Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

DH is a Volunteer Firefighter and I HATE IT

Posted by   + Show Post

 My DH is a volunteer firefighter. Ever since he's started this, he acts like his firefighting is of the utmost priority, and I'm sick to death of it. He has to go to a training every Tuesday night and then pull one 12-hour shift a week. (He does have another job. One that PAYS HIM.)

So...

I'm 9 months pregnant and we planned months ago for him to have a free schedule for the last two weeks of April so that there was nothing in the way that he might have to cancel when I have the baby, and we agreed on him having 5 days off once I had the baby so I could kind of get back on my feet. He pulled his 12-hour shifts earlier in the month and told them he wouldn't be at the trainings for two weeks. All of a sudden, last week, he tells me that he's actually going to the trainings because they "might" do some kind of test on one of them. I was a little upset because this was something we had repeatedly discussed: no firefighting crap for this time, but oh well. Next thing I know, he tells me that he signed up for a class that's all day this Friday! WHAT?

Last night, he asked me: if I have the baby in the next couple of days, would I be upset if he went to the class anyway on Friday. And I said yes--yes I would. He let it go, and then maybe an hour later he flipped out on me that I'm horrible and selfish and ridiculous and "unsupportive." Unsupportive? He has gone to all of his firefighting crap for three years straight and I ask him for 5 days of support after I have our child, and he's trying to make me feel guilty and selfish for asking for it!

Is it me? Am I being ridiculous?

by on Apr. 16, 2012 at 10:47 AM
Replies (21-30):
jonellg
by on Apr. 16, 2012 at 11:00 AM

lol, yes there are many douches. All good guys sure but when I see someone with I'm a fire fighter stickers on their car, t-shirts and what not I giggle. I'm sure it's a little different on all volunteer departments. I have no idea how that works. DH has never been a volunteer or worked on a department with volunteers, he's always worked for the GOV. Or overseas.

I hope your husband finds something else, it's really impossible to make it a paying career.

Quoting VanWyzen:

 LOL, I think they're all douchey. The fire department that my DH is on is considered a volunteer department, as their only paid staff are like the higher-ups and I believe two actual firefighters. So pretty much everyone there is a volunteer. There are guys there who have been volunteering for 20-something years.

Quoting jonellg

I think volunteer FF's are douchey lol DH is a FF, the paid kind... And it always seems like the volunteers think they are the greatest thing ever but really if they were great they would be hired.

 


VanWyzen
by on Apr. 16, 2012 at 11:00 AM

 Maybe I should have specified that the class he's taking is "recommended" by the fire department, but it is in no way required or even affiliated with the fire department. It's yet another class on trauma, which he has taken several.  

Quoting Anonymous:

DH is a volunteer firefighter too. I will admit him running off in the middle of birthdays, Christmas mornings, and other important times does get old. I have to remind myself how his time may be saving someone else. He needs the training. He needs the certifications. He will be safer with all the training and certs. I may lose 4 hours with him while he fights a fire, but someone else is losing a home. He is helping save them and attempting to save their home. I may lose four hours with him, but he might be pulling a woman or child from a mangled car saving their lives. I rather him have the training and certs to do so safely. 

I can sacrifice those few hours because the people he is helping may be having a life altering experience.

 

Saille717
by on Apr. 16, 2012 at 11:02 AM

You're not being ridiculous, based on what you're saying.  There shouldn't be anything that would stop him from being there for the birth of your child.  I can see where he could attend something and be ready to leave if you call him that it's time.  It sounds like he's not being very supportive of you.  But sometimes things get heated and the yelling and crying starts and then nobody is communicating.  Have you said CALMLY to him that you've supported him in his FF quest so far, and plan to in the future, but that you want him to be with you for this milestone in your lives?  Are you usually supportive or are you usally just tolerating this?  

Best thing you can do is that two of you talk calmly about what you both want and support each other....compromise.  

auntietotty
by Ruby Member on Apr. 16, 2012 at 11:02 AM
1 mom liked this


Quoting jonellg:

I think volunteer FF's are douchey lol DH is a FF, the paid kind... And it always seems like the volunteers think they are the greatest thing ever but really if they were great they would be hired.


Some towns like ours of 900 people dont have the "paid kind"...volunteer is all we have so Im grateful. Ive seen them save many a house from ruin, go to wrecks, medical emergencies, wild fires, brush fires....

Ours dont think they are the greatest things ever...they are just doing what they like to do.  They all have fulltime jobs elsewhere, and do this on a volunteer basis.

