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You should just put it up for adoption!!!

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Question: Have you or anyone you love been in "the system"?


I have and my experience was good.

I have and my experience was bad.

I have and I had several experiences, both good and bad.

Someone I love has been and their experience was good.

Someone I love has been and their experience was bad.

I put my own child up for adoption and do not know their experience.

Neither I, nor any of my loved ones, have been in the system.

Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 322

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How many of you have been in "the system"? Either in foster care or you were adopted. Or maybe your spouse or someone else you love was. What were your (or their) experiences? Good, bad, a little of each?

I get soooooo tired of women saying that every aborted child should just have been put up for adoption, so I want an accurate picture of what "the system" is like today.  

by on Apr. 16, 2012 at 4:24 AM
Replies (141-150):
by Anonymous 12 on Apr. 16, 2012 at 4:11 PM
Lots of family in the system and not many good experiences. One got adopted by her fathers mom eventually. Shes happy, so thats a positive story.
by Murdoc's Mistress on Apr. 16, 2012 at 4:13 PM

Ugh, my DERF moment. 

Quoting onethentwins:

lol Randi, I knew this, I wanted to hear her say it :D

Quoting randi1978:

The federal government gives bonuses to states who meet "adoption quotas".  So, it gives a little less incentive to reunite the family if the child is seen as a "hot commodity".

Quoting onethentwins:

I've heard of this but never heard it from someone who works with the kids. What is the motivation for SWs to keep adoptable kids from being returned to their parents?

Quoting Anonymous:

I work with kids in the system and a lot of it is horrible. If the child is "adoptable" then they will do anything to keep them away from the parents. If the child is not "adoptable" they will try to keep the family together at the expense of everyone involved. And when they can't? They warehouse the kids. I work as a child advocate trying to get the children reunited with their parents if at all possible and as long as its safe, no matter their adoptability. It is heartbreaking and horrible. I have seen social workers literally force parents into giving up their rights and others pushing for the kids to go back home when no one is ready....And the laws designed to either reunite the family or allow for adoption to keep kids out of the system? No one follows them...AT ALL!

by on Apr. 16, 2012 at 4:14 PM
My father was adopted by two of the best people in the world.
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by Anonymous 13 on Apr. 16, 2012 at 4:32 PM

My DH was in foster care for awhile. From what he told me, he was not abused, but it was not a good experience either.

I do know that he distrusts organized religion based on his experience in foster care, but he hasn't gone into details with me beyond that.

by on Apr. 16, 2012 at 4:56 PM

I was adopted by my grandparents when I was a toddler and was not told this until I was 15 years old.  I am now 27 and I have had so much confusion/sadness/hate for the fact that my enitre family lied to me for that long and that my biological parents decided 3 years after my birth that I wasn't worth keeping (those are my own words).  It hurts knowing that for some reason I wasn't good enough.  But the fact that my grandparents raised me as their own and gave me everything I wanted throughout my childhood makes it less painful. My biological parents had no business having kids, she was 16 he was 17.  They both had more kids after me and I realized they are still terrible parents and I am glad I had the upbringing I did have, minus the lie.  I still have issues with wanting to get to know my biological parents better, but they never had made any great effort to spend time with me so I'm trying to get over it. 

As an adopted child I am reaching out to those wanting to adopt and I say, just be honest throughout the whole process.  Adopted children are always going to be curious about "where" and "who" they came from, we are always going to wonder about the "what ifs"  but it's okay.  Just love them and raise them as you would a natural born child, but never keep them in the dark. 

by on Apr. 16, 2012 at 5:16 PM

My non biological sister was in foster care from around 8 to 16. It was not a good experience.

by on Apr. 16, 2012 at 5:29 PM

sorry, no experience here at all

by on Apr. 16, 2012 at 5:32 PM

 When I was 17 I got pregnant and me and the father were living in a shelter, we ended up moving into an apartment with another roomie.

That roommate was a crack head *we did not know at the time*

We found ourselves with barely any support. So We decided on Adoption.

We did an open adoption. Me and the father picked out the parents and met them. We have a 5 year contract that they are supposed to send us pictures quarterly/year. and have visits 4 times a year.

They are such nice parents,loving and finacially really well of. I see photos all the time and we connect through facebook often.

He is doing so good, he seems so happy and very much loved. He is the only grandson so he has all the attention atm. I've sent the mother pictures and Info about me , Because she is making a scrap book.

Its such a new thing this open adoption, It has been akward and we both havent figured out yet how we are going to go about the situation since I had my son in 2010.

But when ever my adopted out son wants to contact me or know anything about me he is surely welcome.

It was really hard for me to make this decision. But i do know that I made the right one. I hope he turns out good and knows that I did what I did because I loved him and wanted to give him the world when i couldn't.

I couldnt imagin just handing over my son and not knowing were he went or if he was alive.

I am interested in seeing this post.

by Anonymous 14 on Apr. 16, 2012 at 5:40 PM

My niece has been unfortunately. She was adopted by her foster family.

by on Apr. 16, 2012 at 5:46 PM
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