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Is it cheating....

Posted by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 1:14 AM
  • 73 Replies

 Let's say your spouse has advanced alzheimers. He doesn't remember that he's married to you, most of the time. Because of the advances stage of his disease, he requires round the clock care that you cannot provide and you put him in some kind of care facility.

While in the facility he "connects" with another patient, and they begin to have a romantic and sexual relationship.

Is it considered infidelity?

Would you move him to another facility, or leave them be?


by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 1:14 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Grumpylilpixy
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 1:15 AM
1 mom liked this

Leave them be and allow him to have some happiness while he can remember.

jlynnf
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 1:15 AM
that disease is a terrible, terrible thing and i feel so sorry for any family that has to experience it.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Apr. 25, 2012 at 1:16 AM
1 mom liked this

leave them be, it's very common in nursing homes especially between alzheimers patients. It isn't as though they are going to return to the home and return to who they were. Sad, but nothing can really be done

mamaistheword87
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 1:16 AM

YES.  Not honoring marital vows is cheating, mental illness or not. 

Schleetle
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 1:16 AM
1 mom liked this
If he truly was unaware of being married anymore I can't expect him to honor a commitment he doesn't remember exists. Legally speaking it would still be cheating I guess. I would also wonder how long is his connection with the new patient going to last? I'd assume his mind would mix things up with her as well.
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ramonafrog
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 1:16 AM
3 moms liked this
Cheating involves deceit. If a person has no idea what they're doing I'd say no, it's not cheating.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Apr. 25, 2012 at 1:17 AM
9 moms liked this
Sounds like you were watching last weeks Grey's Anatomy episode....
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Apr. 25, 2012 at 1:17 AM

If he didn't remember who I was I'd probably be getting me some on the side also. I'd still visit him and care about him, but a mush brain isn't really my cup of tea. Let him get some while he's able to remember it a little.

SarahLizyB
by Gold Member on Apr. 25, 2012 at 1:18 AM
First off, if my husband or I ever got that disease, we have come to an agreement to kill ourself before it got to bad. But let's say we don't, I don't think it would bother me that much.
prenatalRN
by Gold Member on Apr. 25, 2012 at 1:18 AM

Many if not all alzheimers  units allow spouses to live there too even if they are healthy....

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