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My Confession: Daycare is better with my kids than I am ETA in Blue

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Yep - I follow their lead all the time.  We're first time parents, and we both work full time so our kids go to daycare.  Our daycare is awesome.  The ladies are so nice, the place is run military tight as far as regs are concerned, and there's a really good mix of old grannies and young baby burpers, lol.  My girls come home doing stuff I didn't know they could do (or at least, do that well) and I know that they work with the kids daily.  They took the girls off bottles before we did.  We (DH and I) had them in high chairs til we learned they can sit at a little people-sized chair and table...so we went out and got it.  It's a good experience, and I'm glad that my girls are there.

Do you ever take advice/follow the lead of your caregiver?


ETA

Thanks for all the input and words of encouragement.  I'll never feel "sad" that I have a great team of people to help guide my kids!  Daycare workers/ teachers/ family are PARTNERS in parenting. 



by on Apr. 27, 2012 at 10:06 AM
Replies (211-220):
KairisMama
by Emerald Member on Apr. 29, 2012 at 5:29 PM

Daycare has been a very positive experience for my kids. My mom MIGHT watch my kids when the next school year comes, but even then I may still have my son go to a 2 yo program two half days a week, just for the peer interactions. Mom won't be one to set up play dates. :P

4girlsmum
by Silver Member on Apr. 29, 2012 at 7:20 PM

You were a minimum wage transitory worker. YOUR words. I can assume by that you weren't qualified to do anything else.

Yet it seems as though these people who aren't qualified to do anything else are perfect for providing care for your beloved children.....



Quoting Tea4Tas:



Quoting 4girlsmum:


 


Quoting Tea4Tas:


 


Quoting 4girlsmum:


 


Quoting Tea4Tas:


 


Quoting 4girlsmum:


 


Quoting Tea4Tas:


 


Quoting 4girlsmum:


 


Quoting Tea4Tas:


 


Quoting 4girlsmum:


 


Quoting Tea4Tas:


 


Quoting 4girlsmum:


 


Quoting Tea4Tas:


 


Quoting 4girlsmum:

Oh I'm sorry then, you're right, people should not assume that if 2 parents work fulltime that their kid spends more time in daycare than at home. I am sure that MOST kids do though. Drop off at 740am, pick up at 6 pm, then 2 hours at home before they go to bed, usually spent taking care of dinner baths dishes homework, tons of QUALiTY time there, (eyeroll). I only know because I have worked in many a daycare.



 

You worked at many a daycare, and can't see the difference between a sitter and a daycare? Really?


You dont see the difference between being in a house, and being ina daycare? the difference betweenone person for 4 infants, and one person for one child (or two)?


I am sorry you couldn't find one job you could stay at. Must have been tough looking for job after job after job.



Couldnt possibly have anything to do with being in a military family and moving from place to place........I am sorry you feel guilty, and the need to attack anyone who thinks it's sad that a kid is in daycare.


I think it's  sad you need to attack parents who work for a living. Oh by the way in all of these many daycares...where were your children?  Did you leave them home alone?


And YOU are exactly why my children never set foot in a daycare..the quality of the workers in many cases, and the transitory nature of so many of those workers.


How did I attack working parents?  And I never worked once I had kids, quit when I was 8 months along with my first.  I would not have had kids if I could not be there child care provider.



By saying daycare is raising their children. Do you home school?  Because if you don't then teachers are raising your children.


And if you do-God help your children!


There you go again, you have no argument so you just resort to insults.  Come on.


So do you homeschool? Or not? If you don't, then by your own arguement, the teachers are raising your children. If you do, you really need to find someone more qualified than a minimum wage worker to teach your children.


Again, BIG gap between daycare and elementary school, and the fact is that the level of education for a homeschooling parent is not an issue, the main issue is the level of parental involvement, which there is no higher involvement than homeschooling.....the reason kids whose parents have college education do well in school is because their involvement is typically much higher than those whose parents dont have college degrees.  That being said, since you have no idea my level of education, you are in no position to speak on my qualifications. 



You were a minimum wage transitory worker. YOUR words. I can assume by that you weren't qualified to do anything else. It doesn't seem like you did it out of love of the job..and you dont know when to use a possesive.


Oh and there is NOT a big gap between daycare and school. MOST daycares have a "school" component in the older years.  If you learn to read at 4 in daycare you are being raised, and if you learn to read at 4 in public school you are not?  BOTH of my daughters went to school at 4.


