see the change as soon as my husband walks through the door.

by Member on Apr. 20, 2012 at 10:51 AM

It does not sound like you have a situation where your husband is an abusive drunk.  If things are tense between you and your husband, your son could be reacting to that.  Discord between parents is an enormous source of stress for children.  That being said, leaving is not always the best plan.  If you have already decided to leave and get divorced, then nothing we say will help.  But here is some information on the consequences of divorce for children.  In addition to this, there is tons more information out there.  

Quoting Lebeaglemom:

When its just me and our son we laugh a lot and we smile al the time. You can see the change as soon as my husband walks through the door.

  • Boys are more likely to react to parents' divorce with anger, academic problems, truancy, or aggressive behavior than girls, who may try to please adults by suppressing feelings.
  • Boys are more likely to suffer from depression when the father leaves the home, especially when a boy is not able to spend time with him consistently.
  • Boys may also lose connection with a mother because she must work longer hours to provide for the family and keep a home running.
  • Boys may assume blame for the break-up of a family.

  • Read more on FamilyEducation:

    Here’s are some statistics specifically about the effects of divorce on children…

    - Studies in the early 1980’s showed that children in repeat divorces earned lower grades and their peers rated them as less pleasant to be around. (Andrew J. Cherlin, Marriage, Divorce, Remarriage –Harvard University Press 1981)

    - Forty percent of children growing up in America today are being raised without their fathers. (Wade, Horn and Busy, “Fathers, Marriage and Welfare Reform” Hudson Institute Executive Briefing, 1997)

    - Teenagers in single-parent families and in blended families are three times more likely to need psychological help within a given year. (Peter Hill “Recent Advances in Selected Aspects of Adolescent Development” Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry 1993)

    - Compared to children from homes disrupted by death, children from divorced homes have more psychological problems. (Robert E. Emery, Marriage, Divorce and Children’s Adjustment” Sage Publications, 1988)

    That statistic is truly amazing, isn’t it? But let me continue on…here are are some more shocking statistics on the effect of divorce on children…

    - Children living with both biological parents are 20 to 35 percent more physically healthy than children from broken homes. (Dawson, “Family Structure and Children’s Health and Well-being” Journal of Marriage and the Family)

    - Most victims of child molestation come from single-parent households or are the children of drug ring members. (Los Angles Times 16 September 1985 The Garbage Generation)

    - A Child in a female-headed home is 10 times more likely to be beaten or murdered. (The Legal Beagle, July 1984, from “The Garbage Generation”)

    - The study of children six years after a parental marriage breakup revealed that even after all that time, these children tended to be “lonely, unhappy, anxious and insecure”. (Wallerstein “The Long-Term Effects of Divorce on Children” Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry 1991)

    Children of divorce are four times more likely to report problems with peers and friends than children whose parents have kept their marriages intact. (Tysse, Burnett, “Moral Dilemmas of Early Adolescents of Divorced and Intact Families. Journal of Early Adolescence 1993)

    - Children of divorce, particularly boys, tend to be more aggressive toward others than those children whose parents did not divorce. (Emery, “Marriage, Divorce and Children’s Adjustment, 1988)

    - Children of divorce are at a greater risk to experience injury, asthma, headaches and speech defects than children whose parents have remained married. (Dawson, “Family Structure and Children’s Health and Well Being” National Health Interview Survey on Child Health, Journal of Marriage and the Family)

    - People who come from broken homes are almost twice as likely to attempt suicide than those who do not come from broken homes. (Velez-Cohen, “Suicidal Behavior and Ideation in a Community Sample of Children” Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry 1988)

    - Children of divorced parents are roughly two times more likely to drop out of high school than their peers who benefit from living with parents who did not divorce. (McLanahan, Sandefur, “Growing Up With a Single Parent: What Hurts, What Helps” Harvard University Press 1994). Seventy percent of long-term prison inmates grew up in broken homes. (Horn, Bush, “Fathers, Marriage and Welfare Reform)

    - Following divorce, children are fifty percent more likely to develop health problems than two parent families. (Angel, Worobey, “Single Motherhood and Children’s Health”)

    - Of all children born to married parents this year, fifty percent will experience the divorce of their parents before they reach their 18th birthday. (Fagan, Fitzgerald, Rector, “The Effects of Divorce On America)

    I hope these statistics may eventually cause you (or your spouse) to seriously consider all the consequences of divorce before you make that final decision.

    Based on these statistics, it becomes obvious that children need stable, loving homes with both mom and dad. There is, of course an exception to every rule, and in this case it is households where abuse is taking place. Children should under no circumstances remain in an abusive atmosphere that is unsafe for them.

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