I am so mad. I just hate my life. I cannot afford to get my kids summer clothes or summer fun this year. So I went to a pawn shop my wedding ring in tow. I was seriously going to sell it, and get a summer pass to the local pool, (cost - $250) and summer clothes for my 3 kids, (cost $500). When I purchased this ring, I knew it was an antique ring. It has two small diamonds and a diamond shaped ruby in the center, roses etched into the gold on two other sides. At the time, it cost us $1200. I knew the ring wasn't worth much at the time. And yes, it pissed me off to no end all the time that I don't have something "nice" but we didn't have much money. The pawn shop said, we would scrap it and sell it for the gold, and it's worth about $65, which is more than we should give you.
Now I don't have the money to do anything this summer with my kids. I cannot get them summer clothes either. And my ring is friggin worthless. I hate my life!
I really, truly friggin hate my life. I have nothing worth anything. I believe that MOST women have rings that are AT LEAST worth $5,000 or more and I told my dh so. He was like that's not true! I was like, yes it is. He was like, the ring is really just sentimental no matter the cost. I said BULLSHIT. My friends who have NICE RINGS show them off. They don't just say aw wasn't he so sweet to get me this? No. They friggin show it off.
I am sooooo sick and tired of being the woman in the friggin' song "Best of Intentions". Yay. Intentions are worth shit on the ground.
I get why I have gained a TON of weight since we got married 12 yrs ago. I am stressed. I am upset. I am never happy. Food has become my damned crutch in all of this shit. When we got married I was 140, and at 5"7 that was about right. Now I am 250. I just want to die half the time.
My kids are the only thing keeping me going. I hate hate hate this life. My house was built in 1902, and it's a dump. We owe more on it than it is worth, so we will never move out. I don't want to clean it because I hate it and resent the fact that we are stuck here until we die. I hate this town but we cannot move because my dh has a decent job and he is scared to let go of it and maybe not find anything else or find something else, give notice, and be the first laid off if something happens to the new company.
I am tired of life handing me shit I cannot handle. I hate not having medical insurance because we do not qaulify by about $30 for me to have free medical and I am sick of going to the friggin low cost clinics and the friggin dental that is going to charge me $20 until I am dead to do what I need done. At least the dental is getting done, BUT I don't want to owe them until I die.
I hate this life. I HATE IT