DH doesnt want a f*** buddy...EDIT

[Anonymous]

I can't have sex for medical reasons, I have horrible pain during sex and hubby gets mad at me for not being able to do it. I told him go find one of his single best friends to help him. He says no its my responsibility to have sex with him. No thosearent his exact words, but something slong this line...so we were arguing tonite again and I told him to go gvet his jollies elsewhere and stop stressing me out. He doesn't want ttto wait til they find out why I'm this way, he thinks I should do it either way.I told him flat out he can have a hall pass to get what he needs. Uhgh he's frustrating.
*thank you for all the responses. Yes I realize what I've said now that I've sat here and read all the posts. The fact that dh doesn't want to step outside makes me realize how much he does love and respect our marriage. While what he's said about sex was disrespectful, it was in the heat of an arguement and does not excuse it but I think he said it more out of frustration. As what I've said was out of frustration as well and seemed like a simple quick solution to our problem. I have been seeing the doc about my problem and hope to have answers soon since we are ruling out diagnosis slowly. I honestly don't think I would ever be okay with him stepping out even though I gave him the ok. I believe it would be something we both would regret and ultimately end our marriage. We are going to work thru this together. Some who gave simple solutions as well as oh just give him a bj or hand job or anal, well its not easy to be that intimate with someone given the way he did say the things he's said. To me if I'm not into it, regardless of its just getting him off he wouldn't be into it because he would know it would feel as a chore or as if I'm doing it just for him. When we do have any type of sexual encounter I love being into it knowing I'm making him happy. But let's admit were not always into it and my dh feds off of that and that doesn't sit right with him. He would never force me to do anything sexual to or for him if he knows I'm not up to it. To the ladies who gave me constructive advice thank you! To those who were rude well I'm glad I don't know you in real life!

[12345abcde54321]

"Also just because it is not pleasurable for you does not mean it is not your responsibility."
you did say that it was her responsibility, regardless of the lack of pleasure in it for her. 

i personally think that what her dh is doing is far more damaging to the marriage and is already biting him in the butt. who wants to please someone so self-concerned and well, mean!

Quoting bellanoelsmom:

I didn't say having sex is her responsibility, intimacy is the glue that holds a marriage together. I don't care how she does it but it should be done to keep both her and her husband happy. I personally don't enjoy giving oral sex but DF likes it so I try to do it to please him and in return he pleases me. Its about giving and receiving. My main concern is her lack of concern about this aspect of her marriage. It will bite her in the butt eventually.

Quoting 12345abcde54321:

yikes. i've never considered sex to be a responsibility.. what a turn off that would turn into.
if my dh ever told me that i should have sex in spite of pain i might never have sex with him again. it shows such a lack of respect and love - two things i require to get in the mood. and if i'm not in the mood, it's not happening.
if he was sweet and concerned about my pain, well then i'd do what you suggest PP - bjs and handyjs galore. but this dh deserves a hooker or his hand. 

Quoting bellanoelsmom:

I would be very careful sending him to another woman. Men sometimes feel like sex is love. You could easily loose him to the woman he has sex with. Also just because it is not pleasurable for you does not mean it is not your responsibility. Use your hands, mouth or a$$ if you have to but intimacy is very important in a marriage! You don't seem like you even want to be bothered with his needs. It just sounds like you are being lazy in your role as a wife because you don't find sex pleasurable. I would never tell my DF to go elsewhere, the thought breaks my heart. Your hubby may feel like you don't love him because you don't care who he is intimate with.

I am not trying to be rude, just think you should try harder.

[GomezMami2908]

Since BJ's have already been suggested, how about pocket pussies too? There are many things out there you're SO can try to relieve himself, and not cheat! 

Hall pass? WTF? That's such crap. 

I too agree, you are both wrong. 

[beerebelly]

 What are your medical problems?