Dont you just wish you could have put them in an institution while they were still in the womb?  Would have been much easier for you if someone else gave birth to them as well, huh?  Maybe they could learn some social skills while still developing their internal organs......and yes I remember you had a "sitter", you did not put them in the evil daycare (which you so adamantly promote)??



I vastly prefered that my children not be with people like you-ya know the transitory minimum wage daycare worker who looks down on working Moms as not raising their children.


My oldest just made Deans Scholar at college and is graduating with a 4.0.  I am not too worried about her development!


Did you just make a crack about adopted children? Seriously?


Talk about a lack of reading comprehension skills. LOL  You better brush up on yours if youre going to critique other's. 


Would have been much easier for you if someone else gave birth to them as well, huh?


Oh and the institution comment? Funny coming from someone who worked in an "institution" -which is what you seem to consider any form of other care!


 


I would have found the incredibly offensive if I had adopted my children due to infertility. 


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Tea4Tas
by on Apr. 29, 2012 at 8:48 PM


Quoting 4girlsmum:


You were a minimum wage transitory worker. YOUR words. I can assume by that you weren't qualified to do anything else.

Yet it seems as though these people who aren't qualified to do anything else are perfect for providing care for your beloved children.....



 

No, as I said MY care provider had a degree in education, and she was there for 20 years-and she sure as hell was paid more than minimum wage! At one point  I was paying her 30K a year.

CoolRelax
by Platinum Member on Apr. 30, 2012 at 7:28 AM


Quoting MotherLodeBeth:

Guess I wonder why have children if YOU dont want to raise, care for them? Are they more a hobby? Or did you think it was expected that you have children?  Am thinking of all those parents in the 1800's early 1900's who worked at home and yet never had day care.. Sure they had mothers, grandmothers who helped with wise advise when asked. But think of some woman in the rural west, a days ride from another neighbor or town.  Sometimes I think modern women/mothers have it so easy yet complain so much.


I wasn't complaining - what gave you that idea?  The ladies who work at their daycare are excellent.  Also, you may feel that a woman's job is only to care for her children.  That's cool, but it's not at all how we live.  We have kids because we wanted them. 

On a side note - thanks for not being anon!

CoolRelax
by Platinum Member on Apr. 30, 2012 at 7:34 AM
1 mom liked this


Quoting j9latulippe:

 I am a daycare provider and it really encourages me when I read posts like this.  Sometimes parents are too busy to really show their appreciation and I understand.  I don't know how you do it all, work full time and then deal with kids and the house! This helps me remember the positive influence I can have on the kids and that my job is really helping someone out.  Thanks for posting. 


No problem, moms who need/want daycare are appreciative of good help.  Bad daycare (or just the thought of bad care) is nerve racking.  Having a place you can trust just makes life easier. 

Dang, now I feel the need to get the ladies who work in my kids' room a treat or something, lol.

CoolRelax
by Platinum Member on Apr. 30, 2012 at 7:53 AM


Quoting eneed1566:

My ex MIL was like this. She would do this almost the exact opposite as if in spite of me. Her excuse always was, well I let my kids do that and they turned out just fine. I would talk to my husband, at that time, about it and he'd say that's what grandparents are for is to spoil the kids. I disagreed saying if they are going to help us raise our kids while he worked out of state for weeks ate time and I worked than its different than an occasional visit to see them. I finally told her that if she didn't start following my rules than she wouldn't be watching my kids. These are my kids and this is how I want things done. If you cant respect me enough to do this than you simply won't keep them. I explained that spoiling them occasionally is fine but my kids have rules in my house and you're only punishing them because they aren't learning what's right an what's wrong consistently. And of course I would come out as being the bad mommy. She finally quit although in sure she didn't like it. As for the OP, when my kids were in daycare when I moved after the divorce they were awesome to them! A good daycare is hard to find and they tend to open kids up to new things and educate them in so many ways I never could. You're lucky you found such a great one.


Quoting ilovemykids732:

Well, yes but she will sit there and scream at me and DH because we are parenting our DS wrong... its totally unjustified!!


