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We are getting a divorce because my husband can't support us

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

Now don't jump to any conclusions. I've been married for 4 years. With him for 8 years. He has always been a hard working guy, great guy. This past year has went down hill for us. He lost his job 2 years ago but he found work as a construction worker. Its not a great job but it pays the bills with help from my work.The past year he has not been workign hardly any. He doesn't try to find work and when he does he is an ass to the other workers so they don't want him working with them.He's lazy. Some days he won't get up for work. I'm tired of it. We had to get on PA because he isn't doing anything. When he's home he bitches and complains about EVERYTHING. When he was the main bread winnner his only job was to take out the trash and help out with yard work. He does't even want to do that anymore! He says that my kids should be doing it even though they have their own chores. He dosen't pick up after himself, he won't even mow the lawn without it being big deal. If he doesn't get to lay on the couch or in bed all day then the whole day is spent arguing about what me and my kids don't do. 

So yes we are getting a divorce. I won't deal with him putting me and my kids down while he is 10 times more lazy. His mom is being such a bitch about it. She thinks I'm divorcing him just because our finances aren't what they used to be. That I only used him for his money. HA! 

Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 28, 2012 at 8:49 PM
Replies (31-40):
by Anonymous 2 on Apr. 28, 2012 at 9:15 PM
The other thing about depression in men is that they tend to not want to know if they have it. Even though it isn't something they have control over, they see it as a weakness to have it.
Good luck OP. It must be a very hard situation.
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 28, 2012 at 9:15 PM

Quoting Sunshine2plus2:

 Yeah I would say he is depressed. What is stopping you from working and supporting him for awhile?!?!

did you read? I have been working this whole time. I work mon-fri plus some weekends to suppot him. I've been working ever since I met him and even stepped up my game when he lost his job. It's been a little over a year and you think I should support him while he doesn't help at home and when he does he complains and bitches about how me and my kids don't do anything? Really? 

by on Apr. 28, 2012 at 9:15 PM

The way you describe him, I'd leave him too. Good luck to you.

by Anonymous 9 on Apr. 28, 2012 at 9:16 PM

Can't say I blame you. Make sure you find a way to get child support though. 

by Ruby Member on Apr. 28, 2012 at 9:17 PM

Ignore your mother-in-law. You know what you have to do and you are right. He is a very lazy man. Also putting your kids down isn't acceptable like I see that you know. I don't know what made him change in the past year, but it doesn't sound like he will change anytime soon. Good Luck to you and your kids. I love to see when moms puts their kids first.

by on Apr. 28, 2012 at 9:17 PM

Then he needs to go until he can do x, y, z.  Make sure he knows that there are things he needs to do in order to come back home.  Make a list of all the things he needs to do or accomplish before he comes back or he doesn't come back.  Like, he needs to get a job and keep it for six months of at least so many hours, he needs to learn how to talk to you in a way that is respectful, he needs to ask you to do things, not bitch at you about them.  That type of list.  Everything that you need from him.  Don't get too minuscule, of course, but the big things.  The ones that make it so difficult to live with him.  He definitely needs to speak to someone about how he is feeling and sitting on the couch is not going to get that done. 

Glad you liked the pic. 

Quoting Anonymous:

Not seperated for a long period of time but there are times when I've told him to just get out and stay with his mom or brothers for a while. And those few weeks that he goes are so peaceful for us. Sure we still have the financial problems but there is no arguing, no stress, just me and my kids enjoying life. 

Thank you for that pic! love it lol 

Quoting opal10161973:

I don't blame you.  How long are you supposed to just do everything, get yelled at for not doing enough, and have to deal with someone who's essentially- a freeloader.  I understand that people go through bad times and get depressed, but there is a limit.  Have you considered just getting separated first, to kick him into action?  Perhaps if he sees how much he could lose, it will change how he thinks?  Just a thought.

Oh and here's a picture for you.

by on Apr. 28, 2012 at 9:18 PM
:( your story makes me so sad...the depression will make him that way and refuse to want help but once he got the help he would be so much better. I wish there was some way to get him to go for you. I feel so bad for you and your situation.

Are you sad about it? Will you miss him? If so, Im sure you are trying anything and everything to get him to go to counseling...

Quoting Anonymous:

Quoting LuvCoopins:

Def sounds like he has depression...have u thought about having him see a doctor before you divorce?

i've asked him to see a counselor but he refuses. 

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by *Angelicious* on Apr. 28, 2012 at 9:18 PM

Quoting mstevens10:

You do what you feel is best. You only have one life to live. Maybe after you leave and he knows why he may snap back into it. Depression or not, there are things you described I wouldn't put up wiht.

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by on Apr. 28, 2012 at 9:18 PM
Quoting CherylAnne9: I am sorry your so up set but it sounds to me that he might be depressed and diffinatly not in an encouraging enviorment.  My husband has lost several jobs and it is a HUGE hit on the "male provider ego".  Its not easy.  And I am sorry but this is  a pathetic reason to get a divorce.  Life sucks but what happened to better or worse?  How often do you tell him you love him?  Thank him?  Thank him for the little things that may mean nothing to you but can still encourage him.  If he stops feeling like a failure and being put down nonstop I am willing to bet things would change. Good luck. 

I agree, figure out how to help him and your relationship. We have had financial difficulties the past 5 years, I don't see how divorcing him will solve your finances. It will be worse.
by on Apr. 28, 2012 at 9:19 PM

we are going through the same thing, but he is my strength. he is why i wake up everyday, besides my son, even if he's mad or is rude towards me. I love him no matter what we go through. He is my world, my rock, my life.

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