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You should just put it up for adoption!!!

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Question: Have you or anyone you love been in "the system"?


I have and my experience was good.

I have and my experience was bad.

I have and I had several experiences, both good and bad.

Someone I love has been and their experience was good.

Someone I love has been and their experience was bad.

I put my own child up for adoption and do not know their experience.

Neither I, nor any of my loved ones, have been in the system.

Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 322

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How many of you have been in "the system"? Either in foster care or you were adopted. Or maybe your spouse or someone else you love was. What were your (or their) experiences? Good, bad, a little of each?

I get soooooo tired of women saying that every aborted child should just have been put up for adoption, so I want an accurate picture of what "the system" is like today.  

by on Apr. 16, 2012 at 4:24 AM
Replies (161-165):
by Anonymous 16 on Apr. 16, 2012 at 7:03 PM

There is a huge difference between putting a child up for adoption at birth and being put in 'the system' later in life. Tons of people want to adopt a baby, especially those who can't have children of their own. Older kids, not so much. Especially if the adoption process is started during pregnancy, you could have the family picked out before the baby is born.

by Ruby Member on Apr. 18, 2012 at 11:45 AM

The thing is, as several posters have stated, it really is unfair to link foster care with abortion or with private adoption. 

When we were looking into private adoption, many agencies had vastly different rate structures for white (including hispanic and asian) children and black (including black/mixed) children.  They turned away many potential birth mothers because they could not find placements for their black or mixed race children. 

When we got into foster care, you really do see the underbelly of the system... I saw foster parents who took exceptional care of their foster children (I like to think I was one of these parents), and I saw foster parents who treated their foster children like unpaid servants, paychecks, or worse.  It's no excuse, but the caseworkers are underpaid, grossly understaffed, and overworked for the amount of crap they have to do.  The best of them do the best they can, but anyone who works in the system can tell at least one horror story about a foster family or a foster child or a case worker who was screwed up beyond belief. 

What kills me are the stories about a parent who leaves a child in a trash can because they can't bear the idea of someone else raising or possibly abusing their child (huh???).  A two year old died here last week, beat to death by his step father... who is now singing a sob story about how he "fell" and no way would he ever hurt the boy... and mom is moaning because her man is in jail...  that boy would have been better in the system, ya think?

by on Apr. 18, 2012 at 12:13 PM
I don't think adoption and foster care are the same things. I have several family members who were adopted at birth, and they all had very loving families, and were very happy. They were all adopted at birth. If you are planning to give a baby for adoption, you choose the family they go to, now days anyway. so its not like fostercare. I do feel for the birthmoms tho. the blogs I've read, its a pain that never goes away. when my grandma met her birth family, she was very happy she wasn't raised by them. They lived in poverty, lots of drama. My meema raised her with her whole heart. they are both wonderful women. My grandma went on to have 8 children. All of them have led happy productive lives. My mom goes on and on about her Meema. She sounds like she was amazing. i was little when she died. but I do remember my mom crying. My grandma cared for her in her old age.
by Silver Member on Apr. 19, 2012 at 7:34 AM
Quoting mcginnisc:

There is a HUGE difference in parenting and relinquishing and having your rights terminated. I HATE that adoption and abortion are linked together. They should not be linked at all. 

Most women that relinquish rights to their child NEVER contemplate abortion at is parenting that child or not parenting the child. Period. Abortion has never entered their mind. 

Children that are relinquished at birth are not in the system. I think this is where people get confused. The EWCA ( excpectant woman considering adoption) meets with an attorney or agency and then they meet prospective families and then THEY pick the family that will parent their child. Those children DO NOT go into the system. 

The children in the system have been removed from their home due to neglect or abuse. There is a huge difference in a child that has been relinquished at birth to another family and one that is removed from their home by the state. 

It also amuses me that people that have never adopted or have no plans to ever adopt have all of these ideals that prospective adoptive parents should be held to- ie- forced to adopt an older child, etc... 

Hi Clare
I am voluntary domestic infant adoptee, 1961. Mom signed surrender at birth. As a ward of the agency I did my first 5 1/2 months in Foster care. I always thought my mom had made attempts to get me back with the holdup going to an adoptive home. Nope. The agency told me it was practice back then to make sure the baby was healthy. Didn't want to give paying client damaged goods. :(
by Anonymous 17 on Apr. 19, 2012 at 7:36 AM
Right. Because polling cm will definitely give you an "accurate picture". LOL
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