Quoting CoolRelax:

 


Quoting ilovemykids732:


my MIL is our sitter... ds is 18 months, has no bottle at home anymore... but at their house he still does... he has his pacifier at bedtime... there? all day... I do NOT take her advice for anything... She thinks time out should be in his playpen... thats where he plays when I am busy... [down stairs doing laundry and such] he has a time out chair... so in closing... no i dont listen to anything she says :)


sarcasm


Well, if MIL is the sitter, you should at least be getting a hefty "family" discount right?  If that's the case, as long as she keeps him safe I'd forget about it....you can re-train him later, lol.

 



My mom is the one guilty of spoiling.  She gives them all kinds of things that they NEVER see at home - cheese puffs, pizza, french fries, bacon (!) - it used to really bug me and DH.  Lets them stay up late eating junk food, playing with her cell phone and watching the Lifetime movie channel.  But she'll also get down and play with them for hours, holding them and kissing them.  Fortunately she only watches them when we have date night, which is rare lol.

CoolRelax
by Platinum Member on Apr. 30, 2012 at 8:12 AM


Quoting itsm3:

OP: pay no mind to those women who bash you or insinuate that you don't raise your kids.   i really had no idea some women were so against daycare as to go so far and hint that you're a bad mom, a lazy mom for putting your kids in daycare/preschool etc etc until i came onto CM.  whatever happened to parents supporting eachother regardless of the (differing) parenting styles?  i guess that doesn't exist on here.  

every single person i know works - both parents or single parents - which means someone else is watching their kids during the day.  no one i know has the luxury of staying home; in my city, the standard and cost of living is high so both parents have to work in order to be financially stable.   in my circle, this is considered normal and we don't judge because we are all know that parents do what they can to do right by their kids.   believe or not, some people like to work *gasp*! .  everyone i know has worked hard to get their careers on track and will resume once they feel ready to go back to work.    this in no way defines what type of parent you are.  we all try to achieve that balance between work life and home life; no one can fault you for that.

just because you put your kids in daycare does not mean you are less of a mother and shame on all of you who say otherwise!  

I agree with this whole heartedly. I didn't even know this many SAHM's existed until I got on CM - or that for some reason working moms are doing it wrong, lol.  Growing up my whole neighborhood would roll out by 7:30am and it's the same with my neighborhood now - we're all going to work, lol.  Nobody - not grandma, mom, aunties, NOBODY stayed home, you'd have a whole crew of country ass women calling you lazy, lol.  And yes, where we are the cost of living is high as well, 2 incomes is the norm.  For the women in my family staying home was not going to work for 2 reasons:

1) Providing for the kids in the future is important.  2 incomes keeps the family comfortable, the kids in a safer neighborhood and that college fund stocked.  If you can do that on one income great, but around here most of us need 2.

2) As a woman, always have your own money.  If you never need it that's great.  But if you DO need it, you have it. 

CoolRelax
by Platinum Member on Apr. 30, 2012 at 8:25 AM


Quoting 4girlsmum:

Oh I'm sorry then, you're right, people should not assume that if 2 parents work fulltime that their kid spends more time in daycare than at home. I am sure that MOST kids do though. Drop off at 740am, pick up at 6 pm, then 2 hours at home before they go to bed, usually spent taking care of dinner baths dishes homework, tons of QUALiTY time there, (eyeroll). I only know because I have worked in many a daycare.


Quoting Tea4Tas:

 


Quoting 4girlsmum:

She says they both work fulltime so anyone would assume that the kids spend more time in daycare than at home...... Maybe YOU should read it again



Quoting Tea4Tas:


 



Quoting Anonymous:



Ok.  This made no sense whatsoever.  Reading comprehension skills...yeah, that's the issue.



Quoting Tea4Tas:



 



Quoting Anonymous:



How sad.  Sounds like you are glad that the daycare spends more time teaching them and parenting them than you do.




Too  bad your Mom never helped you with your reading comprehension skills. Or logic.



You probably would have benefited from a quality child car e  situation-so sorry you didn't get one ; (



I hope you do better for your little ones. Wouldn't want to continue the cycle of ignorance!







Yes reading comprehension. NO where in the original post is how long her twins go to day care mentioned.  OR that they teach and parent more. You simply made that shit up-or you can't read..which is it?



By the way would you like to see some studies on how children who go to high quality pre schools and or daycare do BETTER in school?




I worked  40-50 hours a week and my ex worked 40 hours a week when I was married. My kids went to daycare from 8:30-2:30   30 hours a week.  So, clearly it is possible for 2 people to work fulltime and have more time at home with the kids than at work.  


