I want him to tell his wife now!UPDATE 6 nothing big
4 years ago I made an agreement with my best friend. He'd let me have his baby and he'd help take care of it if we NEVER told his wife. I thought it was a great deal because I was 33 and no suitable husband in sight and my bio clock was ticking. But financially i wasnt ready to raise a baby alone. He had kept up his end of the deal but the more I hear about his miserable marriage the more I want his wife to know about our DD. I want him to be a family with us. He has no kids with his wife. I need ideas to help her find out the truth.
Update. He called this morning like he always does. And confirmed he will be over tonight to see me and dd. I'm going to make the lasagna he loves and after dd goes to bed i will try to bring up the idea of him and me and dd as a real family. I don't know how to do it so ill have to just go with what feels right at the time.
Update 2. So he came over for dinner and he noticed something was up almost immediately. Thats the kind of connection we have. After DD was asleep we went in the bedroom and I just blurted out how I'd been feeling and what I wanted and he just sat there for a moment looking spaced out. And then he said thats what hes wanted for a long time but I just seemed so happy with what we had. I cried and he held me, then we ended up making love for a very long time, so long that he called his wife and said he wouldn't be home. He stayed the night and got up with DD so I could sleep a little. Then we both left for work. But now I haven't heard from him all day. I'm trying not to to freak out because this isn't like him. I really hope he's ok.
Info added since people can't be bothered to read replies. He owns his own business and has family money so it is easy for him to give DD the money she needs every month without the wife noticing. The business is the reason shes used to him being gone a lot. Running a business is a 24/7 job. What she doesnt know is 2 years ago he hired a right hand man who takes care of a lot so he can spend time with us. Again, he has no kids with his wife.
Update 3. By midnight I was thinking about just showing up at his house because I had only gotten one text from him telling me he would call me later. Then nothing. I couldn't sleep at all so I was watching a movie when he called. He sounded like death and just asked if I was awake and he'd be over shortly. I wanted to throw up. 2 hours later he shows up drunk and holding a bag and his work satchel. He didn't say anything at all to me he just went to the couch and laid down, telling me he didn't want to talk right now. I ended up taking half a sleeping pills because I wanted to go into the living room and shake him. In the morning I got up and he was up with dd eating breakfast. I asked him if the bag had his clothes and he said yes, but didn't say anything else. Then he left for work.
Update 4. He came home and didn't say anything, just went right to putting DD to bed. After she was asleep he said Ok we need to talk. Those words made my heart sink but then he took my hand and said he didn't tell her why he was leaving, or about dd, just that he wasn't happy anymore and he wants a divorce. She said she knew they werent as hapoy as they had been but didn't understand why he was givig up. Then he packed some of his things and came to my house. On his way over she texted that she thinks shes pregnant and he's 100% sure she was just saying that to get him to come back. She's never wanted biological children. But he got so pissed off he went out drinking and didn't want to bed in my bed drunk so thats why he slept on the couch. He says he thinks its a bad idea to jump from a marriage into a serious relationship with me but with us already having a child he knows there is no real way we can NOT be serious. He is also wortied about his feelings being stronger than mine which I admitted worried me too. He wants to stay here for a trial period to see how it goes. If either of us are unhappy we agreed to be honest before it destroys our friendship and ability to co-parent. He is bringing more of his stuff after work. Sorry it took me a while to update but I was emotionally exhausted last night and had to work today until an hour ago.
Update 5. This morning, at breakfast, DD asked if daddy is living here now. She will be three next week(I think of her as three so that's why I've been saying she's 3). I wasn't expecting such a question from a 3 year old and it really caught me off guard. I looked at her daddy(my SO now?) and raised my eyebrows. He said Yes sweetie, daddy lives here now. She said yippee and did a happy wiggle in her chair. Then she asked if we could have a party with cake and I said maybe. She got up to use the potty and I followed to make sure she did it right, but I stopped for a second to ask him why he told her that. He said he IS living here so what's the problem. Hey, what do you think the problem is! Now she thinks him being here is a forever thing! What if it's not? He said I should be positive unless I have a reason not to.
Update 6. Yesterday we spent the day as a family and also bought a new mattress since he hares mine. In the evening his mom watched DD(yes shes always known about DD) and we had our first real date ever. We went to dinner and a movie, it was really nice. We had a lot more to talk about than I thought. During the movie he snuck in a little hand holding which surprised me and reminded me of being a teenager. Sorry no big drama update. I dont think he plans on telling his wife what was really going on but he's filing for divorce monday.