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Oh my twisted sense of humor. DON'T OPEN IF EASILY OFFENDED!!

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DON'T SAY YOU WEREN'T WARNED!!! I think this is hilarious.
*Disclaimer- Momof2gingers is not actually going to do this. So don't start screaming CPS. You might wake your kids up and wish for the lullibinator :)



Innovative Baby Products
Posted at: 2010-05-19 00:11:41
Original ad:
LARGE CRIB WANTED
I need a large(tall) crib for my 9 month old. The crib I have right now is too small - he keeps climbing out! I need a crib that is too high for my baby to get out of it. Please respond with pictures. Contact Julia @ ********@verizon.net

From Me to ********@verizon.net:

Hey Julia,

I may have the perfect crib for you. It is a very large crib that has some features to prevent your baby from escaping. Please let me know if you are interested.

Thanks,

Mike

From Julia ******** to Me:

How big is it? Do you have any pictures of it?

From Me to Julia ********:

Julia,

It is very large. As I said, it has modifications to prevent escape. The entire top perimeter of the crib has been reinforced with a metal frame that is connected to a car battery. When someone tries to escape the crib, they will be given a gentile electric shock, which will discourage them from attempting to climb out of the crib again. The price includes a 12 volt car battery, but a higher-voltage battery can always be purchased, depending on how fat your child is. Here is a picture of the setup:



I am currently using the crib for one of my friends who happens to be a midget. He tends to frequently get drunk and violent, so we put him in this crib when he starts getting belligerent. The battery works great for keeping him in, so I am assuming it will work great for your child. The only reason I am getting rid of it is because the midget was recently arrested for arson, so he won't be around for a while.

I have something else that you may be interested in as well. Are you tired of waking up in the middle of the night to the sound of your baby crying? With this clever device, you won't even have to get out of bed to calm your baby.



It is a little mobile that I invented called "The Lullibinator." Simply hang it above the crib, and the microphone will detect when the baby is crying. If the crying reaches a certain decibel level, the box will spray a calming mist of pepper spray into the crib. It trains your baby not to cry in no time! It worked great on the midget when he started yelling. It comes with 2% CS pepper spray, which is practically harmless. It can be upgraded to bear mace if your child continues to cry. I have decorated the Lullibinator with friendly smiley faces to comfort your baby.

I am asking $50 for the Lullibinator, and $250 for the crib/battery combo. Let me know if you want to set up a time to stop by and check this stuff out.

Thanks,

Mike

From Julia ******** to Me:

Oh my god

From Julia ******** to Me:

Please tell me you're kidding. You're kidding, right?

From Me to Julia ********:

Julia,

Why would I be kidding? I thought $250 was more than reasonable. I got a lot of use out of these things before social services took my kid away. I still do whenever the midget comes over.

Mike

From Julia ******** to Me:

I...don't know what to say to you. You are a disgusting excuse for a human being. How dare you ever think that I would use this for my child. Don't you ever e-mail me again, you scumbag.

From Me to Julia ********:

Julia,

I've been called some harsh things for my haggling tactics, but you seem to have been very offended by the price I have offered. I am sorry; I had no intention of offending you. I will drop the total price to $200 for everything, and I'll even throw this in for free:



Now you won't have to get up to give your baby a bottle when he is thirsty. This handy crib-bottle will allow your baby to quench his thirst any time he wants. It doesn't have to necessarily be filled with tequila (like I said, this crib was set up for a midget). It can easily be filled with Gatorade, breast milk, or whatever else your baby prefers. Throw in a can of food and the baby can practically live on his own!

Please let me know when you are going to pick this stuff up. I am going to Atlantic City for the weekend, so I need you to get it before I leave.

Thanks,

Mike

by on Apr. 27, 2012 at 9:53 PM
Replies (51-60):
SDarvasi
by Sarah Berri ♥ on Apr. 27, 2012 at 10:29 PM

HAHAHAHA.....fuck that was funny.

skyes_mama
by Silver Member on Apr. 27, 2012 at 10:29 PM
Ha ha ha a ha
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
goodmama85
by Diamond Member on Apr. 27, 2012 at 10:29 PM
Lmfao!!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
MamaK313
by on Apr. 27, 2012 at 10:30 PM

This made me laugh so hard!

mrsrains
by on Apr. 27, 2012 at 10:31 PM

LMAO!!!! That was a nice laugh for tonight!