DamianaFire
by Silver Member on Apr. 16, 2012 at 11:02 AM
He's being a jerk. he should stay home and help and support you and the new baby.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Apr. 16, 2012 at 11:02 AM
4 moms liked this

You are clueless when it comes to vff. My father, grandfather, great-grandfather, and dh are or were vff. Three os those 4 were paid ff. They also volunteered on ou local vfd. Currently in our district there are ff who volunteer who are paid in the next county over. We also have police officers and paramedics who are on our vff. They are not douchely, but thank you for insulting and showing your true colors. Those douchely men and women would drop everything to save you.

Quoting jonellg:

yes, DH has been a FF for 12 years. I know nothing on the subject. If he's not certified he's not doing shit. 

Quoting Anonymous:

You are clueless.

Quoting jonellg:

he's likely just gaurding the truck lol 

Quoting Anonymous:

DH is a volunteer firefighter too. I will admit him running off in the middle of birthdays, Christmas mornings, and other important times does get old. I have to remind myself how his time may be saving someone else. He needs the training. He needs the certifications. He will be safer with all the training and certs. I may lose 4 hours with him while he fights a fire, but someone else is losing a home. He is helping save them and attempting to save their home. I may lose four hours with him, but he might be pulling a woman or child from a mangled car saving their lives. I rather him have the training and certs to do so safely. 

I can sacrifice those few hours because the people he is helping may be having a life altering experience.





jonellg
by on Apr. 16, 2012 at 11:02 AM

You're right. I forget about those areas. It just seems like the super douches I meet decked out with "I'm a fire fighter" shit, are the guys who have no idea what smoke tastes like. KWIM?

Quoting Saille717:

There are more volunteers than paid firefighters in America because small town areas can't afford paid firefighters.  When an area only has a handful of actual fires a year, people aren't going to pay taxes to have firefighters, but they still need them.  And not all volunteers are douchey, though I do know what you mean.  Some of the newer ones and the younger ones have a tendency to be so gung ho that they're more dangerous than helpful.  You get that in ANY group of this kind, though.  


Quoting jonellg:

I think volunteer FF's are douchey lol DH is a FF, the paid kind... And it always seems like the volunteers think they are the greatest thing ever but really if they were great they would be hired.



stickyfingers
by Platinum Member on Apr. 16, 2012 at 11:02 AM
i understand...my ex was a corrections officer and i was "selfish" for asking him to switch to a job where he could be home more. a job at the same place but just with a better shift...you are not being selfshish you are asking for help. he is being selfish. im sorry...
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Kateverlasting
by on Apr. 16, 2012 at 11:02 AM

My ex-husband is a volunteer firefighter and it's one of the reasons why we got a divorce. In the beginning of our relationship in 2005, I was incredibly supportive and what-not to him volunteering. By the time our son was born in 2006, he had decided that hiding at the firehall was more important than spending time with his family. I get that all guys need to "get away" from the household, but Mon-drill Tues-meeting Wed-Truck check Thurs-Baseball game. And he'd be there until 11pm. So after working 8-5, he'd come home, eat, go straight to the firehall and not come home until 11-12 at night. How is that a family. His family believes that I was selfish and uncaring when I told him it was either me or the firehall at one point. I left because of domestic violence but even after our divorce, he's putting the firehall before seeing his son. If he has a meeting, instead of spending time with his son, he'd go to the meeting. Even if he doesn't see our child only a couple days out of the week. He's lost jobs because he's called in to many times to go on fire calls or flat out quit jobs because they refused to let him leave for a call. It gets disgusting, don't let it consume your life. 

jonellg
by on Apr. 16, 2012 at 11:03 AM

yes I'm a judgemental asshole, it's ok I own it.

Quoting Anonymous:

You are clueless when it comes to vff. My father, grandfather, great-grandfather, and dh are or were vff. Three os those 4 were paid ff. They also volunteered on ou local vfd. Currently in our district there are ff who volunteer who are paid in the next county over. We also have police officers and paramedics who are on our vff. They are not douchely, but thank you for insulting and showing your true colors. Those douchely men and women would drop everything to save you.

Quoting jonellg:

yes, DH has been a FF for 12 years. I know nothing on the subject. If he's not certified he's not doing shit. 

Quoting Anonymous:

You are clueless.

Quoting jonellg:

he's likely just gaurding the truck lol 

Quoting Anonymous:

DH is a volunteer firefighter too. I will admit him running off in the middle of birthdays, Christmas mornings, and other important times does get old. I have to remind myself how his time may be saving someone else. He needs the training. He needs the certifications. He will be safer with all the training and certs. I may lose 4 hours with him while he fights a fire, but someone else is losing a home. He is helping save them and attempting to save their home. I may lose four hours with him, but he might be pulling a woman or child from a mangled car saving their lives. I rather him have the training and certs to do so safely. 

I can sacrifice those few hours because the people he is helping may be having a life altering experience.






Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN