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e-mail I sent to DH

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 10 Replies

I need you around the house more.  It feels like we are slipping back to the way things were before you went to rehab and neither DD or I deserve that.  You made me a lot of promises.  I don't want to see you destroy your life.  You were given a second chance.  Your 90 days are up and you are no longer working crazy hours.  It is time for us to come together as a family.  That means we all do things together, we eat dinner together, and we do things that we may not want to do because the rest of the family wants to do it.  You don't have to like everything you do.  But I can't sit here and watch you go back down the road we were on before.  It isn't fair to any of us.  We all went through a lot to get you sober.  Things were much better when you got home and now things are going back to the way they were.  We really need you at home with us.

 

Also...I know you think dance is a waste.  But there are a lot of advantage and benefits to it.  It is not all about the three minutes on stage.  It is about working towards a goal, teamwork, fitness, and participation.  If she keeps with dance it can help her get into a good school.  She can do dance team in high school and get a scholarship. 

 

I know the people at the legion are your friends...but we are your family.  We have stood by you through all kinds of stuff.  We will continue....but we need your help in that.  You have to think about us when you make decisions.  I take everyone into account when I make a decision. 

 

I love you and I want what is best for our family.  I don't want to see you throw the rest of your life away.  You might think it is boring to hang out at the house...but we can find things to do as a family.  This kind of stuff is important to DD and me.

 

Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 25, 2012 at 10:15 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Apr. 25, 2012 at 10:50 AM
Good luck!
PurpleGlitter84
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 10:52 AM
Wouldn't sitting down and
Saying these things to his face be effective?
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AmesGirl
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 10:52 AM
I'm sorry youre having a tough time. I will send positive thoughts your way. Stand firm, be strong. He needs a firm love or he wont push to be better.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Apr. 25, 2012 at 10:53 AM

Good luck with that.  Have gone through this exact same thing plenty with my own dh.  I've written countless letters exactly like this.  Then things change for about a min.  Then back to the same.  Hope it's better for you.

ColieO
by Emerald Member on Apr. 25, 2012 at 10:53 AM
Just wondering why you couldn't have had this conversation in person.
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Momma3830
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 10:54 AM
Very well put. If that's how you truly feel.

Maybe talking to him in person along with that email, will help him understand.
Good luck to you & your family.
*I praise you for trying to keep your family together. :)
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 25, 2012 at 10:56 AM


Quoting PurpleGlitter84:

Wouldn't sitting down and
Saying these things to his face be effective?

You would think.  But he gets all defensive no matter how I put it.  Then he gets mad and tries to turn it around on me and I don't get to say everything I need to say.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Apr. 25, 2012 at 10:57 AM


Quoting PurpleGlitter84:

Wouldn't sitting down and
Saying these things to his face be effective?


Speaking from my own experience I would say no.  The letter is more effective because it allows him to sit and absorb the words and their meaning without feeling trapped by the emotion of the actual person.  Alot of men in this situation will shut down when face to face but can accept truth and even criticism more readily when he doesn't feel cornered.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 25, 2012 at 10:58 AM


Quoting ColieO:

Just wondering why you couldn't have had this conversation in person.

Because he gets defensive no matter how I try to put it, gets mad, tries to turn it around on me and I don't get to finish getting what I need to out.

TigOlBitties
by Platinum Member on Apr. 25, 2012 at 10:59 AM
The letter is a good idea. I've done it several times when forced to discuss serious issues because my SO is one of those who interrupts and gets your mind off what you are trying to discuss. With a letter, you can get everything out on paper and he can decipher it how he wants and then discuss his side. Effective.


Quoting Anonymous:



Quoting PurpleGlitter84:

Wouldn't sitting down and
Saying these things to his face be effective?

You would think.  But he gets all defensive no matter how I put it.  Then he gets mad and tries to turn it around on me and I don't get to say everything I need to say.


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