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Would you have your child confront their abuser?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 23 Replies

Ok so here is the deal.  My 9 year old DD is extremely smart.  She has tested off the charts on every standardized test she has ever taken.  She is very logical and dissects just about everything that is said to get to the bottom of it.  She wants to know how and why everything is the way it is.  Most of her teachers have said she is scary smart.

Now here is where we have an issue.  When she was four she was molested...and in a lot of ways it is like she is still 4.  She wets the bed, colors on walls, tests boundries, gets into things, and can just be a nusaince.  She hoards food, has meltdowns, and stuff like that.

She has been with different therapists since then.  She has been checked physically for the bedwetting.  She has no idea why she does these things.  It is very frustrating.  We have talked to child psychiatrists, therapists, and tried all kinds of stuff.

We have tried different forms of discipline and postitive reinforcement.

I am at a loss.  We can't go to just any therapist with our insurance. 

This new therapist has suggested her confronting her molestor who was her 14 year old cousin.  He is now 19 and out of jail.  He has a no contact order and is not allowed anywhere near us.  So we would have to get permission to even do this.  I really have no desire to ever see him or hear from him again.  I also have doubts as to whether confronting him will even help her. 

Any ideas? Suggestions?  Anything like that?  Because at her age she should have outgrown a lot of this stuff.  She is too freakin smart to act the way she does.

Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 25, 2012 at 3:40 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 25, 2012 at 3:46 PM
Bump
GreenEyePixie
by Platinum Member on Apr. 25, 2012 at 3:51 PM
2 moms liked this
Intelluctual maturity is way different than emotional maturity. My son is 4 intellectually but barely 2 emotionally ( he has mild autism).

Emotionally your daughter might be stuck at that age, because she cannot work past it. Have you tried letting her get everything out via either writing, drawing, or even yelling. Seems something has her stuck and until that is resolved, she might not move past it.

I wish you lots of luck though.
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amomynous_j
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 3:52 PM
2 moms liked this

i am NOT a therapist, but it sounds insane for him/her to suggest a FOUR year old "confronting" a 19yr old.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Apr. 25, 2012 at 3:52 PM
2 moms liked this
Having her confront her molester sounds like a terrible idea.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 25, 2012 at 3:54 PM


Quoting amomynous_j:

i am NOT a therapist, but it sounds insane for him/her to suggest a FOUR year old "confronting" a 19yr old.


She is 9.  It happened when she was four and she has been stuck there emotionally ever since.  Despite muliple therapists and approaches. 

DixieL
by Ruby Member on Apr. 25, 2012 at 3:55 PM

As young as she is I think it would do more harm than good right now. She is too young to go through that. The only thing I can think of is just going through what is happening with her. Hopefully it won't be too much longer. If she doesn't outgrow it soon then take her back to the doctor. It's really disgusting that these bastard's only have to spend a little time in jail, then they go back to their own life. It's not like it hurt them. I'll pray for her and GOOD LUCK

amomynous_j
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 3:56 PM


Quoting Anonymous:


Quoting amomynous_j:

i am NOT a therapist, but it sounds insane for him/her to suggest a FOUR year old "confronting" a 19yr old.


She is 9.  It happened when she was four and she has been stuck there emotionally ever since.  Despite muliple therapists and approaches. 

OH! my bad. =(

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 25, 2012 at 4:12 PM


Quoting amomynous_j:


Quoting Anonymous:

 

Quoting amomynous_j:

i am NOT a therapist, but it sounds insane for him/her to suggest a FOUR year old "confronting" a 19yr old.


She is 9.  It happened when she was four and she has been stuck there emotionally ever since.  Despite muliple therapists and approaches. 

OH! my bad. =(

No problem...

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 25, 2012 at 4:18 PM

bump

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Apr. 25, 2012 at 4:21 PM
I was a very intelligent child, but I had a problem with bed wetting until I was almost 11. I had been fully potty trained at 13 months old, but when my mom married her first husband and beat the crap out of us, I started wetting the bed - often. As soon as she left him it stopped. Once I wasn't scared anymore, as soon as I didn't fear for my life or my mom's life, when I finally felt safe - it stopped. I don't know if that's how she feels (that it will happen again), I'm just sharing my experience. Idk if it will help. But good luck, momma.
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