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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

The Bio Father Wants His Name Changed Update 6/18/12

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 145 Replies

I have two children. My oldest is not my fiance's biological child. We met when I was pregnant. The biological father skipped states a week after I told him I was pregnant. He was "happy" there was someone to raise and support my oldest because he "couldn't" (wouldn't is more like it). I keep him in the loop out of kindness, because he didn't care much otherwise. Would call every few months. That's about it. Baby was born and my fiance signed the birth certificate. Again, there was no issues from the Bio father. 

I don't mind the bio father being gone because he was toxic anyway. I conceived my child in a toxic place filled with drugs. The bio father still does drugs, and illegally. He also has custody issues with his other children's mothers. Apparenly they're all "cracked out" over there. Bio father smokes weed (no license, not medical) every single day. He's been high while taking care of children. Etc etc. (just showing you his character).

Over two years have now passed. Bio father calls once every couple months. Makes promises to send a birthday gift or a Christmas gift, or some type of money. I never push the issue because he's a liar and my son wants for nothing anyway. To this day have not received anything from said man. All of a sudden he posts on Facebook (ugh, that stupid dreadful website) that he's going to contact a lawyer and push for his rights and get "his" son's name changed. Mind you, he's still half the country away, with no hopes of returning. 

Our original agreement was verbal. He can come see my child, call my child, visit with him and etc whenever he wanted. As long as he never pushed to have the rights enforced. He agreed. Now, all of a sudden, after two years, he says he's upset that my child does not have his last name and that he is not on my child's birth certificate. When he was fine with it two years ago. 

I know he can legally push for his rights. I am not intending for him not to be able to have communications with my child. I am just hoping he can't change my child's last name. Isn't it too late for that? The child has grown up with this name and knows his name. 

If it helps, I'm in Texas and bio father is in Oregon.


***UPDATE***

Ok here's what we decided to do:

Based on the Texas Abandonment laws, we have decided that if he pursues this, after establishing paternity we will file abandonment and have his rights terminated. 

I quote our laws as follows:  

"

The court may order termination of the parent-child relationship if the court finds by clear and convincing evidence that the parent has:  


Voluntarily, and with knowledge of the pregnancy, 
abandoned the mother of the child beginning at a 
time during her pregnancy with the child and 
continuing through the birth, failed to provide 
adequate support or medical care for the mother 
during the period of abandonment before the birth 
of the child, and remained apart from the child 
or failed to support the child since the birth;"

http://library.adoption.com/articles/grounds-for-termination-of-parental-rights-texas.html


UPDATE:

He sent me an email that says:

"Talked to a lawyer today they will be getting ahold of you soon for a paternity test"

Oh joy.


UPDATE 5/7/12

I have heard diddly squat from him or his "lawyer" about anything. How long does it generally take for a lawyer to contact someone in a case like this? Still waiting...


UPDATE 6/18/12

Still nothing from him or his "lawyer." I got a "Happy Mother's Day" Text from an unknown number on Mother's Day. I replied "Thanks! Who is this?" With no response. Well I recently made a fake fb account and added him quite a while ago. I screen shot all the shit he says about weed, and hurting people, etc etc. I hadn't logged onto that one in a while, so I logged on  yesterday. Saw he posted a new number (to someone else). I saved it to my phone. Well was going through deleting texts and saw one from him on Mother's Day. He was the "unknown" texter. Stupid ass. Anywho, I doubt I'll hear from him or his "lawyer" anytime soon. 

I do find it funny though, that this all started when I he told me he'd send my son a birthday gift and some money with his taxes to "help out" with him, and I asked about it over a month later (twice. a few weeks apart) with NO response. Apparenly he got upset I was asking about the money and bday presents that he offered me. *snort* What a douche. LOL.

Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 19, 2012 at 6:18 PM
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Replies (1-10):
wrensong
by Pagan Mother on Apr. 19, 2012 at 6:26 PM
3 moms liked this

 He can sue for and possibly get visitation. If drugs are an issue, ask the court for drug testing and supervised visits.

As for changing the name, I don't think that he can make you do that.

However since someone else signed the birth certificate he is going to have to prove he is the father, meaning he will have to pay for a paternity test. Legally your DF is the father right now.

And remember talk is cheap and anyone can say anything...It takes money to come from Oregon to Texas, money for a place to stay, food ect while fighting a court battle and money for a lawyer.

Do you really think he will do any of that??

jonellg
by on Apr. 19, 2012 at 6:28 PM

there's nothing he can do about it

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 19, 2012 at 6:30 PM

I'm not sure. I will be honest here, I got with him after a devastating breakup and miscarriage. My then boyfriend had cheated on me while I was in the Hospital and I came home to find another woman in my home. He thought I was going to be in the Hospital a while longer. So bio dad was really a rebound and he knew it. 

I have no issues with him having supervised visitation. Honestly none at all. My main concern is him trying to run away with my child or changing his name.

I know he has no money. So I don't know how promising these "lawyer threats" are.

