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I Miss My Husband.

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 1 Replies

I'm married. Have been since 2007. We separated in 2008. Apparently he felt "forced" into the marriage. We were still on and off again (if you can call it that in a marriage) for the next year and a half. Until I became pregnant during one of the "off" times. He said he wanted to get to know the kid. Didn't mind being a stepparent, etc. He was also having sex outside of the marriage and forming relationships. During the "off" times, we do not consider that "cheating" at all. Well he left again shortly after (He's military) and I heard nothing from him for months. I saw on a website that he was back with the woman he was with before he came home. He was with her when he was home and we had sex. I didn't know. He broke it off with her after we had sex, apparently, but got back together with her once he went back to her country. 

So I moved on. I was four months pregnant and needed to get my stuff together to support my soon-to-be unborn. I was set up on a blind date a few months later by a mutual friend. I was hugely pregnant by then. 7 months. We hit it off. He knew my stituation and turns out he was in the same situation, although they had already taken steps to start the divorce process. I hadn't. Divorce was always talked about among my husband and I. We just never took the steps to do it. 

Anyway, as soon as I told this man I'd be with him, who calls asking for another chance? My husband. How I love this man. But I wasn't about to be his doormat anymore. I told him I was with someone else and I was not going back to him. He got upset. Very upset. He didn't speak to me for another year. And when he did, it was to ask about divorce. Well I finally got the divorce papers together. (I was waiting on him because he was out of the country and wanted to look into it himself). I have since had another child who will be a year old soon. I just met with my husband last week to go over and sign papers so I can file them. He did. But he also said this is no what he wanted to do. He wanted us back to how we were, kids and all (he had a child also. She's due soon). As we were leaving, he gave me a hug and told me he loved me. 

That was hard. I wanted to run to him and be with him and everything else! But I thought of my children and their father. How they deserve to be happy. And how I could never hurt the man who saved me. How I loved him too. It made me think on the way home. I have come to the realization that I'll never stop loving my husband. Ever. Because I'll always see him as the man I fell in love with. But I could never be with him again because of how he has changed. I have moved on. I'd love to go back and do it over and take the right steps, but then again, I love what I have now and will never let them go without a fight. It's a catch 22. 

After everything is filed and taken care of and we are divorced, I'll never see or talk to my husband again. I'm okay with that. He just brings back so many past emotions that are not healthy for me or my family.  But, I do still miss him. Or rather, what he was.

Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 25, 2012 at 11:35 AM
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bmack2107
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 11:40 AM

Wow. I don't know what to say sorry, and good for you at the same time! It's hard to leave someone you love... but you were strong! You had given him several chances to go back to the man you fell in love with. Hope things are going great with your family, and stay that way!

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