Daisypath Anniversary tickers
MrKennys_Mom
by on Apr. 27, 2012 at 10:33 PM
My SO is wetting his pants laughing right now.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
bmw29
by spitfire_bobbie on Apr. 27, 2012 at 10:36 PM
LMFAO
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
1stpreggers
by Platinum Member on Apr. 27, 2012 at 10:39 PM
Lmfao ! This is the funniest thing I've seen all day ! Did u make that stuff yourself?

Quoting momof2gingers:

DON'T SAY YOU WEREN'T WARNED!!! I think this is hilarious.
*Disclaimer- Momof2gingers is not actually going to do this. So don't start screaming CPS. You might wake your kids up and wish for the lullibinator :)



Innovative Baby Products


Posted at: 2010-05-19 00:11:41




Original ad:
LARGE CRIB WANTED

I need a large(tall) crib for my 9 month old. The crib I have right now
is too small - he keeps climbing out! I need a crib that is too high for
my baby to get out of it. Please respond with pictures. Contact Julia @
********@verizon.net




From Me to ********@verizon.net:



Hey Julia,



I may have the perfect crib for you. It is a very large crib that has
some features to prevent your baby from escaping. Please let me know if
you are interested.



Thanks,



Mike



From Julia ******** to Me:



How big is it? Do you have any pictures of it?



From Me to Julia ********:



Julia,



It is very large. As I said, it has modifications to prevent escape. The
entire top perimeter of the crib has been reinforced with a metal frame
that is connected to a car battery. When someone tries to escape the
crib, they will be given a gentile electric shock, which will discourage
them from attempting to climb out of the crib again. The price includes
a 12 volt car battery, but a higher-voltage battery can always be
purchased, depending on how fat your child is. Here is a picture of the
setup:







I am currently using the crib for one of my friends who happens to be a
midget. He tends to frequently get drunk and violent, so we put him in
this crib when he starts getting belligerent. The battery works great
for keeping him in, so I am assuming it will work great for your child.
The only reason I am getting rid of it is because the midget was
recently arrested for arson, so he won't be around for a while.



I have something else that you may be interested in as well. Are you
tired of waking up in the middle of the night to the sound of your baby
crying? With this clever device, you won't even have to get out of bed
to calm your baby.







It is a little mobile that I invented called "The Lullibinator." Simply
hang it above the crib, and the microphone will detect when the baby is
crying. If the crying reaches a certain decibel level, the box will
spray a calming mist of pepper spray into the crib. It trains your baby
not to cry in no time! It worked great on the midget when he started
yelling. It comes with 2% CS pepper spray, which is practically
harmless. It can be upgraded to bear mace if your child continues to
cry. I have decorated the Lullibinator with friendly smiley faces to
comfort your baby.



I am asking $50 for the Lullibinator, and $250 for the crib/battery
combo. Let me know if you want to set up a time to stop by and check
this stuff out.



Thanks,



Mike



From Julia ******** to Me:



Oh my god



From Julia ******** to Me:



Please tell me you're kidding. You're kidding, right?



From Me to Julia ********:



Julia,



Why would I be kidding? I thought $250 was more than reasonable. I got a
lot of use out of these things before social services took my kid away.
I still do whenever the midget comes over.



Mike



From Julia ******** to Me:



I...don't know what to say to you. You are a disgusting excuse for a
human being. How dare you ever think that I would use this for my child.
Don't you ever e-mail me again, you scumbag.



From Me to Julia ********:



Julia,



I've been called some harsh things for my haggling tactics, but you seem
to have been very offended by the price I have offered. I am sorry; I
had no intention of offending you. I will drop the total price to $200
for everything, and I'll even throw this in for free:







Now you won't have to get up to give your baby a bottle when he is
thirsty. This handy crib-bottle will allow your baby to quench his
thirst any time he wants. It doesn't have to necessarily be filled with
tequila (like I said, this crib was set up for a midget). It can easily
be filled with Gatorade, breast milk, or whatever else your baby
prefers. Throw in a can of food and the baby can practically live on his
own!



Please let me know when you are going to pick this stuff up. I am going
to Atlantic City for the weekend, so I need you to get it before I
leave.



Thanks,



Mike

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
mrssummerlin
by Platinum Member on Apr. 27, 2012 at 10:40 PM
Hahahaha!! Oh my fucking god, tht is amazing and even better to read when drunk.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Kylie819
by Gold Member on Apr. 27, 2012 at 10:40 PM
The best one is "Disguised Weapons"!!! :)))
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
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