[fireeyes81]

Maybe it is against HIS morals to go outside of your marriage for sex.  My husband could never do that.  He is a Christian and considers himself accountable to God, not me.  Since you can't have sex, maybe you could help him out in other ways...

[kemmerer411]

Quoting Anonymous:

Two words BLOW JOB

[Anonymous]

Are you serious?? There's no such thing as a hall pass in marriage. This isn't high school. Grow up! Your husband is nothing but a sex crazed child. What kind of man would want to hurt his wife and what kind of wife would, instead of having the balls to stand up for herself and body, decide to take the cowardly way out and cause more problems then you apparently already have.

[LadyFreeRider]

The fact that he doesnt want to step out on you, even if you are allowing it, should tell you that he loves you and wants only you. Alot of men would be estatic to have their wives permission to step out. Only a good man would be upset with the suggestion. He does, however, need to figure out a way to control his frustration. Stress will only make your medical problems worse. Is there anything you can do for him to satisfy his needs with actually having intercourse? It would probably help destress you both.

[NewDawnFades]

.If sex was that painful for me, my df would never dream of getting mad at me and telling me it's my responsibility to do it anyway. He wouldn't cheat, either. He'd be worried about me and concerned for my health. Sex is a part of marriage/relationships, but it's not the ONLY part nor is it the most important part. If I were you, next time he says that i'd tell him it's his responsibility to be supportive of you and understanding of what you're going through...and maybe if he was, you'd feel like trying to get the job done in other ways. I'd make sure I did it for df, but not if he was having that kind of hissy fit about it.

[ummsumulaiooh]

 for better or for worse  ,his hall pass should be to replace the lotion from doing himself he is not a 2 yr old throwing a tantrum for not getting his way ,and you are not his mother trying to pacify him tell him to strap on his big boy underwear and knock it off ,and take your titty out of his mouth he is a grown ass man ( or maybe leave it in ) whatever ! yall  should be going through this TOGETHER

[bellanoelsmom]

I think you are taking my words out of context. It is not like washing dishes but intimacy needs to take place for a happy marriage. If they divorce over it would she not be responsible for the break up? You can pick my words apart but I still believe sending your husband to another woman is wrong and she will regret it!

Quoting 12345abcde54321:

"Also just because it is not pleasurable for you does not mean it is not your responsibility."
you did say that it was her responsibility, regardless of the lack of pleasure in it for her. 

i personally think that what her dh is doing is far more damaging to the marriage and is already biting him in the butt. who wants to please someone so self-concerned and well, mean!

Quoting bellanoelsmom:

I didn't say having sex is her responsibility, intimacy is the glue that holds a marriage together. I don't care how she does it but it should be done to keep both her and her husband happy. I personally don't enjoy giving oral sex but DF likes it so I try to do it to please him and in return he pleases me. Its about giving and receiving. My main concern is her lack of concern about this aspect of her marriage. It will bite her in the butt eventually.

Quoting 12345abcde54321:

yikes. i've never considered sex to be a responsibility.. what a turn off that would turn into.
if my dh ever told me that i should have sex in spite of pain i might never have sex with him again. it shows such a lack of respect and love - two things i require to get in the mood. and if i'm not in the mood, it's not happening.
if he was sweet and concerned about my pain, well then i'd do what you suggest PP - bjs and handyjs galore. but this dh deserves a hooker or his hand. 

Quoting bellanoelsmom:

I would be very careful sending him to another woman. Men sometimes feel like sex is love. You could easily loose him to the woman he has sex with. Also just because it is not pleasurable for you does not mean it is not your responsibility. Use your hands, mouth or a$$ if you have to but intimacy is very important in a marriage! You don't seem like you even want to be bothered with his needs. It just sounds like you are being lazy in your role as a wife because you don't find sex pleasurable. I would never tell my DF to go elsewhere, the thought breaks my heart. Your hubby may feel like you don't love him because you don't care who he is intimate with.


I am not trying to be rude, just think you should try harder.