 

Hey 4girlsmum: I'm replying to you, thanks for not being anon.

Wait a sec, while I consult my calculator, lol.  There are 168 hours in a week.  40 of them are spent at daycare.  The remaining 128 are spent with us.  Even if you subtract the time that we're asleep (roughly 56 hours) they still spend at least 72 waking hours with us, which is almost twice as much time as they spend in daycare.  The idea that daycare kids see the workers more than they see mom and dad is just not accurate.  We're fortunate that the daycare is very close to my husband's job, and the weekdays are pretty much split 1/3-sleep, 1/3 daycare, 1/3 with us.

And if you could see my house right now, you'd know I have not been squandering precious time with my littles by cleaning, lol.  When I really need to clean I take off work a little early.

4girlsmum
by Silver Member on Apr. 30, 2012 at 8:41 AM


Quoting CoolRelax:

 

Quoting 4girlsmum:

Oh I'm sorry then, you're right, people should not assume that if 2 parents work fulltime that their kid spends more time in daycare than at home. I am sure that MOST kids do though. Drop off at 740am, pick up at 6 pm, then 2 hours at home before they go to bed, usually spent taking care of dinner baths dishes homework, tons of QUALiTY time there, (eyeroll). I only know because I have worked in many a daycare.


Quoting Tea4Tas:

 


Quoting 4girlsmum:

She says they both work fulltime so anyone would assume that the kids spend more time in daycare than at home...... Maybe YOU should read it again



Quoting Tea4Tas:


 



Quoting Anonymous:



Ok.  This made no sense whatsoever.  Reading comprehension skills...yeah, that's the issue.



Quoting Tea4Tas:



 



Quoting Anonymous:



How sad.  Sounds like you are glad that the daycare spends more time teaching them and parenting them than you do.




Too  bad your Mom never helped you with your reading comprehension skills. Or logic.



You probably would have benefited from a quality child car e  situation-so sorry you didn't get one ; (



I hope you do better for your little ones. Wouldn't want to continue the cycle of ignorance!







Yes reading comprehension. NO where in the original post is how long her twins go to day care mentioned.  OR that they teach and parent more. You simply made that shit up-or you can't read..which is it?



By the way would you like to see some studies on how children who go to high quality pre schools and or daycare do BETTER in school?




I worked  40-50 hours a week and my ex worked 40 hours a week when I was married. My kids went to daycare from 8:30-2:30   30 hours a week.  So, clearly it is possible for 2 people to work fulltime and have more time at home with the kids than at work.  


 

Hey 4girlsmum: I'm replying to you, thanks for not being anon.

Wait a sec, while I consult my calculator, lol.  There are 168 hours in a week.  40 of them are spent at daycare.  The remaining 128 are spent with us.  Even if you subtract the time that we're asleep (roughly 56 hours) they still spend at least 72 waking hours with us, which is almost twice as much time as they spend in daycare.  The idea that daycare kids see the workers more than they see mom and dad is just not accurate.  We're fortunate that the daycare is very close to my husband's job, and the weekdays are pretty much split 1/3-sleep, 1/3 daycare, 1/3 with us.

And if you could see my house right now, you'd know I have not been squandering precious time with my littles by cleaning, lol.  When I really need to clean I take off work a little early.


168 hours a week-77 spent sleeping=91

91-50 hours at daycare 730am-530pm (the vast majority of working parents are 8-5pm)

leaves 41 hours at home, usually spent getting ready in the morning, or making dinner, or giving baths, or just maybe you take a few moments to yourself when you get home, because youre SPENT from giving your all at work the whole day.

Those extra 50 awake hours during just one week are really not important though. (eyeroll)

alwayskk
by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 8:46 AM

I love my kids daycare/preschool center. My kids started going after my divorce when I was still in school and job hunting. Honestly, I owe them a million because I was in such a deep depression when all of that was going on, I don't know what I would do without them. We are moving soon and the kids will have to change daycares and I am going to do something really nice for them.

**DISCLAIMER**THIS POST IS NOT AND SHOULD NOT BE INTERPRETED AS AN ATTACK ON CAFEMOM, ITS RULES OR ITS MEMBERS, OR COMPLAINTS THEREOF. THIS IS JUST AN GENERIC QUESTION ABOUT LIFE AND PEOPLE IN GENERAL. THANK YOU.

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