Quoting wrensong:

 He can sue for and possibly get visitation. If drugs are an issue, ask the court for drug testing and supervised visits.

As for changing the name, I don't think that he can make you do that.

However since someone else signed the birth certificate he is going to have to prove he is the father, meaning he will have to pay for a paternity test. Legally your DF is the father right now.

And remember talk is cheap and anyone can say anything...It takes money to come from Oregon to Texas, money for a place to stay, food ect while fighting a court battle and money for a lawyer.

Do you really think he will do any of that??


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 19, 2012 at 6:30 PM

Why? Because he's in another state?

Quoting jonellg:

there's nothing he can do about it


skyelyns_mommie
by Gold Member on Apr. 19, 2012 at 6:31 PM

I think he is talking out his ass. but this is my opion btw. like wrensong said all that takes time and money and if your ex is anything like  mine he is all talk and no action. but if he dose i would bring it up in court the drug testing asap. good luck mama

jonellg
by on Apr. 19, 2012 at 6:32 PM

No because he would need a lawyer and I highly doubt a deadbeats going to hire one. As for the name, there is literally nothing he can do about it. It's done.

Quoting Anonymous:

Why? Because he's in another state?

Quoting jonellg:

there's nothing he can do about it



wrensong
by Pagan Mother on Apr. 19, 2012 at 6:33 PM
1 mom liked this

 He is probably just running off at the mouth....

IF he files court papers, find a good lawyer, or call legal aid. If you have any proof of drug use, keep it. Stalk the hell out of his FB and screen shot anything he says that can be used against him. Keep any texts or e mails.

Also write down every time you can remember that he sent bday or xmas stuff and how often he has paid child support and called or visited the child. (this will show inconsistencies in his parenting)

Other than that don't stress over something that may not happen

Quoting Anonymous:

I'm not sure. I will be honest here, I got with him after a devastating breakup and miscarriage. My then boyfriend had cheated on me while I was in the Hospital and I came home to find another woman in my home. He thought I was going to be in the Hospital a while longer. So bio dad was really a rebound and he knew it. 

I have no issues with him having supervised visitation. Honestly none at all. My main concern is him trying to run away with my child or changing his name.

I know he has no money. So I don't know how promising these "lawyer threats" are.

Quoting wrensong:

 He can sue for and possibly get visitation. If drugs are an issue, ask the court for drug testing and supervised visits.

As for changing the name, I don't think that he can make you do that.

However since someone else signed the birth certificate he is going to have to prove he is the father, meaning he will have to pay for a paternity test. Legally your DF is the father right now.

And remember talk is cheap and anyone can say anything...It takes money to come from Oregon to Texas, money for a place to stay, food ect while fighting a court battle and money for a lawyer.

Do you really think he will do any of that??


 

Life in a Pagan Family (my blog)
http://lifeinapaganfamily.blog.com/
paulswifey11
by TashaL on Apr. 19, 2012 at 6:33 PM
Bc the birth cert was signed by your df

Quoting Anonymous:

Why? Because he's in another state?

Quoting jonellg:

there's nothing he can do about it


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 19, 2012 at 6:35 PM

He is not on my fb friend's list. Should I add him? 

He's not sent nary a thing. Ever. Not a single penny nor card. He's promised via text many times though.\

And thank you.

Quoting wrensong:

 He is probably just running off at the mouth....

IF he files court papers, find a good lawyer, or call legal aid. If you have any proof of drug use, keep it. Stalk the hell out of his FB and screen shot anything he says that can be used against him. Keep any texts or e mails.

Also write down every time you can remember that he sent bday or xmas stuff and how often he has paid child support and called or visited the child. (this will show inconsistencies in his parenting)

Other than that don't stress over something that may not happen

Quoting Anonymous:

I'm not sure. I will be honest here, I got with him after a devastating breakup and miscarriage. My then boyfriend had cheated on me while I was in the Hospital and I came home to find another woman in my home. He thought I was going to be in the Hospital a while longer. So bio dad was really a rebound and he knew it. 

I have no issues with him having supervised visitation. Honestly none at all. My main concern is him trying to run away with my child or changing his name.

I know he has no money. So I don't know how promising these "lawyer threats" are.

Quoting wrensong:

 He can sue for and possibly get visitation. If drugs are an issue, ask the court for drug testing and supervised visits.

As for changing the name, I don't think that he can make you do that.

However since someone else signed the birth certificate he is going to have to prove he is the father, meaning he will have to pay for a paternity test. Legally your DF is the father right now.

And remember talk is cheap and anyone can say anything...It takes money to come from Oregon to Texas, money for a place to stay, food ect while fighting a court battle and money for a lawyer.

Do you really think he will do any of that??


 


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 19, 2012 at 6:36 PM

Yes, but he cannot ask a court to change it?

Quoting paulswifey11:

Bc the birth cert was signed by your df

Quoting Anonymous:

Why? Because he's in another state?

Quoting jonellg:

there's nothing he can do about it



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